Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be miffed he's buying a new car but not paying the gas bill?

94 replies

guyane · 02/02/2011 16:49

Ongoing (D)H issue, just one for the road. He's managed to avoid paying any share of our winter bills so far but is going out to buy himself a new (second hand but 5K's worth) car. Should I sit back and let it go, again? How much un-sharing do you put up with, for the sake of just getting on with running the house/job/children and avoiding argument? Really, this can't be right, can it?

OP posts:
Original poster
guyane · 02/02/2011 18:21

OK. We did the finance discussion ... and there was a thread on MN a couple of months ago where the distribution aspect was discussed, so don't really want to go down that path again. That said and for the record: (D)H keeps 20% of his net income and spends nothing on children (clothes, clubs, trips, music lessons... all that stuff), pension, life insurance. After all that stuff, I keep 14% of my net income. The joint account pays for food plus rent plus council tax plus car fuel. Anything else, I pay for (out of my 14% remainder). Nuff said?

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 02/02/2011 18:24

Oh yes. nuff said indeed.

He is taking the piss.

Now there is nothing wrong with him earning less - or nothing - that happens very often the other way round. But when it is the other way round, you find that the contribution to the family that is made (housework, childcare, etc) is worth much more than the difference in money!

You're bringing in the most money AND doing the most house/child stuff AND having the least spending money.

Bend over baby. You are being shafted.

freshmint · 02/02/2011 18:26

how much is your 14% compared to his 20%? If yours is 1500 quid and his is 300quid then that would be fair enough, surely?
Difficult to tell without knowing the numbers.

LadyBiscuit · 02/02/2011 18:26

He's a cocklodger

Original poster
guyane · 02/02/2011 18:29

I can assure you Freshmint that my 14 is less than his 20 Smile

OP posts:
freshmint · 02/02/2011 18:37

crikey
well that is completely outrageous, I'm amazed you've agreed it for so long. so he has more cast and you pay for everything except food rent tax and fuel of which you pay half?

That is simply unfair. So what does he do with all his money? Does he drink all of it?

Poor you

freshmint · 02/02/2011 18:37

cash

Original poster
guyane · 02/02/2011 18:39

D'you know what? I just want to know now if there are any blokes out there who would gladly help their loving DP with anything whenever whatever the weather... AND have the balls to back it up with CASH!! Grin Do please somebody say YES, or there is no hope of future partnerdom for me.... Smile

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 02/02/2011 18:40

yes.

Original poster
guyane · 02/02/2011 18:42

Bloody HOORAY. Thanks Hecate.

OP posts:
Original poster
guyane · 02/02/2011 18:43
Smile
OP posts:
freshmint · 02/02/2011 18:43

yup
we both earn well, but dh earns at least 5x as much as me, we are a team and we spend what we need without any discussion about who pays for what.
he would be the first to say that his money is our money as he wouldn't be able to do what he does without me around. and if I hadn't had 4 of his lovely kids I'd be earning even more than him Grin

it is basic fairness and partnership that seems to be lacking for you. I'm sorry about that.

Original poster
guyane · 02/02/2011 18:44

Smile again.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 02/02/2011 18:47

If you earn more than him you should pay more of the bills.

What it works out to is you should both have the same amount of spare cash left each each month.

It wouldn't be fare or right for you to be left with say 400 and him only left with 100 if you earn more than him.

The same would be said if he earnt more than you he should be paying more than you.

Sorry but that is the way it should be.

Irrespective of housework or childcare.

springbokdoc · 02/02/2011 18:49

definately. my poor hubby paid off my completely feckless and huge credit card debt as i was too idiotic to think about how interest worked by working bloody hard whilst I studied. all without making me feel bad for it.

LadyBiscuit · 02/02/2011 18:54

fabbychic - agree to an extent but he isn't paying any of the bills. He'd be out on his arse so fast that he wouldn't feel the cold if I were you OP

hairyfairylights · 02/02/2011 18:56

imdith I think that's just as preposterous a proposition as not paying half each! I earn considerably more
than my dp and am certainly not going to pool my money!

FabbyChic · 02/02/2011 18:58

He is not paying some of them.

He earns less than 15k, if the OP earns double that then she would be paying the bulk at least 75%

He is paying some she talks about the gas bill, there are rent and other things to consider.

If this was a woman here saying her DH earned double yet she paid half of everything you would all be up in arms saying they should both have the same amount of disposable income left and they SHOULD.

Seems to me the OP is just greedy and wants half paid leaving her DH with fuck all.

hairyfairylights · 02/02/2011 18:59

And the same to fabby. Proportional paying of bills is fine, but it is fair that I have more disposable income because I earn more. Buggered if I've worked like stink to get where I am to split my spare
cash down the middle! I save it for a rainy day.

lilyliz · 02/02/2011 19:01

whenI got married I kept my account with my bank andDH stayed with his then when we knew what the outgoings were we opened an account for the bills and had some of our wages transfered to it to cover the bills.

FreudianSlippery · 02/02/2011 19:02

Crikey I'd be going mental at him.

I don't really understand the 'sharing bills' thing though TBH. DH and I don't divide up money at all (not that we have much of it anyway, I'm a SAHM and his earnings are low) - there isn't any debate over who pays what, or being 'even' - it purely comes down to who has the money at the time. Is that quite unusual?

FreudianSlippery · 02/02/2011 19:03

What I mean is, all our money is totally shared, there's no "that's mine and this is yours".

FabbyChic · 02/02/2011 19:04

Household expenditure should be split according to earnings, the higher wage earner should pay the bigger prorportion.

I lived with someone when 18 he earnt double my wages yet we paid half, I was left with nothing he was left with a small fortune.

It is wrong.

The higher earner should pay the bigger share.

What you do with the rest is up to you, even if you get a higher disposable fair enough, but someone on 15k should not be paying half of the expenses if their partner earns 30k.

Thats just plain wrong

Original poster
guyane · 02/02/2011 19:05

Yahoo hairyfairywhatsit... you can join my club Wink

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 02/02/2011 19:07

Guyane

Maybe you need to get yourself a partner who earns in the same wage bracket as you.

Leaving your partner with fuck all whilst you save away is disgusting.