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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Need some advice re mother in law

58 replies

HairyMclary1979 · 02/02/2011 15:06

My mother in law has been banging on for months about wanting my sons birth certificate so she can open a bank account for him. I eventually told her today that would not be happening and if she wanted to put money aside for him when he is older to put it in his trust fund. I told her I was not happy with her being trustee it isn't just money from her that will be paid in but money from my nan in law to. I am against it as my husband her son had am account that was tied up till he was 18 and she took the money that relatives had put in and squandered the lot. Am I being reasonable to say to her I want her to have nothing to do with money that has been given to my son?

OP posts:

oranges · 02/02/2011 15:09

it depends who is putting money into it? just her and her mother? or other relatives too?

mousymouse · 02/02/2011 15:09

yanbu - if she wants to open a bank account, she surly doesn't need the birth certificate

woopsidaisy · 02/02/2011 15:09

YANBU! Given her past history. She can give you cash to put into his account yourself. That is what I do.

GelflinGirl · 02/02/2011 15:11

YANBU at all. Your DS already has a trust fund so if she wants to give him money as a gift i cant see why she cant use this?? Strange woman

cantspel · 02/02/2011 15:12

You do need the birth certificate to open a childs account but i cant see a problem of her opening one if she wishes and then it is upto your husbands other relatives who they give money to for saving.

meantosay · 02/02/2011 15:12

I don't understand the problem. If it's just her and her mother putting money into the account what have you got to lose??

WimpleOfTheBallet · 02/02/2011 15:13

Just tell her clearly..."It's not happening ever...you won't be getting his BC." and repeat the phrase if she nags.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 02/02/2011 15:15

can your son have two accounts, one that she puts money in and is in charge of and his proper account that all the rest of his money goes into?

Original poster

HairyMclary1979 · 02/02/2011 15:19

Her and my husbands dad are no longer with each other but she is still in contact with my husbands nan (her mother in law) who has sent money for my son for birthday and Christmas so it will be money from her getting paid in as well. I said if there is the doubt on us as to weather we would touch it his trust fund is the option which means we couldn't. I would not even let my mum be responsible for money for my kids so why should I for someone with a history like her.

OP posts:

Original poster

HairyMclary1979 · 02/02/2011 15:19

OP posts:

PlanetLizard · 02/02/2011 15:20

YANBU

GloriaSmut · 02/02/2011 15:20

What IAmTheCookieMonster says.

After all, if she has the sole management of an account and you never see the money, you'll have never seen it anyway will you?

starfishmummy · 02/02/2011 15:22

I cant see the problem with her opening an account in your CHILDS name only. The money will be his and the Bank or Building Society will have rules safeguarding the money for the account holder. Perhaps you could go to the bank with her and make sure it is just an ordinary savings account in the childs name only. But don't put any more money in the account from other family members.

My MIL buys DS premium bonds (his cousins got accounts). Knowing my MIL (and her previous form with another,older, grandchild, who she has now disowned) if DS has a win she will expect him to share it - although I maybe ought to suggest his cousins share their interest! [Smile]

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 02/02/2011 15:23

I think the OP's concern is her DS may not see the money either.

YANBU

NotAnotherNewNappy · 02/02/2011 15:27

YANBU - I think giving her the details of your son's trust fund is a good idea.

cantspel · 02/02/2011 15:29

have you set up a proper trust fund or do you mean an account you have opened in his name?

It might just be a trust issue on both sides as you clearly dont trust the mil and she probably doesn't trust you.

GloriaSmut · 02/02/2011 15:33

Sounds like the most untrusting trust fund ever set up!

CinnabarRed · 02/02/2011 15:36

Starfishmummy - when I opened DS1's account he was 6 months old. The bank made it clear that he wouldn't be "responsible" for the account until he was 11, and even then it will be joint responsibility with me until he's 16. Until he's 11, I can in theory access the money anytime I like. I assume the OP is concerned that if her MIL opens an account then money intended for her DS will go AWOL.

CinnabarRed · 02/02/2011 15:36

OP - what does your DH think?

juleswill · 02/02/2011 15:36

My MIL did this - thought it was strange as we have no idea what the money is for, when he will get it, how much there is etc.

I figured it was because she didn't want to give us the money.

Whatever - didn't question it, just left her to it. Just planning on telling him within earshot of MIL when he's old enough to ask for stuff, that Granny will buy it with the money she has put in his bank account! :o

Dylthan · 02/02/2011 15:50

My parents have set up a trust fund for all their dgc I think it's a good idea and am happy about it.

It is their money and I'm very grateful that they are putting somthing away for my dc's future. If the money never materialises then I wouldn't be to bothered it is always their money to do as they please with.

So originally I was going to say yabu but seeing that it would not just be her money but also her mil's money that is intended for your dc and also her past history then I would say yanbu.

PenelopeTitsDropped · 02/02/2011 16:05

You must not allow MIL to set up a bank account in your Child's name that you are not happy with.

Your post raised a few alarm bells in terms of money laundering etc.
I would be happy if the account was set up in the Child's name with MIL and either/or/both Child's Parents as signatories.The birth certificate would be required on opening such an account; as a declaration would be made that it is tax free. IE Interest paid gross.

One has to watch the input into the Child's Account. It's subject to IR review and regulation.

The cynic in me says that Granny is trying to shelter her savings from tax given her past form. The nice side of me hopes that she is being entirely altruistic and nurturing and the format (above) for opening an account in your Child's name would be lovely.

mum295 · 02/02/2011 16:18

OP, why don't you suggest she sets up a pension for your DS instead?

It might sound like a bonkers idea to set up a pension for a child, but then the money can only be unlocked by your DS when he retires; she can't touch it.

It's also a very very tax-efficient way to save for children.

The Sunday newspaper money supplements have been banging on about pensions for kids for a while now, saying they are a good alternative savings idea.

lalalonglegs · 02/02/2011 16:24

I'd let her do it. I think bank regulations have probably changed a lot since your husband was young so it would be unlikely she would be able to pull the same trick twice - you could ask to be a co-trustee so that you can keep an eye on paperwork.

mum295 · 02/02/2011 16:28

Sorry, just had another thought. The pension suggestion might test your MIL's intentions.

If she really wants to save for your DS's future, she'll at least think about it.

If she starts objecting, saying how she wants the money to be accessible...you have your answer.

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