Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Need some advice re mother in law

58 replies

HairyMclary1979 · 02/02/2011 15:06

My mother in law has been banging on for months about wanting my sons birth certificate so she can open a bank account for him. I eventually told her today that would not be happening and if she wanted to put money aside for him when he is older to put it in his trust fund. I told her I was not happy with her being trustee it isn't just money from her that will be paid in but money from my nan in law to. I am against it as my husband her son had am account that was tied up till he was 18 and she took the money that relatives had put in and squandered the lot. Am I being reasonable to say to her I want her to have nothing to do with money that has been given to my son?

OP posts:
HairyMclary1979 · 03/02/2011 14:30

we have confronted her and all she does is blame her husband (my dh's stepdad) and says that it was his decision what the money went on. there is no point us speaking to the nan either as my mil has made sure via phone calls and visits that we are not to be trusted with any money that is for our son.

on a different not this morning we had a phone call for my dh's other nan saying that the birth certificate was to be sent up to his other nan so either his mum has lied in the first place or 2 accounts were going to be set up. nan1 has been diagnosed with bowel cancer so that is being used against us now with lines like "if she doesn't have long left then your ds will miss out on money" i dont know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
Dylthan · 03/02/2011 16:14

Why is she going around telling everyone that you can't be trusted with your sons money? Confused what a weird and nasty thing to do.

I really think you need to cut out the middle man and speak to your dh nan direct. If you really want the money going into the CTF that was set up with the government voucher then maybe explain to the nan that no one can access that money apart from your son when he reaches 18.

And then maybe send her a copy of the paperwork and highlight were it states that only your son can access it on his 18th birthday just to drum the message home along with the account number.

cantspel · 03/02/2011 16:17

Maybe she read the thread on the martin lewis site just after christmas where more than 75% of posters thought it was ok to add any money given to their child to the family budget as in a round about way it still gets spent on the child.

Lamorna · 03/02/2011 16:22

I would just give her the birth certificate and let her open it, as long as she just puts her money in. Open one yourself and put any other money he gets into it.

HairyMclary1979 · 03/02/2011 20:04

it's not just money from her that will be paid in.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 03/02/2011 20:19

My FIL set up a bank account for my DS1, which was in his name too. We never gave him our sons birth certificate. When FIL was short of money, he raided my son's account (okay, it was his money in the first place, but I'd have been pissed if other relatives had also contributed). When FIL died, he was overdrawn with his own account, so the bank took the remaining money from my son's account to cover the overdraft. I could do nothing as I had no control over the account.

Personally, I would have nothing to do with a woman who told people that I and my DH couldn't be trusted with our own child's money. I would put the other relatives straight and let them know what she did with her own son's money.

HairyMclary1979 · 03/02/2011 20:36

see thats whats worrying me as well, if she died it would be my oh step dad who would be left to sort out all the finances and as he and oh have never got on (to the point of him punching my oh in the face) i can't garuntee my son would get the money that is rightfully his

OP posts:
zipzap · 03/02/2011 21:08

Isn't there a halifax account for children that you have to pay a regular sum into that pays a good rate.

The good thing about it in this instance is that after a year the money is swept from the high interest account into a regular halifax child saver account.

I assume that there is some sort of mechanism that the high interest monthly account could be paid into beyond a year, albeit the next year's issue with different interest rates.

It's something like you pay in a regular amount, up to £200/month (not sure of exact figure) and needs to be regular. Whilst each individual adult can only pay into one account for each child, each child can have several people paying into savings for him - so Baby Joe can have Mummy, Daddy, granny and nan-in-law all paying a regular sum each month. Mummy can pay for Baby Joe and Baby Jane, Daddy can pay for Baby Joe and Baby Jane, Granny can pay for Baby Joe and Baby Jane as well as Cousin Sue and Cousin Bob.

But if you could persuade her to set up an account like this, if you already had the halifax account set up (even with just a pound in) then the most she would ever get is a year's worth of the money going in. You would get the control of the main saving account (and could from there put it where you wanted).

On a separate note, have you asked her what would happen if her husband wanted to take out money from your dc's account if he wanted it, in exactly the same way he did to your dh? Would expect her to provide some sort of guarantee that he wouldn't.

Likewise, would speak to your nan in law and point out why you are so worried about your mil having control of the money and see if you can come to some sort of agreement that what your mil did to your dh was wrong, that you don't want that to happen to your dc especially given the form your mil has and especially don't want the NIL's money to go to MIL instead of kids therefore to give the money to you to save for them instead.

Finally - compromise might be to go to the bank together with your mil and the birth certificate - then when you are all at the bank, you can insist that you or dh are on the account instead of her - hopefully she will be too embarrassed to refuse - especially if you remind her of how worried you are about her husband deciding to use the money like he did with your OH's money - or if she does refuse then you can just apologise to the bank for wasting their time and say that you feel betrayed by your MIL and that it is obvious that she is just using the childrens accounts as tax dodges etc. You could even pre-warn the bank person setting up the account that this might be an issue and then you won't feel bad about it, they might be able to help.

And I think the birth certificate is a requirement for the money laundering laws these days - so whilst at one point you wouldn't have needed to show one, now you do...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page