Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to constantly walk on egg shells

68 replies

Nando95 · 02/02/2011 14:09

Hi all I have a very good friend who like me has a 3 and a half year old daughter, both children are close and go to the same nursery. My friends child is a quiet little girl but like a lot of children that age is very prone to extremely bad tantrums over the slightest little thing- she tends to want as most children do what other children has and I always try to implement this in regards to my own daughter in order for her not to go off on one. For example- I constantly have to lie about things I have bought my daughter as she will demand it also, I always make sure I have 2 of everything such as the same yoghurts, fruit etc and I even do things like ring my friend in the morning if my child wants to take her umbrella down to nursery etc as otherwise her daughter will go off on one if she hasnt got hers.
The thing is the favour is rarely returned for me and she does things like buy her child cookies without considering mine etc this I dont have a problem with as my child is much more easy going but I feel like I cant do similar things in return as this would greatly distress her child.

Another friend has recently commented that we are all letting the child control us by doing these things- but I have seen how upset the child gets and also how upset her mother gets when these tantrums are thrown. Shall I just carry on with my daughter as normal or always give a thought to her child.

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 02/02/2011 14:11

Carry on taking care of your daughter her daughter is her problem.

Wordsonascreen · 02/02/2011 14:11

Bloody hell
Sort your daughter out and leave your friend to sort out her drama queen

I can't believe you rang her about umbrellas

You are FAR TOO NICE.

notnowbernard · 02/02/2011 14:11

i think you're a bit mad phoning your mate beforehand, tbh

does she ask you to do this?!

Buda · 02/02/2011 14:12

Well your friend is right that it is not good to pander to this girl all the time. She does need to learn that she doesn't always get everything that other have.

So I would carry on with your DD as normal.

Tryharder · 02/02/2011 14:12

Well, I would carry on as you are and be thankful you have an easier child....

bubblewrapped · 02/02/2011 14:13

You are feeding the childs issues. Carry on as you normally would. It is up to her mother to tackle it and not everyone else to pander to this kid.

applechutney · 02/02/2011 14:13

You're not doing the mother or indeed the daughter any favours, in the long term, by all this pandering.

Just take care of your own child, and let the other mother take care of hers.

prettymuchapixiegirl · 02/02/2011 14:14

I would just concentrate on your own child and let her get on with sorting out her child.

Perhaps her child is a nightmare as she - and others - pander to her?

Original poster
Nando95 · 02/02/2011 14:15

I know the thing is I wouldnt and dont put up with this from mine- if my daughter cant have it she cant have it and I feel even at a young age children need to learn that they cant always get everything they want but I feel bad if soemthing I have done such as bought my child a magazine on the way home leads to a complete hour long tantrum from this child x

OP posts:
Wordsonascreen · 02/02/2011 14:15

Its an important life lesson to learn you can't constantly get your own way.

The other child will end up like Verruca Salt if it carries on

[and no one wants to be a blueberry]

AgentZigzag · 02/02/2011 14:15

Your other friend is right, you seem to be pandering to a three year olds tantrums.

The mum has to get a handle on her daughters behaviour and detach herself a bit, I know tantrums can be alarming, but giving in to her every whim is just storing up trouble.

The girl and the way her mum reacts, are not your responsibility, just sort your DD out and let your friend do the same.

Onetoomanycornettos · 02/02/2011 14:15

Ridiculous, how on earth is that little girl going to learn that it's ok for a friend to have a different coat/umbrella/food and that having a big tantrum won't change that?

You must stop pandering to this as it's actually making the child worse and less flexible, her tantrums are normal as a lot of children find things difficult at this age, but 3.5 she will be heading to school in a year or so, and all the school friends will not be pandering to this in their choices.

Original poster
Nando95 · 02/02/2011 14:17

And yes the mother has asked that if I take anything different on the way to nursery to contact her first!! Blush

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/02/2011 14:18

An hour long tantrum Shock

Blimey, does the mum give into her after she's been shouting for a long time?

The girl must think she'll get somewhere to put so much effort into it.

notnowbernard · 02/02/2011 14:18

friend is nuts then

as others have said, look after your own

HecateQueenOfWitches · 02/02/2011 14:18

Stop pandering to her. It's your choice to do so. So what if she has a tantrum because she doesn't have whatever? If her mum holds you responsible then she's a fool.

Gemsy83 · 02/02/2011 14:18

Sorry to be a pedant by Verruca wasn't a blueberry...Violet was Wink

Gemsy83 · 02/02/2011 14:19

but arghh correction FAIL

compo · 02/02/2011 14:19

do you have to walk to and from nursery with this child? could you be early or late and avoid child and mum altogther?

prettymuchapixiegirl · 02/02/2011 14:20

I would just take pleasure in the fact that your little darling won't be creating when you get home and do what you want with your DD regardless.

To still be having hour-long tantrums at 3, this girl is clearly being pandered to and spoilt at home.

Wordsonascreen · 02/02/2011 14:21

Ahhh yes I stand corrected

Violet Buregarde

And no i can't spell it either

So what happened to Verruca .. she was a right little spoilt madam

HecateQueenOfWitches · 02/02/2011 14:22

X-post. If the mother expects you to go to such lengths to try to ensure that her daughter never has to face - shock horror- not having the same Shock then she's a prat.

What's she going to do? Go into school every day? accost groups of parents and demand the same things of them?

Or is she going to actually teach her child the very important concept of - Tough Luck Mate!

Oh, stop enabling this ridiculous behaviour.

AgentZigzag · 02/02/2011 14:22

What is the mum doing when the little girl is having her marathon tantrums?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 02/02/2011 14:23

You sound insane but very nice. From the sound of it this means her little madam gets cookies etc and your well behaved child doesn't. That is one of about 25 reasons why you have to stop worrying about them.

curlymama · 02/02/2011 14:23

This Mother has no right to ask you to pander to her child if she is not prepared to do the same for yours. I don't think it's unreasonable to try and avoid a tantrum if it can easily be done, but she wants you to consider her every morning if your dd decides to take something to nursery and she won't even buy your dd a cookie when she is buying one for her own?!

I would stop ringing her in the morning, and just say that your dd has developed a habit of deciding to bring something the second you are about to leave, so you don't get time to call her. And you don't mind letting her, because of course, it's easier that putting up with a tantrum!