To think that fussy eaters are ill mannered

[reallytired]

Ie. The sort of child who will eat carrots one day and then in two weeks time tell you that they don't like carrots.

The sort of child who will not even try something new. Or their parent tells you that their pfb only likes beans cut in a particular way.

Don't you think that faddy children or adults are spoilt brats in seriously need of decent parenting?

Nah, "fussy" only means that they won't just blindly eat any old crap that's fed to them. IMHO.

have you returned yet op? YABsoooU, if you hadn't put child in the op then perhaps I might have considered your approach, but sadly you did and obviously I wouldn't pass your parenting test. We have a very fussy dd although we ourselves have never been fussy, all home cooked food and yet she won't eat it. Occasionally she might try something new but not often.

It does make going somewhere very difficult, however if she doesn't eat she doesn't eat and will have something at home to ensure she doesn't starve. She is the sweetest and most polite child you will meet though b ut obviously I am a shit parent so thanks for that.

Pascoe, you are also talking shit (sorry), due to having to eat everything on my plate I have been plagued over the years with eating issues. It doesn't work, it isn't an effective tool to get your child to eat something either.

posieparker , he has just started with a child psychologist after about a year of pushing for it. But yes, his reflux is so bad it has burned his oesophagus. This is why he won't eat, but to a casual observer (and many busybodies) it looks like being fussy.

UAM....Good luck, my sister's child was fixed very quickly but his pain was an association from being a baby and so not ongoing like your DS. They do know their stuff!

I think OP needs to clarify
if she means the sort of people who say I only eat roast chicken with no sauce after you have said its chicken curry with fired rice then oh no but rice doesn't agree with them no its not an allergy or anything just doesn't agree with me but never mentioned it when got invite, well that's very very rude

so is the mother that says her 9 year old can't eat own brand food must have heinz or birds eye or whatever and can only drink organic filtered water but then said child is seen slyly overdosing on milk chocolate and irn bru!

had an aquaintance who had peanut allergy so evere that had epipen wih her at all times no that's not fussy its life threatening but she never expected people to buy special stuff she said I know its difficult as no one can buy new pans bowls etc she bought her own food and enjoyed company so she was invited everywhere while the seriously fussy must run out of invites very quickly

Some fussiness can be laid at parents door but i try not to judge as without questions how can you know which are genuine and which are trying it on

My mother was the kind of parent who made you sit at the table until you'd eaten at least some of what she put in front of you. I NEVER did. Even if I had to watch everybody else eat pudding ( which I love ). It caused such tension and upset - the only being not affected was the dog who used to sit under the table and wait for me to slip him the food when no-one was looking.

I vowed never to do this to my own children and never have. I have one who eats anything put in front of him and one who has a restricted (self restricted I should say) same all the time autistic diet. I didn't let them eat crap instead of a meal, but if they really wouldn't eat it, offered an alternative that was quick and easy.

You really can't make someone eat something they don't want. I always regarded it as bullying when people try and force children to eat.

YABVU, over generalising and extremely insensitive as a result. I have a 2yo DS who is extremely fussy despite me following all the 'rules' (don't rush to offer alternative; don't talk about it; keep offering new foods because they will eventually try it - um, no!). Not just a toddler thing, although that's part of it, but DS has always been funny about texture from the age of 12 months. I keep trying and a while ago decided not to stress about it, things will eventually get better etc. But posts such as yours really make me feel upset and angry because comments are not qualified at all. In fact, the wording appears designed to shock, annoy and upset.

You did ask!

I am obviously so upset that I think I have a DS, when in fact I actually have a DD!

Am so with you creme, it makes me weep at times but obviously we are shit parents as our children are funny about texture and new flavours. I now dare people to say this to my face as I will quite merrily smack them sideways.

I was quite fussy as a child and would absolutely not ever try a tomato. My mum bless her never forced me though she would put a slice on my plate (for colour she said) but i would never touch it and would have some sort of freak out if she didn't tell friends mums i didn't eat them. It turned out after all these years I am allergic to them due to chronic eczema and my poor body just rejected even a taste of one and because of my mums clever mind she said if a child is that emphatic about a food 'don't force them' and she was right. I was allergic to eggs and lots of fruit but now can tolorate some but still not tomatoes. My DD has eczema and also abhors tomatoes. Not long ago my mum watched a program about allergies and one was that tomatoes really inflame eczema sufferers. Another friend would never touch meat and would scream if meat went on her plate - turned out her body couldn't digest protein.

If a child is genuinely 'fussy' about certain foods listen to them - they may be trying to tell you something that they can't articulate.

I now eat most anything and try to try every thing at least once before i declare I don't 'like it'. My dd is an angel and eats most things so i know how lucky i am.

Well, the standard advice is never to force feed, just keep offering, ignore refusal etc etc. This has the very valuable result of steering away from dramas which may lead to an unhealthy relationship with food. But the side-effect is that a strong-willed child may become very narrow in what they will eat.

I've got one of those, hideously picky. But the other DC (same gene pool, same upbringing) eats nearly everything. They do bring their own personalities into it.

I do however seek to avoid their expressing their preferences in an ill-mannered way. They are under extremely clear instructions to refrain from commenting on food, to leave unconsumed items on the plate without a fuss, to compliment the chef on something on the plate, and to damn well go hungry until the next meal-time if they don't eat.

We're getting there....

It's forgivable in children. They can grow up as fussy as they like providing they contain it in their own homes. God help any adult who eats round here and goes, ugh, yuk pushes it round the plate and generally hasn't learnt to be gracious or at least have the courtesy to let me know they don't eat x, y or z before they come.

cremedelacreme So not only are you disappointed in your child's eating habits but also their gender. terrible.

:)

OP

And

Pascoe

(My first ever awarded)

Anytime either of you fancy having a bash at getting my 2yo ds to eat,
feel free, knock yourselves out...

I am talking about a child who one day will love carrots and the next day refuse to eat them.

I object to someone who refuses to eat something I have gone to effort to prepare just because she doesn't feel like eating it.
Is not a dislike as she ate the same dish 2 weeks ago and asked for seconds. The child is not a toddler, but a nine year old girl.

Legimate dislikes are one thing. For example my nine year old son hates mushrooms. This dislike is consistant. We all have our own likes and dislikes. .

When I have children round I treat them as guests. I do not force feed them. However I think a guest is very rude to treat my house as a restuarant.

If there are things like allergies or religion or a violent dislike then that is different, although I hope a guest would let me know.

Being fickle about a food when you are guest is down right rude.

Toddlers being fussy is different. You expect that.

The problem comes when an adult or a child over the age of five acts like a toddler.

YABU. As for those of you saying that it is ok in children but not adults, be very grateful that you can eat such a variety.

pascoe - that's what my parents did. AT bedtime i was allowed to bed but had the same meal reheated for breakfast. Sometimes up to 3/4 times. I will not make food an issue for my children.

surely if you have guests then you cook something that they would like to eat?

Exactly PaperView, you cook something a guest will eat!

My FIL and step dad are very traditional eaters, meat and two veg, no spaghetti bolognese, chilli etc, and when I have cooked cottage pie, I alter how I do it as we put in carrots and onions but they don't

PosieParker, thank you.

I'm a fussy eater. I won't try stuff based on how it looks.

But I had an eating disorder. Things aren't always as straightforward as they seem. It was bad 10 years ago, but over the last few years I've started to try more, to the point where only the people who really know me know about it now. I particularly have a problem with slimy textures, so things like avocadoes and different sauces made me want to vomit. People tried to nag me to eat and I couldn't, but doing it slowly by myself has worked.

I can now eat an avocado (just), and lots of other things on my list that I avoided (there were lots of different rules as to what I couldn't eat, but I can't even remember them all now. But the list could have included not eating roast beef but managing mince, not eating wildly different tastes together, like fruit and meat, not eating anything someone else had touched, not eating things made by someone I didn't know (incase they'd touched it) It made life so much harder and I was always embarrassed by it)

So don't judge fussy eaters if you don't know why someone is fussy.

In children, some fussiness is natural, and how it is handled is key to whether it is maintained into adulthood. Getting kids to eat a wide range of foods before they really know what they are is key i reckon.

As adults, being a "fussy eater" is a genuine social handicap. I obviously don't include genuine food allergies etc.

My partner is fussy, & i cringe when we are invited around to people's houses and whole platefuls of food are sometimes left untouched. i can sense his nervousness whenever he sits down at dinner at a friends - what will be brought out? Will i like it? Can i even eat it?

He got most of his fussy / limited habits from his mother who pandered to him and cooked only chips when he was a child to keep him quiet.

Its been a long road to expand the range of foods he will eat, as most of the bad habits are formed young.

YABU. DS1 is the fussiest bugger known to man, and DS2 will eat owt. If we had had DS2 first, no doubt we would had have being slapping ourselves on the backs saying what a good job we had done..........