Page 2 | To think that fussy eaters are ill mannered

reallytired · 2011-02-01T19:50:35+00:00

Ie. The sort of child who will eat carrots one day and then in two weeks time tell you that they don't like carrots. The sort of child who will not even try something new. Or their parent tells you that their pfb only likes beans cut in a particular way. Don't you think that faddy children or adults are spoilt brats in seriously need of decent parenting?

Fantoosh · 01/02/2011 20:24

Yabu. I think to certain extent some parents exacerbate their kids fusst eating habits, either by indulging it, or being picky and fussy themselves...so yes on that score.

But just as many are fussy kids because that's just how they are. Our ds1 eats anything, ds2 eats rather less variety, and dd eats everything like the eldest. I haven't done anything different, you know. And I don't pander either.

I put the same on ds2's plate as everyone else....I never stop offering things he dopesn't like, and I certainly don't make him something else instead. It's a case of 'that's your dinner....eat it or don't'

I can't rugby tackle him to the floor and poke broccoli florets down his throat. So what, o wise OP, would YOU suggest? I'm all ears!

LadyBlaBlah · 01/02/2011 20:29

Why are people so hung up about what kids eat ?

Why would you give a shit about what my kids eat or don't eat?

LeQueen · 01/02/2011 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 01/02/2011 20:32

I wouldn't eat mussels ,they just look wrong

bucketosoldiers · 01/02/2011 20:34

Think your OP is badly worded by I get your point. Take it you're not talking about fussy toddlers or younger children who won't/can't eat for some reason? You're talking about older children & adults right?

I sympathise as my DH is completely fussy & I think this is down to my MIL's attitude to food. As far as my i can tell she never encouraged him to eat fruit or vegetables try different things so now his palate is very limited.

YABU to let this bother you though! As someone else said it's not your problem to fix it.

UnseenAcademicalMum · 01/02/2011 20:35

What northerngobshite said.

OP, don't judge it till you've been there. Oh, but then you never will be, what with being a perfect parent and all. Can I send my dairy anaphylactic, underweight, has reflux so bad he starves himself rather than eat 2.8 year old ds2 to you then?

Bogeyface · 01/02/2011 20:38

Its difficult to say.

There are children with genuine eating issues that can appear within a family of fantastic eaters for no reason anyone can fathom. They are treated the same as the other children who eat anything but they, for whatever reason, wont. It would be wrong to say that they are in need of decent parenting.

That said there are families where faddy behaviour is pandered to and worsened and an issue arises that would otherwise not have been there. My FIL is a perfect example.

As a child his mum had to work full timme because she was a widow and there was no welfare state then. As a result he spent most of his days with his grandma. If he said "I dont like X" then she never gave to him again and undermined his mum, saying she was cruel to give him something he didnt like. This would be something he had always previously eaten and then would turn against. His gran would always cook him chips as he liked them. Now as an adult he will only eat white sliced bread, plain crisps, chips and weetabix. Occasionally he will have a plain pancake with sugar on or a potato fritter.

This is the sort of thing that need not happen. So if thats what you are referring to then no YANBU, but YABU to assume that every picky eater is just being awkward or attention seeking when some do have have genuine problems.

TattyDevine · 01/02/2011 20:39

I wouldn't necessarily say children who are fussy are ill mannered in that they might have lovely manners in every other way but in their young state of pickiness cannot quite bring themselves to extend them this far. Depends what age you are talking.

Adults however, yes. Really properly picky ones who expect you to do things to their tastes or omit certain things because they dont like it, rather than leaving it quietly on the side of their plate.

I can't stand the ones who are "ewww ewww ewww" about just about everything, pick raisins out of scones, scrunch their face up at a slightly pink bit of beef, spit things out that aren't what they thought, wont eat any fish or seafood...so bloody predictable.

Vallhala · 01/02/2011 20:40

I have an uncle like this. The only vegetables he will eat are potatoes and peas.

Ever.

He was 70 this year so there really is no hope for him. Grandad always jokingly said that uncle (PFB amd only son) was indulged by Nanny!

I'm not fussy though.

Just vegan. :o

purpleknittingmum · 01/02/2011 20:41

I class myself as a fussy eater, ny husband has told me I am the fussiest ever! But his dad is now worse than me!

I asked my mum once if she EVER fed me lettuce/cucumber/tomoato etc, as I don't eat them (well, not tomatoes, but do have tomato soup and ketchup but not actual tomatoes) and she said after several attempts it was obvious I just didn't like them

I think everyone is a bit fussy in their own way, like Gloriasmut says, very rare for a person to like all foods

I eat pizza and will have melted cheese on a pasta bake but couldn't eat cheese on toast or cauliflower cheese, just one of my many little things!

joydivisionovengloves · 01/02/2011 20:42

YABU. I am a fussy eater and literally cannot eat lost of foods other people consider normal. I'm not this way because of bad parenting, my poor Mum tried everything she could think of to change me but I would go days without food rather than eat what I knew would make me sick. I didn't choose to be this way. However, I never make a fuss about it if I'm out at a restaurant or a wedding or whatever, I just eat what I can and keep sneaky snacks in my handbag if need be.

MinnieBar · 01/02/2011 20:42

Is this another post-and-run?

DS is a fussy eater. I was and am a fussy eater. I am beginning to see how bloody annoying it must have been for my mother (and probably still is, on occasion) but still, from your badly-worded and ill-thought out OP, YABU.

pascoe28 · 01/02/2011 20:43

YANBU - I find it remarkable that, when cooking for (adult!) friends, there'll often be someone that says, "I don't like rice/pasta/peas/brussel sprouts/something or other".

FGS - grow up!!

This crap starts in childhood and is easily sorted by not letting a child leave the table until he/she has cleared their plate.

purpleknittingmum · 01/02/2011 20:44

Oh, I certainly don't think I am ill mannered at all!

My daughter won't eat mash or roast potato, my MIL once served her up a meal that had roasties on it and I think sprouts (neither of us at them) and was moaning at her for not eating them. She didn't even ask if the meal was OK to serve. When I cook a meal for someone I will ususally ask what sort of stuff they like and suggest one or two things to see if they will like them

My IL's wouldn't eat half the stuff we eat, would love to dish them up a meal and moan at them for not eating it!

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 20:45

Erm, No.

Whilst I am sure some children are rather whimsical about what they eat there are super tasters and 'proper' fussy eaters. TBH I go on and off food, at home not at someone else's!

My nephew used to be fussy eater and my sister called in a child psychologist, she found that he had a genuine food/pain issue associated with a very bad tummy bug (bacterial and for 8 wks) that had given him a poor association.

Adults can be fussy and it is rude. I had friends for dinner and one of the guests has big issues with weight and so didn't even try desert...

joydivisionovengloves · 01/02/2011 20:45

It's not always so easy pascoe, I was made to sit at the table until my plate was cleared but it starts to become impratical when a child is still sitting at the dinner table at bedtime after Sunday lunch.

usualsuspect · 01/02/2011 20:45

pascoe should write a parenting book

FabbyChic · 01/02/2011 20:45

My 17 year old won't eat any cold food, that includes sandwiches.

He also only eats peas as vegetables. Nothing else.

People eat what they eat, they like what they like.

MamaVoo · 01/02/2011 20:46

YABU. Most children go through a fussy stage regardless of parenting. As for fussy adults, I know a couple and neither are ill mannered about it.

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 20:47

pascoe....I guess you're sure your method doesn't lead to issues with food and body signals as an adult, are you?

purpleknittingmum · 01/02/2011 20:47

joydivisionovenglove - I am the same as you, don't make a huge fuss, can always find something!

Last year my husband and daughter went to stay with his parents for a bit and my mum had me round for Sunday dinner. She went through a load of veg and I was like 'no, no, no...' honestly just give me a few carrots and I'll be happy, don't get anything in especially!!

Yet, my stepdad!! They came to ours for New Years Day dinner and had to have his veg cooked in water, we normally steam ours!!

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 20:50

UnseenAcademicalMum Tue 01-Feb-11 20:35:05
What northerngobshite said.

OP, don't judge it till you've been there. Oh, but then you never will be, what with being a perfect parent and all. Can I send my dairy anaphylactic, underweight, has reflux so bad he starves himself rather than eat 2.8 year old ds2 to you then?

Have you tried a child psychologist? for the pain association and all that? I can't imagine the pain of reflux at two...poor poor boy. My DS grew out of his at 8mths, and I can empathise as I get very bad reflux in pg.....

do you get enough support?

Nicdigby · 01/02/2011 20:50

OP, YABU and are not considering other children's problems with eating and weaknesses in doing so.

My child has a palate problem. You'd never know to look at him. He struggles with food all the time, he takes 10 or 12 attempts at trying a new food before he decides to like it. This can take months. He takes half an hour to eat a meal that my younger son eats in five minutes flat. he struggles with mixed textures like chicken and mushroom pie for example.

You need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes and consider that all kids have strengths and weaknesses. My son might be a fussy eater, but he is very well behaved and loving and does his very best in everything - can you say the same about your (presumably good eating) children.

PS - my friends son was not a fussy eater. At all. he ate everything, and a lot of it, and she let him. He was clinically obese by the age of two and a half and she could not get him in any pushchair by that age either.

AuntiePickleBottom · 01/02/2011 20:50

i doubt the op would eat every thing.

like would you eat a Century egg, steak tartare, haggs, offal, rabbit 'game' meat ect

NoSoapInADirtyWar · 01/02/2011 20:51

I know there are certain people who know my ds who think he is pandered to and fussy for the sake of it.

My son has a very restricted diet (I fondly call it the beige, autistic diet). Everything is dry, cold and very very plain.
Things have to be cut certain ways, and with neat cuts.
He cannot bear foods that are hot and wet, foods with the tiniest bit of herbs or seasoning make him scream and cry as his tongue burns, smells of foods make him gag, etc etc.
He has even got a whiff of my plate of perfectly normal food across the table and vomited.

Everyone who knows him knows he is autistic and has a lot fo sensory issues and yet I still encounter people who think he is being deliberately awkward and that I encourage his food foibles.

It actually really upsets me that my ds cannot sit with me and enjoy a hot meal the same as I have, that we sit at the table with him not talking and not making eye contact, eating his cold, plain dry food. No one wants a fussy eater.