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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be surprised that dd was made to try potato

93 replies

Dancergirl · 31/01/2011 22:49

Dd3 (nearly 4) went to play at a nursery school friend's house one day last week. The mum picked them both up from nursery, gave them lunch and I collected dd later.

When I picked up, the mum commented that dd didn't eat much. I said don't worry and asked what they ate. They had chicken drumsticks which dd ate and potatoes. Dd doesn't eat pototo in any shape or form but the mum said she 'made' dd try a bit and she gagged.

I'm slightly unnerved about this. I wouldn't make a child try something if they weren't keen, especially a visiting child. Would this bother you?

OP posts:

schmee · 01/02/2011 09:48

YABU - you should have told her if your kid doesn't eat something as basic as potato. I would feel really guilty about a child coming here for lunch and not eating anything. I'd feel it was my duty to try to get her to eat something unless I had been warned about her aversion to standard food.

One of mine is really fussy, but I'd always make it clear to another mother that I didn't mind if he didn't eat much so she didn't have to engage in my daily food battle.

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 09:48

Potato is a 'side' though, hardly the whole meal.

weefriend · 01/02/2011 09:54

I would never try and make a visiting child eat anything. I have one very fussy child and one who eats just about anything and they've both been treated the same. Fussy one was fussy from birth and if someone made her eat something she really doesn't like, she wouldn't just gag, she would more than likely vomit everything she had eaten straight back up again. Yes I am talking from bitter experience here. I've done some desperate things to try and get her to eat different things. It is a pain for her eating with other people but she gets everything she needs in her diet even if it is limited and surely that's the most important thing.

I realise that there are children out there who are fussy just because they have been pandered to, but that's not always the case.

TotemPole · 01/02/2011 10:24

I don't understand how someone can not like all potato types. The taste and texture varies so much between the different varieties and how you cook them.

A steamed charlotte potato is very different to maris piper in chips or mash.

silverfrog · 01/02/2011 10:28

Totempole- I just asked dd2 for you.

she said it's because she doesn't like potato

now granted she is 3, and so not the best at reasoning, but there's your answer.

Tortington · 01/02/2011 10:31

often had kids round for tea who ddn't like what i put n front of them, always told them to leave what they didn't like, but they wouldn't be getting anything else - if they were hungry when they went home - hard shit i'm not a bloody caterer

BunnyWunny · 01/02/2011 10:32

I "make' m dd try things all the time- how else would she ever try new stuff- if left to her own devices she would live on fish fingers and chips and nothing else.

TotemPole · 01/02/2011 10:41

silverfrog, you said your older daughter is ASD, with food issues. That's because of the texture of certain foods in the mouth isn't it? At least that's what I've read.

Do you think the younger one is copying old sister to some extent?

Could you give her something but not tell her it's a potato.

Casserole · 01/02/2011 10:44

Well, my philosophy is that if someone else has taken the time and trouble to cook something for you, you should at least try it. If then you don't like it, fine, you don't have it eat it, but be polite about that.

So I think YABU on that basis.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 01/02/2011 11:04

casserole - did you miss the bit where she's not even 4 yet? As long as she said she didn't want it politely and didn't just say 'yuk' surely that's enough to be going on with at 3??

Casserole · 01/02/2011 11:12

Not in my house, Chipping.

Your mileage may vary, which is fine, of course.

Casserole · 01/02/2011 11:13

Just to clarify - when I say try it, I am talking about at least trying one mouthful.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 01/02/2011 11:17

So, casserole, you would stand over a visiting 3 year old and make them try something or berate them for not being polite enough

silverfrog · 01/02/2011 11:23

Totempole: it is possible that dd2 is picking up food issues form dd1, but fussiness isn't really a part of dd1's issues. or at least, not to the untrained eye.

and of course, I have had longer to get to grips with dd1's issues - dd2 was weaned onto a diet that suited dd1, iyswim? so that I wouldn't have to cook separate meals.

part of it is sheer bloody-minded 3 year old, undoubtedly. she has said she doesn't like potato, so she doesn't like potato (and I know where she is coming form on this - I decided I didn't like peas when I was about her age. didn't eat them again without a fight until I was a teenager!)
we muddle through - as I said earlier, she doesn't have to eat it.

it's a control thing for her, as she thinks that if she makes a fuss she will get her own way (for various reasons this happens too much with her), and osmetimes she is let to get down, or similar, if she is distressig dd1 with her antics.

so all fun and games, really . but hse can eat, or not eat. pandering doesn't happen.

Casserole · 01/02/2011 11:30

No, Chipping, you're implying something I didn't say.

I haven't mentioned the friend's behaviour at all. I think it is MY job to teach my children that when they are out and about, if someone else has taken the time to cook them something, it is polite to try at least one mouthful of that food. If they then don't like it, then that's fine, they don't have to eat it, just politely eat the bits they do like and say thankyou at the end.

As I said, your mileage may vary, as may the OP's, and that's fine, we all think differently about these things. But that would be my reason for saying the OP was being a bit unreasonable in this case.

TotemPole · 01/02/2011 11:42

she has said she doesn't like potato, so she doesn't like potato (and I know where she is coming form on this - I decided I didn't like peas when I was about her age. didn't eat them again without a fight until I was a teenager!)

I see what you mean. I've decided that I don't like yakult(sp?), the yoghurt drinks with the good bacteria. I don't know what it is but I can't even bring myself to try one. My daughter will have them if I buy them. Before I had her, I bought a pack of them a few times thinking I could overcome it, but ended up throwing out an unopened pack each time.

Mine will eat potato in any shape, but is funny about eggs and tomatoes. Likes them sometimes, doesn't like them at others. It's difficult to keep up.

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 11:49

Casserole, What if you ask a child to try it and they say no?

BettyCash · 01/02/2011 11:58

Posie, obviously Casserole can't make other people's children eat anything. But she can teach her own children to be considerate about someone else's cooking.

Casserole · 01/02/2011 11:59

Posie, do you mean if I ask my child to try it and they say no, in my own home? Cos that's what I'm referring to here.

If that happens, then there's nothing else given, and I say, quite calmly and nicely that I think they've been a little bit rude given that I've cooked something for them and that I'm disappointed. I reiterate (again calmly and nicely) that I would really like them to try one mouthful. But if that doesn't happen, then that's the end of it. And then I don't cook that particular thing again for a while, so as to avoid unneccessary confrontations at the table, but I'll cook it again at some point in the future and they'll generally try it again then as they've forgotten that they didn't like hot / green / round food etc. And if I'm cooking something new at one meal I'll generally try and make sure there's stuff I know they like at the other two meals that day so I know over the course of the whole day they'll have eaten enough.

I mean, obviously later on I subject them to an evening of waterboarding and general torture, but we all do that, don't we? Especially on Wednesdays.

My point is that after that scenario being played out many times at home with ME, they know the score for when they are out and out at other people's houses. Which is pretty much true for all parenting stuff, isn't it, whether it's eating at the table or not bashing little Billy over the head with a chair, and so on.

Does that clarify? I don't really want to labour my point as it looks like I'm bashing the OP (who sounds very nice) much more than I am, but you did ask!

Casserole · 01/02/2011 12:00

mamadoc · 01/02/2011 12:09

My mum and I both hate cheese oddly enough.
I remember as a child being at a friends house with her so must have been very young. The friends mum served macaroni cheese which we both hate. I can still vividly remember my mum turning to me when she went back to the kitchen and saying 'OK you're going to eat some and I'm going to eat some and we are both going to say it's really nice'. So she led by example and we both choked it down.
I do think children should be polite if they don't like something but at 3 a polite refusal would suffice I think.

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 12:37

Calmly and nicely that they've been rude? Jesus Christ.

My children are made to try things at home, I'm sure most people encourage their children to eat. But it's not your place to tell a child that they are rude if they don't want to taste something they may have hated their whole life.

You can think they're rude, but it's not your business unless they are too rude to ignore to tell them.

My children are told to say 'mm lovely, but I'm not hungry or I'm full' when they dislike something.

Casserole · 01/02/2011 13:37

OK Posie. Well, I don't think you've read my post properly in your haste for a fight, but if you have, then we're both grown ups, we can agree to disagree.

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 13:40

I haven't misread, you tell other people's children that they are rude for not trying your food. But we'll have to agree to disagree, not looking for a fight.....that's my other thread.

Casserole · 01/02/2011 13:45

Then you have misread. Because quite clearly I stated that I was talking about my own children, in my own home. Read my first sentence again.

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