To be surprised that dd was made to try potato

[Dancergirl]

Dd3 (nearly 4) went to play at a nursery school friend's house one day last week. The mum picked them both up from nursery, gave them lunch and I collected dd later.

When I picked up, the mum commented that dd didn't eat much. I said don't worry and asked what they ate. They had chicken drumsticks which dd ate and potatoes. Dd doesn't eat pototo in any shape or form but the mum said she 'made' dd try a bit and she gagged.

I'm slightly unnerved about this. I wouldn't make a child try something if they weren't keen, especially a visiting child. Would this bother you?

silverfrog I was only having a laugh, I know what you mean.

I do think though, that if your child is fussy about something as basic as potato, it really should be mentioned beforehand- not least to save the host serving it up!

Another potato hater in this house too, DS aged 6 won't eat them in any shape or form, yes it is annoying, but DH doesn't really like them either and I'm not that bothered so we hardly ever have them. But I do always tell anyone who is having DS over for a meal because it is pretty likely they will get served up otherwise.

Provided no force or undue pressure had been used I would be delighted if he came home one day having eaten potato.

redaisy from the look on his face you'd think he'd never been given it at home...like ever!! Lol

oh, that's ok GreenEyes - didn't think you were having a go

I'm not sure I would mention it, tbh. or if I did it would be in private to the mum, and would tell her ot put the stuff on dd2's plate as normal. it's up to dd2 to eat/not eat, but if she'snot goign ot eat it, she has ot learn to be polite about it at the very least...

she won't eat rice either

bubblewrapped - I still wouldn't try to persuade a visiting child to eat something they didn't want to, seems a really weird thing to do to me.

I have 2 teenagers and neither one like potatoe in any shape or form. The younger will eat a handful of mcdonald chips if out with his friends but the older one wont even touch a chip.
It is not a big deal as there are plenty of other things to eat .

My ds will not eat potato in any other form other than chips, which we have maybe once a month. Looks like tjis potato dislike is more common than I thought. It is soooo irritating pasta is my usual substitute, plain pasta ewww but he seems to like it.

I really do think children are more fussy because they have more choice.

As a child, I was fed potato with every single sodding meal...I don't know if it was because my parents were very old fashioned Irish..but my Mum used to say if my Dad didn't have potatoes, he felt as though he hadn't eaten

Either way, we ate what the family ate or we didn't eat much at all...normally we ate because we knew that was what was on the menu and we wouldn't be offered much alternative.

I'm not saying that was the 'right' way (although money was tight..big family so it was the only way) but too much choice does cause faddy/fussy eaters none the less.

I get bored with mash, even though my husband would happily eat it with every meal.

I jazz it up by doing dauphinois potatoes, boulangere potatoes, croquettes..

I wouldnt be able to eat potatoes without gravy or a sauce either.. cant be doing with dry food.

I cant eat dry food and have to have either gravy or baked beans with mash.
My oh likes plenty of gravy but he likes it so thick you almost have to chew it.

My sauce of choice is always American gravy.. which is basically what we would call pepper sauce. I can eat anything if it has that poured over it!

There can be other reasons though. DD never has a choice she gets whatever I've cooked for everyone but still she often won't eat it. No snacks or pudding if main meal not eaten either but she seems content to go to bed hungry.
I think its just her personality. She is very cautious in general about anything new not just food and she just doesn't seem to need much.
My pet hate is people who try to bribe her or threaten her because believe me I've been there, done that and got the T shirt and it does no good at all. It might look as though I don't 'try' to get her to eat but I've been trying for the best part of 4 years.

i love pepper sauce but it has to be with a juicy steak and thick chips and peas.

My youngest lives on plain pasta with a side helping of curry sause to dip in.

It would depend how she said it tbh - if it was a bullying 'I MADE her try a little bit', I wouldn't be too happy, but if it was 'I made her try a little bit' as in I did my best to get her to eat something, I didn't starve her on purpose honestly.... then I wouldn't mind. But I'd sooner my kids were left hungry than frightened into eating if they didn't want it.

I found the absolute foolproof way to get kids to try new food was not give them it, not even offer it.

I will sit there eating it, and without fail, they want to try it, because they think they are missing out...

I think posters who blithely say children are fussy because they have more choice now have never come across a fussy child, tbh.

my dd2 is a very faddy eater (and I never thoguht I'd say that - dd1 is ASD, has soe pretty serious food/drink issues, but the fussy/faddy one is dd2!)

she has never had a choice in what hse gets (I occasionally will ask her, and she does now get a choice of what she wants for lunch - well she gets to state her case, but she can't have jam sandwiches everyday!).

I cook one meal, for the dds. it is a gluten and dairy free meal. they can have fruit after (I am not interested in them going hungry), but there is generally no choice as to what the meal is.

dd2 can eat it, or not. she can have some banana afterwards, but nothing else.

she is really quite fussy. and picks and nibbles at everything.

doesn't like anything.

it gets quite tedious, but believe me, we do not pander to it.

agree with bubble - the sure fire way to get her to eat something is to have it on our plates and then she is interested in tryng it, but still will say "no thank you" if we offer her some for herself.

she'll grow out of it one day

(and it is no different at school - she is not fooled by peer pressure. she will often come home and say eg "I had ham, potatoes, peas and tomatoes today. I ate the ham and I tried a little bit of tomato")

I have a very fussy eater and I'm always pleased when someone else makes her try something. I would never force a child eat something that they don't like, but I do think it's important that they at least try it.

Yes, it's irritating I agree and you must be feeling fed up OP but I think you need to keep a sense of proportion. Don't make a fuss but maybe don't encourage the same playdate again if a meal is involved. Eating habits do get better/change as they grow up. Though there may be things they will never take to - such as potato in this case.
I worried myself sick over my children's extremely poor near-starvation diet when they were little, but now at 12 they both eat for Britain.
On the same subject my DDs had a primary school friend who always wanted them for sleepovers, even though they hated going to her house. We gritted our teeth and eventually the problem solved itself - the family moved!

I hated potatoes throughout my childhood. However, there was less choice of cheap foods where we lived than there is now, we were not well off, other people's parents served potato with every meal and there wasn't really a way around it: I had to at least try to eat them. There was no way we could afford for me to stock up on protein and fruit and bread were expensive where we lived.

My parents were kind and understanding, but didn't really see how they could let me totally off the hook, so we made a deal that I only had to eat one a day. Funnily enough, I quite like the things as an adult, at least with gravy. It took about 15 years, I suppose. I also had to try other things, the rule at home was that we had to give everything a try. But foods that were less prevalent/economically important, I didn't have to persevere with: my mum accepted there was no way she could get the family to carry on eating salted herrings though she loved the stuff.

If we were visiting, we would have been expected to try what we were served, but my mum would not have expected the hostess to push us to eat more once we had tried.

I should add that I have grown up without any food issues whatsoever. I think what made the difference was that my parents were never unkind about it, never sarcastic, never panicky: the most important thing at mealtimes was always the pleasant conversation, not obsessing about eating.

I think I would always say to a visiting child, it would be nice if you tried it but I wouldn't force the issue.

What I can't stand though is the visiting child who goes "ugh". I drummed into ours from an early age that if they are out and they don't like it, they simply say it looks lovely but I am not very hungry thank you. I have a colleague who at 36 still goes "ugh" and it's just downright bad manners.

When I was a child adults used to try to 'make' me try meat or fish because they didn't believe I was a vegetarian. Even at age 3/4 I knew enough of my own mind to refuse. Your DD will not eat something she doesn't want to, regardless of who tries to make her.

Yanbu. I think it is often counter productive to try and 'get' a child to eat anyway - just put the food there but let them decide if they eat it or not! Just don't stuff them full of crap then if they don't eat it! But I would certainly not expect another mum to 'make' my child try a food. Bloody hell. I'd be annoyed!

OP, I'd really like to know whether or not you told the mother beforehand that your DD will not eat potato.

I had a child's friend here the other night and I had made a point of asking if there was anything they wouldn't eat. His mother told me that 'he wasn't at all fussy'. I made Shepherd's Pie. He wouldn't even try it.

When I took him home, I told the mother that he'd only had toast and pudding because he wouldn't eat the pie.

"Oh, no." she said. "He won't eat potatoes or mince." How is that not fussy?

I am used to catering for all sorts of tastes (thanks mainly to DD's BF who takes fussiness to a whole new level) and I make an effort for visitors, but I was left feeling guilty that I hadn't fed this child properly.

Thing is, I don't think it makes a difference if she told the child's mother or not. The question is in the title - for me, she is nbu regardless of what she told the mother. If I were the other mother, I might be annoyed that I wasn't told about the potato ' but I still wouldn't try and 'make' a child eat it.

My son, when 4 before he went to school, was denied ice cream because he wouldn't eat the deep fried (boak) frozen sausage. I was furious, it's none of her business what my son eats and nothing she could do on a one meal basis would make any difference to the rest of his life.

I do insist that people have desert when everyone's finished but when children come here it's my job to provide a meal not exert some sort of fabulous diet trick with them. We have one rule in this house for guests and that's that they don't have to eat everything, but I won't provide something else, and so usually tailor the meal with the guest in mind...vegetarian, for example.

I do wonder what sort of wonderful power trick parent insists a child 'tries' food that they don't like.