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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My NCT group get on my TITS

58 replies

kittycat37 · 29/01/2011 20:53

We've known each other 4yrs.

I like some of them more than others. I like their kids and the fact that all our kids play happily together.

When we're together though I find them (the parents) materialistic, competitive, boring, cliquey..

Today the way they were talking about how much other peoples loft extensions must cost, the amount someone else's car must have cost, much they were spending on holidays abroad, and they were openly quizzing me about how much mortgage me and DH will be approved for (trying to buy a house). This made me quite cross.

All this talk about money and competitiveness makes me WANT TO PUKE.

I felt depressed after I saw them today. Mostly because they've become my main friends since having DC.

I reckon I need new friends. Or am I BU?

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 29/01/2011 20:56

4 years is good going. You were brought together by the fluke of having dcs at the same time. It's more than OK to gradually phase them out. Your dc will be at school soon and you'll have ample opportunity to get to know the other parents then, though the above also applies to them. Don't feel duty bound to keep seeing them, especally if they piss you off

Mists · 29/01/2011 20:57

YANBU they sound absolute hell!

Difficult to extricate yourself from them though I bet.

onimolap · 29/01/2011 20:57

YANBU.

You have been thrown together by the fluke of having children at the same time, there's no particular reason why you would necessarily make true friends.

They're fairly long-lasting acquaintances though, and if local they may be useful back-up in all sorts of domestic disasters. And they probably have some good points.

But it does sound like you need to meet more people to dilute them a bit. What did you like doing before DC? Can you carve out time to do it again?

McHobbes · 29/01/2011 20:58

My NCT group were a bunch of tossers as well. Grin

bibbitybobbityhat · 29/01/2011 20:58

Yanbu. I couldn't bear to hang out with people like this.

manicbmc · 29/01/2011 20:59

Maybe find a different group?

scottishmummy · 29/01/2011 21:00

if you have outgrown them mooooove on.if you have nothing in common and they make you cringe then time to cut loose

BringOnTheGoat · 29/01/2011 21:00

Are you sure it was competitive not chat? I sometimes thinks people get sucked into the mundanity of life and talk about other peoples lives/lofts/holidays as they have fuck all else to say!

SleepWhenImDead · 29/01/2011 21:02

I'm surprised you've stuck it out this long. Are there any mums of children who your DC go to preschool with, that you could see if you could hang out with instead? I consider myself v lucky to have an nct group of genuine, non-competitive mums to be honest!

scottishmummy · 29/01/2011 21:03

nothing else to say?get a job then stop being a housewife droning on about lofts and soft furnishings.maybe if the idle chit chat was replaced by something substantive like what they did at work they may be more balanced

scottishmummy · 29/01/2011 21:03

nothing else to say?get a job then stop being a housewife droning on about lofts and soft furnishings.maybe if the idle chit chat was replaced by something substantive like what they did at work they may be more balanced

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 29/01/2011 21:05

they sound very dull. get some new friends. Find some MNers in your local area, MNers are always cool.

bibbitybobbityhat · 29/01/2011 21:06

Oh dear God no, there is nothing more excrutiatingly dull than hearing about other people's jobs.

scottishmummy · 29/01/2011 21:06

yakking about money is vulgar.get shot of them

Original poster
kittycat37 · 29/01/2011 21:07

Grin glad it's not just me then.

I love Mumsnet - instantly makes you feel better. Cheers all.

Well I do need to make other friends definitely - four of closest old friends moved away over the last couple of years (three abroad and one to the countryside) and that has been hard going for me. They were my soul mates and we were a real gang pre DC.

Anyway I'm joining the labour party (that'll probably get me flamed) and I'm going to volunteer locally as I reckon that'll be a good way to meet like minded people who aren't totally materially obsessed.

To be fair, the NCT lot have been a great fall back through the tiny baby years, all going through it together and so on. I think maybe we've outgrown each other a bit.

OP posts:
BringOnTheGoat · 29/01/2011 21:07

Oooh yeah sm - talk to me about work - yawn

Cicatrice · 29/01/2011 21:07

I think most ante natal/NCT groups are a bit like this. Its just like being back at s chool where you are stuck with people who were born in the same year. And then (if you went to my school) you have to sit next to the girl whose surname is next to yours in the alphabet. I did that for four years.

Sometimes its just not meant to be. Some people can only every be acquaintances.

BringOnTheGoat · 29/01/2011 21:09

Oh no my NCT mates are great - love them all - shame they don't all like each other!

scottishmummy · 29/01/2011 21:09

plenty stuff more excruciatingly dull than hearing about other people's jobs

such as

ohter folks kids
other folk husband/partner
sahm hardest job in world speech (it isnt)
schools catchments

MadamDeathstare · 29/01/2011 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
kittycat37 · 29/01/2011 21:11

They are REALLY materialistic though - I always knew I wasn't on the same wave length in that way.

SM - they all work. They do talk about it sometimes and when they do it's a relief.

I just can't bear the just-under-the-surface
'how much do you earn?' competition.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 29/01/2011 21:11

better than the mum 'ardest job in world speech

IngridFletcher · 29/01/2011 21:12

If you have known then 4 years your kids must be starting school soon if they haven't already. You will meet a whole bunch of new tossers there.

toeragsnotriches · 29/01/2011 21:13

YANBU. Chuck em. Move on. They sound well boring. They'd get on mine too. See the ones you like, stop bothering with the ones you don't.

I stopped seeing my NCT group after about 6 months and found other friends through stuff I was interested in anyway. Funny enough, I didn't fancy seeing them again for the same sort of reasons as you. I was the youngest by far, all the rest were bankers and solicitors in the city and I had absolutely nothing in common with them. They just wanted to compare the 4x4s they were about to buy (and started getting oddly competitive about who was going back to full time work soonest!?)

scottishmummy · 29/01/2011 21:13

may have run its course if they annoy cut em loose