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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think women in men's changing rooms is a bit off

113 replies

notinbed · 29/01/2011 00:24

Took 18mo son to his swimming lesson yesterday (my wife normally takes him, but she was sick). In the changing room when I get out is a school group getting changed to go swimming supervised by a couple of women. Meant that instead of stripping off completely as I normally would I ended up keeping my trunks on until they'd gone - makes it rather more awkward trying to keep son's clothes dry as I get him changed. I suppose I could have used one of the two cubucles (one in use by a woman getting changed) rather than the communal area, but that makes it so much more hassle when getting stuff out of a locker trying to get a little one changed.

Kind of wish I'd not been there last week and seen the women go in - otherwise I don't think I'd have known, so would have taken trunks off in the shower before trooping in, as it was I bottled it, having suggested to wife I'd just strip off. What do you think the reaction would have been if I'd done that - not like I can be done for indecency in a malke changing room?

OP posts:

brownie22 · 16/02/2011 11:11

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable - especially the comments about 'changing underneath your towel'. When I go swimming I take a travel towel, it barely covers my bum, it definitely doesn't wrap all the way around me and the only way to preserve my modesty is holding it in front of me with both hands! I would hate to find a man in the women's changing rooms.

mayorquimby · 16/02/2011 12:09

YANBU women shouldn't be in the male changing rooms. If the kids were young enough to need the supervision of female teachers then it should have been done in the female changing rooms.

Inertia · 16/02/2011 13:55

YANBU. Either the school should take a male supervisor to supervise boys, or the pool staff should section off an area of the changing room for school groups. Cubicle are generally far too small for an adult and child to change in. I would complain.

I was surprised once to go into the female changing room to find 2 male managers and 2 female staff members in there. They did leave quickly.

CinnabarRed · 16/02/2011 14:46

I wouldn't bat an eyelid at the sight of a naked male if I were in the male changing rooms. OP, YANBU.

OOOStevenOOOO · 16/02/2011 17:22

Most of the replies on here from women stress the fact that they 'Do not' want men in their changing room. So because you have this stance even though it would be happening few and far between compared to women dominating the mens changing room on a daily basis, thats tough chaps.
Men don't want women in their changing room either!
If swimming baths cannot provide the correct level of service to keep both men and women out of each others way, then those places should not be used full stop.

@cinnabarRed - I wouldn't bat an eyelid in the womens either, but that is completely beside the point.

Some smarty pants on here might claim that because it is mostly women the male changing room would be quite empty, and so it is okay for women to inavde it. No, the point made here is that few men take their children!
There are plenty of men who go on their own and find they have to get out of the way or risk being arrested for using a facility that clearly has 'Male' written on the door and not 'Unisex'
All the women on here who have insisted that they do not want men in their area, why is that? Why can't this if it is so called unavoidable be a universal thing? If women are allowed in the mens, then men should be allowed in the womens< That is what equality is all about. You can't expect us to put up with it when you clearly wouldn't yourselves.

giyadas · 16/02/2011 17:28

at risk of arrest for using the mens changing room? I think you're getting a little hysterical.

OOOStevenOOOO · 16/02/2011 17:42

at risk of arrest for using the mens changing room? I think you're getting a little hysterical

No not at all! There has been talk of signs warning that there may be women in the male area, that is your cue not to expose yourself to them. The female teachers in this case go in there expecting to have the room all to themselves, and if any men turn up they are expected to get out of the way.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/02/2011 18:00

You're not being unreasonable. It's a male changing room, you're a male. The woman shouldn't have been there.

Have a word with the sports centre manager about it, perhaps?

There would be absolute outrage here if a man had decided to get changed in the womens' changing rooms.

OOOStevenOOOO · 16/02/2011 18:14

Most of the women on here want to feel free to walk around undressed in their changing room, not having to use cubicles. Us men want the same level of freedom in our room, but being men of course we are denied that freedom, just the same as all the other examples i stated in my first post.
In the olden days ' Men ruled the world ' so to speak lol, and quite rightly that started to change, but instead of meeting in the middle and staying there it carried on and went completely the other way.
Just like the loo reference, how can it be acceptable for a woman to walk into the male loo past us all stamding there with our bits hanging out, but not acceptable for a man to walk into a woman's loo where all the women are behind doors in cubicles? Doesn't make sense at all but that is how society seems to run these days.

mayorquimby · 16/02/2011 18:34

Who are you arguing with? the majority of the recent posts and even the poster you quoted above agreed with the OP.

OTheHugeManatee · 16/02/2011 18:35

OP, YANBU.

Next time, strike a blow for equal opportunities nekkidness with a relaxed and nonchalant lack of towel. Just give them a cheery nod as you stroll by with your wedding veg aswing, and just dare them to complain.

OOOStevenOOOO · 16/02/2011 18:50

@mayorquimby-i am not arguing with anyone, i know most do agree :-) I am just putting some facts out there as reasons why things need to be changed :-) The system isn't fair to all parties is it, and this is something that affects men only not women too as it should be.

fluffywhitekittens · 16/02/2011 19:08

I can see the ops point, however for those of you saying the boys should have got changed in the girl's changing rooms would you then be happy that 9/10/11 year olds were changing for swimming together?
And if a school has no male teachers or tas should they not have swimming lessons?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/02/2011 19:10

Why can't 9/10/11 year old boys get changed in the male changing room?

It's the same as with public toilets - nobody minds a woman taking a young boy into the ladies' toilets but nobody in their right mind would take a boy of 9/10/11. I'm sure there would be complaints.

I actually feel sorry for the Dads; where can they take their little girls to the toilet?

giyadas · 16/02/2011 19:25

Steven - Claiming that men risk being arrested for changing in a mens changing room isn't presenting facts. It's clearly rubbish. What do you hope to achieve by posting paranoid fabrications?

OOOStevenOOOO · 16/02/2011 19:43

What should be happening is the council should be modifying the facility to suit these situations instead of just making it okay for women to be present where full grown men are in a naked state. If the councils made it okay for men to be present where full grown women are in a naked state, how much of an uproar do you think that would cause. Believe me they know not to go there!
It is grosely unfair to put a man in a possition where there are no cubicles available and no spaces far enough away from these women for him to get changed, so he has to just accept it and bare all to these women. The towel idea is rubbish and doesn't really work. Hows about these young boys having to be monitored while in the shower, do they think men are going to be keeping their swimming costume on in there, no they are not, so again the men have to acccept being watched naked in the shower room.
No matter what excuses people come up with, it isn't right and it never will be. They would never allow two male teachers to be in the womens room, so the very same rule should apply to the mens.

OOOStevenOOOO · 16/02/2011 19:52

Steven - Claiming that men risk being arrested for changing in a mens changing room isn't presenting facts. It's clearly rubbish. What do you hope to achieve by posting paranoid fabrications?
Then read the rest of what i have posted instead of just highlighting that one section and you will know.
How is it paranoid? Why put signs up warning you if they are not trying to cover all avenues incase a woman complains while in the male room? That is when you could be arrested.
Where will this all end anyway! Womens changing rooms continue to be a no go area, but the mens becomes a room that women can walk in and out of as they please and the men not be shy infront of them? < Okay i am teasing there :-)

giyadas · 16/02/2011 20:04

if women are taking their kids swimming more often than men (as you claim) then women have to put up with boys in their changing rooms more often than men have to put up with girls in theirs.
the local cinema has a similar sign warning female cinema goers that male cleaners are likely to walk in and out so your howls of indignation are mis-placed there as well.
your assertion that men risk arrest is bollocks and will remain bollocks regardless of how hard you cling to your victim status.

You're from the AM forum aren't you?

OOOStevenOOOO · 16/02/2011 20:13

if women are taking their kids swimming more often than men (as you claim) then women have to put up with boys in their changing rooms more often than men have to put up with girls in theirs.
the local cinema has a similar sign warning female cinema goers that male cleaners are likely to walk in and out so your howls of indignation are mis-placed there as well.
your assertion that men risk arrest is bollocks and will remain bollocks regardless of how hard you cling to your victim status.

You're from the AM forum aren't you?

1, It is the adult women we are talking about here, not the children.
2, Womens toilets are all cubicles, so what is the most that he would see anyway?
3, It is Bs at all, wowmen have been given permission to enter into the male area, the sign warns you so that you know not to prance around naked! Some women out there would complain, and it only takes one for the police to have to do their job. Thats is all i am saying.

giyadas · 16/02/2011 20:21

Why are you quoting my post back to me? I know what it said. I wrote it.
No man will be arrested for changing in the mens changing room, you have no basis for claiming otherwise and you are starting to sound increasingly ridiculous.
I repeat: You're from the AM forum aren't you?

OOOStevenOOOO · 16/02/2011 20:37

Nope, it could happen, like i said it only takes one complaint from a woman who was expecting to have the room to herself.
It is not ridiculous to post information that is actually true, all you are doing is trying to stir things up which is not what this forum is about!
Also i am not answering your silly question, get over it :-D

giyadas · 16/02/2011 20:45

No, it's a forum for intelligent debate.
Which begs the question.....
N'night troll boy

OOOStevenOOOO · 17/02/2011 06:32

No, it's a forum for intelligent debate.
Which begs the question.....
N'night troll boy

And that is what you call intelligent! Obviously something that you are lacking in greatly :-)

I will tell you why i am posting in here.
I feel as strongly about this issue that is affecting us as YOU the women so obviously do about it ever affecting you, it won't of course so you have no need to worry about it.
I am just not the type of person like so many of you on here that posts all this ' Oh no that isn't right ' stuff but then doesn't do anything about it. If something isn't right then it needs fixing and the relevant people need to hear your complaint.
There are ways around this issue, but the council needs a good kick up the Jacksy before they will bother to do anything about it. :-)

Snorbs · 17/02/2011 09:12

I think OOOStevenOOO is right about the risks of an adult man stripping off in front of women teachers and a mixed class of primary school-age children, even if it was in a men-only changing room.

I genuinely believe that any man doing so would run the very real risk of prosecution for public indecency. Or, at the very least, a ban from that leisure centre and quite possibly a whispering campaign about him being some kind of nonce.

This is something that men have to be particularly careful about. It doesn't matter if you're morally right, what matters is how many people would perceive the situation.

TiggyD · 17/02/2011 09:37

The OP doesn't sound like a particularly shy person, but what if he was? How many men over 60 would mind if 2 young ladies saw their naked bodies? People are saying that the 2 female helpers would have seen it all before, but what if they were both extremely conservative christian types? Would they mind being exposed to male genitals flapping about in the breeze?
Men's facilities are for men and women's are for women. (And occasionally cleaners of the opposite sex if announced)
As a man I would avoid being naked in front of children anyway. Too risky. Imagine one of the children saying loudly in a supermarket "there's that man. I've seen his willy".
Unisex rooms with lots of changing cubicles are the way forwards.

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