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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think women in men's changing rooms is a bit off

113 replies

notinbed · 29/01/2011 00:24

Took 18mo son to his swimming lesson yesterday (my wife normally takes him, but she was sick). In the changing room when I get out is a school group getting changed to go swimming supervised by a couple of women. Meant that instead of stripping off completely as I normally would I ended up keeping my trunks on until they'd gone - makes it rather more awkward trying to keep son's clothes dry as I get him changed. I suppose I could have used one of the two cubucles (one in use by a woman getting changed) rather than the communal area, but that makes it so much more hassle when getting stuff out of a locker trying to get a little one changed.

Kind of wish I'd not been there last week and seen the women go in - otherwise I don't think I'd have known, so would have taken trunks off in the shower before trooping in, as it was I bottled it, having suggested to wife I'd just strip off. What do you think the reaction would have been if I'd done that - not like I can be done for indecency in a malke changing room?

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 29/01/2011 09:35

Yanbu

ISNT · 29/01/2011 09:46

YANBU at all.

I don't really understand it TBH - if the children aren't old enough to go into the mens by themselves then can't they change in the women's?

And if there is some reason that it has to be in the mens one and the female teachers have to go in there, then when this is happening there should be a sign up where you buy your tickets saying that there will be women in the mens changing room, so that people can decide not to go in if that doesn't suit them, or wait a bit.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 29/01/2011 11:12

there does seem to be a double standard with this issue, women dive into mens toilets, changing rooms in clothes shops and now at the pool ffs.

If the reverse happened chances are the man would be arrested whereas a woman would just get an explanation and get off with it. S'not fair.

Serendippy · 29/01/2011 11:21

notinbed Sat 29-Jan-11 00:24:41
I suppose I could have used one of the two cubucles (one in use by a woman getting changed) rather than the communal area

I don't understand, why was there a woman getting changed in a cubicle in the make changing room? Was she one of the teachers?

YANBU to not want women in the male changing room, but from your post it sounds like the changing room is communal, otherwise why was an unconnected woman in one of the cubicles in the male changing room?

Mention to the pool staff that you felt uncomfortable. They should really advertise times when the changing room will be used by children and adults of a different sex.

Rindercella · 29/01/2011 11:32

As your DW normally takes your DS swimming, perhaps the women using that changing room were just not used to a man attending the same lesson and therefore needing to use the men's facilities?

This happened to me once when taking DD1 swimming. It was mid-cycle in the swimming lessons, the changing rooms were crap and small and so the all-female parents would also use the male changing rooms. Then a man brought his son and gasp! the outrage that we were in the male changing rooms. He actually said that he 'couldn't get over the sheer injustice of it all'. Slight over-reaction I think. Anyway, as he started taking his son regularly, we stopped using the men's changing rooms.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 29/01/2011 11:59

I see your point OP. There are many women/girls age 9+ who would feel uncomfortable with a man/older boy in the female changing rooms. In fact there was a thread on here a while back, basically the reverse of this, that turned into quite an interesting debate.

KalokiMallow · 29/01/2011 13:33

"He actually said that he 'couldn't get over the sheer injustice of it all'. Slight over-reaction I think."

Reverse it and then tell me that a woman wouldn't have been extremely annoyed/upset to find the women's changing rooms filled with men.

C0FFEE · 29/01/2011 14:10

Is this allowed?

Do male teacher supervise girls getting changed?

pigletmania · 29/01/2011 14:55

YANBU at all op, if it were the other way round it would not be accepted at all, why is it ok for females to change in male changing rooms .

coco2901 · 29/01/2011 15:04

Not read the whole thing but what i dont understand is why the female teachers didnt take the kids into the female changing rooms?

Original poster

notinbed · 29/01/2011 23:08

As your DW normally takes your DS swimming, perhaps the women using that changing room were just not used to a man attending the same lesson and therefore needing to use the men's facilities?

There was actually another man taking his little boy swimming last week, so they ought to be getting used to the idea - unfortunately it was gran's turn this week, so no critical mass. I guess it is one of these things where they expect mums to take little kids on school/work hours activities.

OP posts:

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 29/01/2011 23:19

Well really they shouldn't, not everyone works 9 to 5 and not all SAHP are mums.

cakewench · 30/01/2011 01:09

YANBU, and I don't understand people mocking you for supposedly being so. Yes, I understand the problem of there not being enough male teachers etc, but fgs, why should you be unreasonable to expect a male changing room to not feature females? Am fairly certain people wouldn't be responding this way if there were men in the womens changing area.

And since you asked, of course you should have just stripped off.

OOOStevenOOOO · 15/02/2011 17:20

This type of stuff always annoys me! I haven't read every post but the ones i have are enough for me to post my opinion.
As far as i am concerned, Women should not be allowed in male changing rooms, no matter what reasons or excuses they come up with! If the most popular excuse is because of low male staffing levels then this should have been addressed from day one.
Women visiting mens toilets because they can't be bothered cueing, they walk in and gawp at your bits on the way past ( Not acceptable ) Female prison guards being allowed to enter the places where male inmates are in a state of undress ( Not acceptable ) Female airport security scanning men with the new walk through scanner ( Not acceptable )
All the reasons that are given why men are not allowed in these situations as listed above apply to women too! Or definitely 'Should do'
It is totally wrong to suggest that men are not entitled to the same decency laws as women are. Going back to the toilet reference, in a male loo we stand there in the open, in a female loo there are only cubicals. So in actual fact it should be okay for a man to visit the female loo as nothing can be seen!
Our society needs an enormous shake up on these issues because it just isn't right at all.

Changing2011 · 15/02/2011 17:26

All the women who think OP should use a cubicle in order to make room for WOMEN in a MENS changing room are being VVU and if the situation was reversed Germaine Greer would be called in!

complexnumber · 15/02/2011 17:35

what changing2011 said!

MrsSparkle · 15/02/2011 18:01

Were the school children all boys then or mixed?

Tbh i wouldn't be all that comfortable with my dd getting changed in the mens changing rooms.

MrsSparkle · 15/02/2011 18:02

OOOStevenOOOO very good post.

EleanorJosie · 15/02/2011 18:08

Why don't all pools just make all changing communal - so cubicles and group rooms, or have a communal area?

Once I took a wrong turn and went in the men's changing room by accident Didn't see any nudity but I was mortified with embarrassment.

MrsSparkle · 15/02/2011 18:13

Our local pool has female, male and family changing rooms. I personally would hate communal changing room, especially if all the cubicles were in use.

I don't see anything wrong with just having seperate male and female changing rooms. As long as women accept that mens changing rooms are for men only and vise vercer.

OOOStevenOOOO · 16/02/2011 07:36

Some points made on here to remember!

Teaching staff and carers are mostly women.
These young boys were obviously young enough to be supervised by women.
Parents don't want anyones Dad to supervise their child.
There are also cubicles in the womens changing room.

At the end of the day it would have made sense to install the communal system in the womens area instead! These teachers are going to be in there on a regular basis so it would seem, so this puts the men in a very awkward situation on too regular a basis. A man taking his Daughter to the pool and doesn't want her in a male dominated area could go into the women's changing room instead and any women not wanting to bare all to him can quite easily use a cubicle.
I say this because it appears to be a passtime that 99% of women do and only 1% men, so why would the councils design the system this way?
Oh no the women want their 'privacy' so the men will have to put up with it even though they are the 'minority' in this case.
It isn't right and should be changed around to make it fair.

RunAwayWife · 16/02/2011 07:45

You should have used a cubical

SarahStrattonHasNiceFuckers · 16/02/2011 08:04

No, he should be entitled to not have women in the male changing room. I would not want a man changing in the female changing rooms, and I don't think it's at all unreasonable for a man to feel the same.

Equal rights means exactly that.

TheSkiingGardener · 16/02/2011 08:26

Of course women should not be in the lens changing room. If it unavoidable it should be stated ina notice on the door. OP should not have to use a cubicle!

OOOStevenOOOO · 16/02/2011 09:35

Yes yes yes, so i said cubical lol
Isn't one allowed to make the odd error when ones mind is occupied with many other things not related to this site :-D

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