To think women in men's changing rooms is a bit off

[notinbed]

Took 18mo son to his swimming lesson yesterday (my wife normally takes him, but she was sick). In the changing room when I get out is a school group getting changed to go swimming supervised by a couple of women. Meant that instead of stripping off completely as I normally would I ended up keeping my trunks on until they'd gone - makes it rather more awkward trying to keep son's clothes dry as I get him changed. I suppose I could have used one of the two cubucles (one in use by a woman getting changed) rather than the communal area, but that makes it so much more hassle when getting stuff out of a locker trying to get a little one changed.

Kind of wish I'd not been there last week and seen the women go in - otherwise I don't think I'd have known, so would have taken trunks off in the shower before trooping in, as it was I bottled it, having suggested to wife I'd just strip off. What do you think the reaction would have been if I'd done that - not like I can be done for indecency in a malke changing room?

Lol night manic your reet a dunt no y i fought ud bee usaing spellchick

Aye man.

TBH I'd strip off in front of the women teachers before I'd use a cubicle. That might not be ideal for the women teachers, but not everything in life is.

I wonder if it would change anything if I mentioned a piece of information I missed off earlier - they do appear to have one male teacher with them (along with 3 women in the mens - one of whom was just getting changed in a cubicle). Mind you I'm not sure if he was a teacher in the same sense the women were, given he didn't seem to be doing a lot to sort out the kids.

notinbed how many children were there? We used to do DD's (overwhelmingly boys) class of 27 with one male teacher for the boys, me or another mum and occasionally a female TA for the girls. I know you were just trying to get changed after your swim and were probably more concerned with that, but did the children seem more than usually in need of supervision?

Is it really that difficult for you to modify your behaviour in these circumstances?

It isn't ideal but as you say, not everything in life is. The teachers are there as part of their job; it may be unavoidable. Lots of parents would complain if a dad volunteered to supervise the boys whilst changing and we have a lack of male teaching staff.

Can you not just wrap a towel around your waist while you remove your wet shorts and then dress your bottom half from under said towel?

Not sure - there seemed quite a lot, and I did consider that 1 might not be enough (especially given how little the man seemed to be doing to help - typical bloke!) Possibly not more than 27 though.

The irritating thing is though that they were in the session after us, so surely should have been sitting on the poolside waiting when we finished - could hear the teachers telling the pupils they should be in the pool by now whilst I was in the shower (now is that the pupils' fault for being slow, or the teachers' for not allowing enough time)? I've taken my kids to swimming lessons in school time quite a bit, and that's been the case every other place I've been. If they were ready a bit sooner there wouldn't be any conflict - I couldn't care less about them being in the changing room whilst I'm in the pool.

Can you not just wrap a towel around your waist while you remove your wet shorts and then dress your bottom half from under said towel?

The thing is, I'm pretty immodest, and wouldn't even bother with the towel when getting changed in the open air in some circumstances. I really don't feel the need when I'm in a "men only" facility - in any case up to the point when they left I was busy sorting out little one, so would be having to make sure the towel stayed up whilst sorting him. Actually maybe that's the answer - next time I go I'll take a towel poolside, take off my shorts in the shower (bizarrely despite being mostly open plan changing, the showers are in cubicles with doors) and wrap a towel round me, then "accidentally" let it fall off

School swimming is a bit of a nightmare in London and probably in other cities - you're at the mercy of when the bus comes, then you have to get the kids changed, then they are supposed to have 30mins but you have to factor in how long it will take them to get dressed again and the bus back to school - DD's lessons were always in the afternoon and it was often a struggle to get them back to school for 3.30 even though we left at 1.30. I often thought it would have been better it she'd been in the class that went in the morning but then they might have missed lunch!

Unfortunately they are at the mercy of the slowest to get changed.

[apologies for using mercy twice - it's late]

I don't see the issue with just changing. The women teachers should accept it and I think it's a good thing for the boys. If they were in with their fathers, they would see the same stuff. Just do it discreetly in a corner or something and not slap shove it in the teachers faces.

It's better to have women teachers in there rather than the kids not swimming at all.

Also put in a complaint asking for family changing areas.

I get that you're fairly immodest from your posts, and I imagine that the female teachers are prepared to encounter a naked man in the male changing room. Obviously that doesn't mean they wouldn't prefer you to cover up.

My point is that sometimes things are not ideal for us as individuals, but making a small effort to make someone else's day go a little smoother, especially one that costs nothing and doesn't put us out too much, is the right thing to do.

It's not in London (or any other city), so transport not an issue - 7 miles from home to this pool is under 15 minutes drive, I'd suspect the school is less than 5 minutes drive away.

I should point out that I actually have a lot of sympathy for their need to have supervision - they're 6 or 7yo kids. Just think they could manage it a bit better.

I have always wondered why mens changing rooms are always communal and do not have cubicles for these that want or need them

My initial reaction was to be honest that some think the OP is being unreasonable. I wouldn't be comfortable with men being in the ladies changing rooms at all.

But then some of you put across some very good points regarding the lack of male teachers/no group changing facilities. So I am perching myself on the fence for this one.

I do think the OP should feel free to behave as he normally would though, I know what a struggle it can be changing with little ones in those tiny cubicles or trying to get a child dressed when you're sopping wet, trying to cover your modesty while wrestling with a toddler is a PITA.

As an aside, for those of you who mentioned "cut off" ages for when boys should stop using female changing room and girls mens, it is not always that simple. I often take my children swimming and my DS1 (almost 9) has a severe learning disability and cannot undress/dress himself, therefore, needs to be in the same changing room as me. Our local pool doesn't have family areas, if DH is with us he will take him in with him but in school hols when DH is at work then that isn't possible. I only mention it because recently I have started receiving some looks from other parents in the changing rooms, esp as DS's disability is not visible and he's tall for his age I suppose they think it is inappropriate for him to be in there, especially when his reaction to naked ladies is usually "what's that?" while pointing at their boobs!

Speaking as a female teacher, I'd be unlikely to have a fit of the vapours at the sight of OP's bum/tackle as he got changed, in the male changing room, in a public swimming pool!

But not all blokes would be as relaxed as the OP about baring their all in front of strange women (dh definitely wouldn't like it).

I do think the onus should be on the pool to provide family cubicles, so that a man with a child who needs to get changed whilst the communal area's in use by a school party can avoid embarrassment, OR on the school to send a male member of staff.

If neither's possible, well, I suppose a modest man could preserve his dignity beneath his towel - but I don't think a less modest one should feel he had to.

This is very interesting in that alot of women are saying that the OP could put himself out a bit by using the cubicles to save blushes etc.

But I can imagine that there would be absolute OUTRAGE, complaints to the pool staff, the council, the school etc, if a man was in the ladies changing rooms.

Surely if we would demand changing space free from men then the men are free to do to the same?

And I dont see that the staffing issues of the school are relevant. It is the schools place to ensure they have the correct staff in place, not other customers to change their plans to suit!

"But I can imagine that there would be absolute OUTRAGE, complaints to the pool staff, the council, the school etc, if a man was in the ladies changing rooms."

Was just thinking that!

Good point Bogeyface.

I don't agree that it's purely the schools problem though; it's societies problem that we have this paedo-paranoia coupled with nudity angst. I don't know what the school are supposed to do if the class doesn't have a male teacher and the parents object to a father helping out with changing, and there isn't a family room.

The same situation wouldn't occur in the female changing room because the vast majority of child carers are female.

But I would complain if their was a man in the female changing room, so I accept that it isn't strictly fair.

Arrgh their = there

I have always wondered why mens changing rooms are always communal and do not have cubicles for these that want or need them

Possibly because most blokes don't want or need them - at least in my experience of using communal rooms. I mean we also have communal toilets!

Thanks all - confirms my inclinations to just not worry about the towel etc. - should probably have titled the thread "AIBU to go naked in a male changing room when women are present?"

I'm like you OP, I'm pretty immodest when it comes to getting changed in communal areas (which I experience a lot....moving on).

But I think I would have been a bit uneasy about having a female nearby. The only person who should appreciate my Mr. Bojangles is my wife

But something is confusing me, I thought teacher weren't allowed to supervise kids changing? I know it's silly but I thought it was one of those Child Protection measures? As far as I know, all of my kids are left to change without a teacher supervising. I don't know, maybe it differs with age.

YANBU about the female teacher though, but's it's difficult isn't it. Anyway, you might have stunned them with the spectacle of your John Thomas on show, I've had it happen

But's?

Good news everyone, I've made a new word!

TBH I can see the OPs point of view. I wouldn't be happy with an adult male in the female changing room at all, no matter what the circumstances therefore I don't think adult females should be in the male changing room. The pool needs to have family changing rooms or the school needs to find a male teacher/TA to assist the boys.

OP Just do what you normally do if you don't feel uncomfortable I don't see why you should change or be made to feel wrong for being where your supposed to be. A bit like women coming in to use men's toilets would not stop me using a urinal because its not my problem I am supposed to be there.

Last week was the first time I have come across this problem. Took DGD and DGS swimming and naturally took them to ladies change room for a shower and change.

DGS is 5 years old.

Two young girls, about 14 started to complain about a BOY being in the girls change room.

I looked around and then realised they were talking about DGS.

He is such a sweet squishy little boy and I'm so glad he didn't realise they were talking about him.

I have always just continued using the changing room if there were people of the opposite sex present.

They can look if they like, makes no difference to me. In your situation given that you were in the men's changing room and you are in fact a man I don't think it would have been inappropriate for you to just get changed as you normally would.

If they didn't like it they could just not look, or not go into the changing room.