About Hand-me-downs.

[MarioandLuigi]

My Mum has a friend who lives in the same village as her (where I grew up, so I know this woman too). She gained custody of her GS after SS took him away from the mother. She had to give up work to care for him and is now living off her savings (as she cant claim benefits because of her savings).

My BIL (DH's brother) have a son who is of the same age. BIL and SIL have good jobs/nice home etc.

My DS is about 15 months older than both of these boys. Whenever DS grows out of clothes or toys I give them to my Mums friend, because I realise she is struggling and is on a tight budget and BIL is not.

BIL has made some comment to DH that we should be handing down stuff to them (and he was very serious) as they are family, andDH agrees.

AIBU to continue what I have been doing?

BTW - DH and I deal with finances seperately, and I always but the childrens clothes if that makes any difference (which it does to me as it is at DH's insistance that everything is seperate).

There is Just and there is Fair, and they are not always the same. Give your BIL the stained scuzzy things, lie to him and say there was nothing else, and what does he expect from hand me downs? And when questioned about the 'disappeared' items, claim they were so ruined that they had to be ragged.

tell BIL to cock off ( just learnt that saying on here and feel the need to use it as often as i can )
As one of a BIG family with lots of cousins around we all lived in hand downs but no one ever eveer declaried Dibbs that alone means saying COCK OFF is not only wanted but needed. .

I would just give BIL a couple of items to shut him up and give the rest to your mum's friend. I give all my DD's clothes to my cousin becuase they are really struggling financially. As well, I don't know how old these boys are, but now my DS wrecks things before outgrowing them - could you maybe tell BIL that stuff is wrecked?

Have you pointed out (and got an answer) as to why you have not had any of BIL's DD's handmedowns, given you are family an' all?

Make sure your dcs wear their most grotty clothes when visiting your BIL. Then dutifully give the clothes to your BIL when they are outgrown (saving the best for your mother's friend of course).

Be VERY indignant if you don't see BIL's dcs in them.

Think your bil is being very selfish as this boy needs the clothes more than their boy but he sees it as a family thing I guess so why not give your nephew a few things? But you are doing the righ thing to give them to the boy in need

i think YANBU. if you think this lady needs the clothes more, you keep helping out.
you sound lovely :)