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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shouted at in supermarket

70 replies

Upsetwifey · 28/01/2011 18:29

Name change.
This afternoon we were doing a big shop at the supermarket. I had written a list (we had agreed it together in the car) and we were walking around getting stuff. Near the end DH decides that I am not doing well with the list (saying what needs to be got) as a few things had been missed off. We are both tired and he is feeling a bit ill. Out of nowhere he then shouts at me 'You're doing terribly with the list', and a few people look over. I feel absolutely humiliated, like some kind of abused wife (which I am not). DH then apologises, but just a 'sorry', then doesn't speak to me in the car and later says he thinks I'm being way over the top. I still feel really upset and that it is just unaccceptable to speak to me like that, particularly in public. He thinks I'm playing the victim and just blowing it all up.
AIBU?

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 28/01/2011 18:30

Doesn't sound like a massive deal to me...

GypsyMoth · 28/01/2011 18:30

er no,and public humiliation/shouting IS abusive!!

up to you if you accept it really,not us.

IAmReallyFabNow · 28/01/2011 18:33

Would you have felt as bad if no one had looked? If you feel crap about it then you feel crap and he needs to be told not to speak to you like that. Maybe he would like to do the shopping alone next week.

onehotmomma · 28/01/2011 18:33

I can see both sides. DH and me often snap at each other as we both get pissed off doing shopping.

He apologised. I would leave it as that but thats just what I would do :)

Heroine · 28/01/2011 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 28/01/2011 18:36

How were you doing terriby "with the list"? Were you reading it backwards? He sounds rude...if it were me I wuold have taken the dc and gone left DH with the trolley and gone to the cafe.

Don't stand around getting told off in public.

mommmmyof2 · 28/01/2011 18:37

I have had too many public shows with dh, sometimes him and got to admit sometimes me!
I guesse if he said sorry you can only believe him.
But tell him straight you didn't like being talked to like that and you won't except it again.But we all loose it sometimes.

SmethwickBelle · 28/01/2011 18:40

YANBU, it is just a shopping list, so sounds like a massive over-reaction on his part and I would have been as embarrassed as hell.

For him to drag out his frustration at your reaction is very dismissive of your feelings and I'd be angry as hell about that.

Heroine · 28/01/2011 18:42

No you are right, everyone should be perfect all the time Hmm

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/01/2011 18:43

People who use phrases such as 'monged out' aren't perfect....

MoonGirl1981 · 28/01/2011 18:44

Do your shopping either alone or online in future - and explain to him why.

I'd feel pants too.

x

GypsyMoth · 28/01/2011 18:44

whats wrong with being 'English' heroine???

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/01/2011 18:46

English people ave manners innit ?

They don't tend to screech and make a show of themselves, if somebody accused someone of being 'sooo Indian' for example the fires of hell would open and we'd all start shitting snowballs

DuplicitousBitch · 28/01/2011 18:49

why did you both go shopping. that is madness. do it online or if you have to ONE person goes shopping.

MoonUnitAlpha · 28/01/2011 18:49

If it was out of character then I'd forget about - supermarkets bring out the worst in people and it doesn't really need both of you.

He shouldn't have snapped, you should stop milking it.

bubblewrapped · 28/01/2011 18:52

I would have calmly handed him the list, smiled sweetly, and said

"you fucking do it then"

and walked off to the coffee shop Grin

MoonGirl1981 · 28/01/2011 18:52

I won't go to a supermarket with my bloke. If I do I make sure he's well fed beforehand.

He gets stressed out and buys weird shit.

Hate to sound sexist but I'm not sure supermarkets are really designed for the men folk.

DarciesmumandTTC2 · 28/01/2011 18:55

I don't go shopping with DH for this very reason. He gets very annoyed when other shoppers are in his way and refuses to say excuse me just gets angry and takes it out on me. So I refuse to go shopping with him now.

FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 18:55

Who says we are all English. In answer to OP I would be annoyed that he over reacted to a 'list' fgs. Is he normally so anal or is it the illness? DH shouted at me down the phone the other day but rang back to apologise. He was having a shit day, we all do. He was excused and is still allowed to live here Smile (An English Joke).

trixie123 · 28/01/2011 18:55

On the very rare occasions that DP shouts at me I get very upset very quickly - I think its the shock more than anything else. YANBU to be upset but I would suggest waiting until you are both calm and feeling ok and then have a conversation about it.

MoonUnitAlpha · 28/01/2011 18:56

Yeah, women are biologically designed to be suited to supermarkets. We also love kittens and aren't good at maths or thinking too hard.

bubblewrapped · 28/01/2011 18:57

My husband hates supermarkets.. by the time we are in the second aisle his face takes on a weary look, the yawning starts and he leans over the trolley... by aisle three he usually hands me his debit card and says "I'll wait in the car" Grin result!!!

I can buy whatever I like.. and I have someone to load it into the car and out of the car when we get home!

Luckily he never helps unpack or ask for the receipt... so he doesnt see all the
chocolate, books, make-up healthy food that I he buys..

FranSanDisco · 28/01/2011 18:57

You've forgotten map reading!

clevercloggs · 28/01/2011 18:58

why didnt you say, well you do it then you prat!

and shove the list where the sun dont shine

pointydug · 28/01/2011 19:00

I am familiar with this situation and have experienced it two or three times.

Go into foul mood. He should eventually realise he has been a dick and will apologise when he is no longer feelign tired and ill.

That's what should happen, anyway