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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shouted at in supermarket

70 replies

Upsetwifey · 28/01/2011 18:29

Name change.
This afternoon we were doing a big shop at the supermarket. I had written a list (we had agreed it together in the car) and we were walking around getting stuff. Near the end DH decides that I am not doing well with the list (saying what needs to be got) as a few things had been missed off. We are both tired and he is feeling a bit ill. Out of nowhere he then shouts at me 'You're doing terribly with the list', and a few people look over. I feel absolutely humiliated, like some kind of abused wife (which I am not). DH then apologises, but just a 'sorry', then doesn't speak to me in the car and later says he thinks I'm being way over the top. I still feel really upset and that it is just unaccceptable to speak to me like that, particularly in public. He thinks I'm playing the victim and just blowing it all up.
AIBU?

OP posts:
mommmmyof2 · 28/01/2011 19:02

My dh is pretty good, but he does get on my nerves sometimes, he is inpatient but good at the actual loading bagging and putting it all in the car.

herbietea · 28/01/2011 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pointydug · 28/01/2011 19:05

oh lord, I would sulk for a pretty long time if I was shouted at in public, let me tell you

CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/01/2011 19:05

sounds a bit over the top, especially if he's feeling ill.

I don't know why you went together to do the supermarket shopping - DH and I stopped that years ago because of such little irritations withi each other. eg one person would go down one aisle to get a few things and the other down another and then we'd not find each other again when we needed to sort out who was getting what next so we'd be pissed off with each other when we finally found each other, cos all just seemed a waste of a few minutes.

Much easier to go on your own, even if it's a big shop. And ESPECIALLY if one of you's feeling a bit below par.

Mobly · 28/01/2011 19:05

Maybe a little bit OTT, but if you are upset then nothing can change how you feel. He has apologised though so I would probably accept the apology and ask him not to shout at you again.

Heroine, your post is vile and you are either ignorant or nasty or perhaps both. Are you even aware of how offensive and non-pc using the phrase 'monged out' is? You are being nasty and derogatory about people with Down's Syndrome. You ought to apologise if you have done this in ignorance.

mummylouise · 28/01/2011 19:13

bubblywrap - like ur style!!!!

i always shop online now. if we go shopping it involves bringing 3 kids - too much shouting and crying and thats just dp!!
if i go on my own i end up loading, unloading, and repeating the process in the house. also i spend to much according to dp.
online shopping has meant i actually stick to the budget!

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/01/2011 19:30

Nah, she's not done it in ignorance, she's just a repeat offending, thoughtless twat [bwink]

megapixels · 28/01/2011 19:35

This is why I don't like supermarkets. The big weekly shop brings out the worst in people Grin.

Online is the way to go OP.

Gleekfreak · 28/01/2011 19:38

Mummy Louise, am with you on online shopping-no screaming and sort of stick to budget. And heroine do behave with the language there's a dear :o

purpleandpink · 28/01/2011 19:42

I don't understand why you both went? Either DH or I does it, NEVER together - we might kill one another! haha!

Seriously, I'm with bubblywrap's response ie "you fucking do it then" and head to the coffee shop. He was rude and you felt humiliated. not unreasonable of you BUT one of you will have to give sooner or later I guess.....

Vallhala · 28/01/2011 19:50

He'd be doing the shopping alone from now on if I were you. In fact, he'd have had to do this week's because I would have handed him the bloody list and gone to the pub home.

I have a very firm rule - no-one shouts at me and gets away with it. A man who expected to share my bed later certainly wouldn't!

Feeb1 · 28/01/2011 20:00

Well someone was having a bad day!

He may well be feeling rather embarrassed now by his own behaviour, which is why he wants to move on.

Next time you shop together get him to manage the list and say sweetly "Darling how are we doing with the list?" and flutter your eyelashes at him.

GloriaSmut · 28/01/2011 20:00

DP would rather boil his own bollocks and serve them on toast for his tea than he would shout at me in public. Let alone in a supermarket. To be honest, if we were getting at all stressed out shopping then we'd both fuck off into the coffee shop and take comfort from cake.

baabaapinksheep · 28/01/2011 20:02

Did you say anything back to him?? If not then yes you probably did look like an "abused wife". It was wrong of him to shout at you, but I think you're playing up to the poor defenceless woman role by not saying anything in return. If that was my DP, he would at least get told to fuck off.

mamalino · 28/01/2011 20:05

Add message | Report | Message poster Heroine Fri 28-Jan-11 18:35:42
that sounds hilarious - him going blue in the face about THE LIST people are allowed to losee their tempers and be angry once in a while FFS what do you want monged out lobotomies droning around passively smiling at each other - god you lot are so English about emotion (NOT a compliment!)

Fucking hell.

mamalino · 28/01/2011 20:08

Sorry OP was so stunned about "monged out" I forgot to say YANBU. Being shouted at is not acceptable in my book.

twirlymum · 28/01/2011 20:13

Sorry to be ignorant, but what does 'monged out' have to do with Downs Syndrome?
Round here it is used as a reference to being high on something.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/01/2011 20:19

Nooooo, it's a slang reference to 'mongol'

Aka, a child/adult with downs syndrome, if I had a child with downs syndrome who is obviously superiour to a drugs user i'd be bloody furious seeing it used so casually to insult people....and stop acting deliberately thick. Please.

HTH.

kittybuttoon · 28/01/2011 20:20

Oh well, at least he said sorry I suppose.

If he ever dares to do it again (I'm sure he won't tho), you yell right back, girl - fellow shoppers will give you a round of applause and he will be mortified!

Me and DH shopping together at Sainsbo's is terrible. But for some reason, doing it online together is quite fun. I'd give it a go if I were you two.

Unrulysun · 28/01/2011 20:34

I don't think she could be described as 'thoughtless' I think quite a lot of thought goes into it. It's just the wrong kind of thought which starts with 'How can I make people angry and upset?' and goes downhill from there.

sharon2609 · 28/01/2011 20:39

Supermarkets bring the worse out in men. My ex snapped at me once for walking too fast whilst pushing the trolley....hence he's now ex Grin

TragicallyHip · 28/01/2011 20:42

I don't know why you felt the need to name change but hey ho.

Yes he shouldn't have shouted but he did apologise. You are tired and he is ill and it is easy to snap at each other.

Just shout back at him next time!

RevoltingPeasant · 28/01/2011 20:50

apocalypse I don't think twirlymum was being 'deliberately thick'.

Where I grew up, 'mong' was another name for weed and 'monged out' would also have meant 'high'. Here I understand it is clearly short for 'mongoloid' which is really fucking offensive, and I can't believe someone would use that on a parenting site where people with DCs with SNs are posting Confused

Anywhooooo... OP YANBU. My DP gets stressed sometimes. He has shouted at me in public once. My DSis was there at the time so I didn't say anything. However, after, I marched him off took him aside and said that I didn't find it acceptable for me to speak to him this way and I wouldn't tolerate it. Perfectly calm, didn't ask for an apology. Just said that.

I got an apology and it's never happened since. Don't play the victim, just tell him. But I do understand how you felt.

RevoltingPeasant · 28/01/2011 20:52

for him to speak to me that way.

Sigh.

fucking wine

StuffingGoldBrass · 28/01/2011 20:58

Well it's not nice of him to shout but nearly everyone shouts sometimes, especially when tired and unwell. Is he generally a good chap and was this an unusual thing? If so, given that he's apologised, best to let it go (but if he does it again, just say Don't speak to me like that and walk away).