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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Shouted at in supermarket

70 replies

Upsetwifey · 28/01/2011 18:29

Name change.
This afternoon we were doing a big shop at the supermarket. I had written a list (we had agreed it together in the car) and we were walking around getting stuff. Near the end DH decides that I am not doing well with the list (saying what needs to be got) as a few things had been missed off. We are both tired and he is feeling a bit ill. Out of nowhere he then shouts at me 'You're doing terribly with the list', and a few people look over. I feel absolutely humiliated, like some kind of abused wife (which I am not). DH then apologises, but just a 'sorry', then doesn't speak to me in the car and later says he thinks I'm being way over the top. I still feel really upset and that it is just unaccceptable to speak to me like that, particularly in public. He thinks I'm playing the victim and just blowing it all up.
AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

Upsetwifey · 28/01/2011 21:01

Thanks for the replies - was interesting to see how varied they are. We have made up now - he is ill and neither of us could be bothered to argue anymore. He was very wrong to shout at me like that and has promised never to do it again. He does get snappy when he's ill or stressed though so we'll see. I probably should have just shouted or at least answered back. I did perhaps overreact a wee bit but my parents used to argue in public and I cannot stand any public displays of anger.
I think we will stick to online shopping from now on...

OP posts:

twirlymum · 28/01/2011 21:34

Apocolypse I genuinely have not heard it in that context.

That does not make me thick

Maybe it's a regional/generational thing?

MadamDeathstare · 28/01/2011 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twirlymum · 28/01/2011 21:46

Madam yes, vile.

I have only ever heard it used to describe someone off their face on drugs.
They say you learn something new every day!

macdoodle · 28/01/2011 21:48

I honestly do not get the couple thing going grocery shopping?? Why?? Its bizarre!

RevoltingPeasant · 28/01/2011 21:53

macdoodle

Er because you both want food to eat, so it's a joint household chore, perhaps...?

And for all those people who 'can't take their DHs shopping, because they just can't stand going round the supermarket'....

FFS. Then they don't eat.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 28/01/2011 22:00

Think maybe you could use this as a warning to him, I know you have made up now, but tell him if he ever does anything like this again, you WILL stop WHATEVER you are doing and walk away (without further discussion or explanation), as you do not wish to be humiated or have a flaming row in public.

ChippyMinton · 28/01/2011 22:08

I'm with macdoodle. The only time DH and I shop together is when on holiday. Either he goes or I do. And I wouldn't take the DC either, unless I had to.

Don't think this is particularly unusual.

Dancergirl · 28/01/2011 22:14

I can see why you're upset but if it is out of character for your dh I would cut him a bit of slack. As you said he was feeling a bit ill and probably just got a bit impatient. Not brilliant manners on his part but if it's a one-off I would let it go. And go shopping by yourself in future...or do it online and NEVER go!

Mobly · 29/01/2011 20:18

Twirlymum, I think alot of people use the word in ignorance, that's why I feel I have to say something when I hear the word being used.

You think it is just in reference to people on drugs but think about it..... why are they using that particular term for people on drugs? It's because it's likening drug users to people with Down's Syndrome. That's why they use it in that context. So it amounts to the same thing- it is still using a genetic condition as a derogatory term therefore it is very offensive and cruel.

The word 'Mongol' originally was used to desribe a person from the Mongolian race but because people with Down's Syndrome were deemed to have similar features to the Mongolian race, it was used as slang for people with Down's syndrome. Now it is just used as an insult.

My uncle has Down's Syndrome so this is personal for me and makes my blood boil.

The ignorant need educating don't they so next time you hear it please explain why it is offensive and wrong.

Mobly · 29/01/2011 20:20

And in typical cowardly fashion of those who mock the vulnerable Heroine never came back to apologise.

unpa1dcar3r · 30/01/2011 14:40

I would've smiled sweetley and said 'yes I'm clearly the thick one here and you're clearly the clever one. This is why I married you and you married me, now being as I'm so crap and you're so brilliant in future you can do the frigging shopping, see ya' Then I would'vew gone and had a facial.

unpa1dcar3r · 30/01/2011 14:45

And Mobley; well said! Any term like this is an insult to someone with a disability.
After all when people make racist/sexist remarks or call people racist/sexist names everyone's up in arms about it (rightly so too) so it should be the same for those derogatory terms used to insult peoples intelligence.

Nancy66 · 30/01/2011 14:54

I'd have burst out laughing if DP had shouted 'YOU ARE DOING TERRIBLY WITH THE LIST' at me in a supermarket.

It's a fucking shopping list. How can you do 'terribly' at it? Were you substituting loaves of bread with shoe polish or something?

Honeybee79 · 30/01/2011 15:01

Personally, I don't think it acceptable to bollock your other half in public however cross you are so YANBU about his behaviour. That said, he did apologise.

We have our worst arguments either in the supermarket or about going to the supermarket. We had one today in fact. Sainsbo brings out the worst in DH.

Lamorna · 30/01/2011 15:02

I think that it is a fuss about nothing, I would have just handed it to him, said 'yes I am' you do it! (in a pleasant tone)

twirlymum · 30/01/2011 21:48

I used to run a youth group for children with special needs, including Downs Syndrome, so believe me I would not tolerate any derogatory language if I heard it, but had not heard that word used as an insult before.
Like I said before, you learn something new every day.

QueenofAllWildThings · 30/01/2011 22:46

"You fucking do it then!"

Said this to DH when he moaned about the washing not being done (had a new baby at the time).

He did. Result.

Take a deep breath but tell him where to stick the list next time.

squareheadcut · 30/01/2011 22:57

he's human, everyone loses it occasionally, as long as it's not over the top, but this doesn't seem to fit that category - have some understanding , get him to try to understand supporting and positive vibes work better and then laugh about how he lost it over a shopping list, then kiss and make up xx

Morloth · 31/01/2011 00:16

DH and I cannot go shopping together, it always ends up with one of us yelling and the other stropping.

What you are typing sounds about par for the course for our shopping trips and in fact would be a good day.

If it isn't normal behaviour for him then I would let it slide and just avoid shopping together in the future.

We have been married 13 years this year and have been shopping together perhaps 5 times in the last 5 years. It just doesn't work out.

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