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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people to be on time

33 replies

GnomeDePlume · 28/01/2011 15:55

PiL wanted to come around to visit this afternoon. They said they would get here at 3.30. There were some time constraints for us so not a lot of flexibility if they want to see all their GCs. They didnt arrive so I phoned to check. They were just setting off (they live 40 minutes away). The only reason I know they are going to be an hour late is that I phoned them.

They do this so often and it drives me up the wall. Of course they arent reliable. Every now and then they turn up early just to screw us up in a different way.

I'm punctual, DH is punctual. They have no concept of time. If you can hear a thudding sound in the distance it is my forehead smacking on my desk.

Thank you - as you were.

OP posts:
JannerBird · 28/01/2011 15:59

YANBU. It really annoys me when people are late. To me, what they are basically saying is that their time is more important than mine.

I am equally annoyed by people who make a huge issue out of being busy - as if it's a competition.

rubyrubyruby · 28/01/2011 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

southeastastra · 28/01/2011 16:03

ooh no a hour is not acceptable, maybe 20 mins at most

my sister is like this so i tell her to come at least and hour and half earlier that expected, usually works

SoMuchToBits · 28/01/2011 16:05

If someone was that late, but it was a one-off and for a good reason, then I could excuse them, but if they are often late, just because they can't organise themselves very well, then I think it's rude and unreasonable.

matchbox20 · 28/01/2011 16:05

I cannot abide lateness.

If you are going to be late at least have the respect for the other person and ring them.

Lateness is lack of respect.

DurhamDurham · 28/01/2011 16:07

If it was an official appt I would be angry but this is an informal visit from family. You were in your home, it's not like you were waiting around for them in the cold.
I think you are being a little bit U!!

rubyrubyruby · 28/01/2011 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HMTheQueen · 28/01/2011 16:20

I'm with you - V. annoying!

My FiL is like this. He has no concept of time. He has no problem keeping everyone else waiting, but will storm off if he is kept waiting (also can't wait in traffic... must find a cut through or wiggle between lanes pointlessly).

It irritates the hell out of me - I was raised to believe that lateness is rude and it means that you think your time is more important than others.

matchbox20 · 28/01/2011 16:20

3 hours......they would not be invited again in my house.

HMTheQueen · 28/01/2011 16:21

Oh, and as for the points about 'it's family' - I think we should be more polite to family - families are more important than strangers, so they should be treated better.

missmapp · 28/01/2011 16:22

This drives me mad, I hate waiting for people, at home or anywhere else. But then I am guilty of saying ' dont worry, it doesnt matter' when people are late so I only have myself to blame!!

mollymole · 28/01/2011 16:24

YANBU they are being rude - it does not matter family or not, unless there is an emergency then you arrive on time

HecateQueenOfWitches · 28/01/2011 16:24

My brother in law is very poor at timekeeping.

Once, he was very late and my husband made us get in the car and go out for the rest of the day Grin

I recommend it. Sends a message.

And if they dare have a go about it, put on your confused face and say "oh, but we agreed X oclock. You were Y hours late without phoning or anything, so I naturally assumed you weren't coming."

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 28/01/2011 16:27

YANBU

If it's a one off and they ring to warn you they're going to be late is fine but to be consistently late isn't. It doesn't matter if it's family or not.

McHobbes · 28/01/2011 16:28

YANBU!!

My fil is just the same - always late for arrangements by an hour or more. Yet, if we get held up 15 mins on our way to see them, he is the first to huff and puff and draw his mouth in like a dog's bum.

He truly believes his time is more important than ours and we fell out recently regarding this very same topic. I stood up to him for the first time ever, told him (politely but firmly) that contrary to his belief, his time is NOT more important than ours, and that his lateness was rude....especially given how annoyed he gets when someone is late for him.....and the old goat hasn't spoken to me since.

Fuck 'im.

cat64 · 28/01/2011 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HMTheQueen · 28/01/2011 16:41

Well done McHobbes! I am slowly rising to the same point with my FiL - where he gets a proper dressing down (which I know will make no difference but will make me feel better!) Grin

Original poster
GnomeDePlume · 28/01/2011 19:06

They got here as DD1 and I were rushing out of the door (PiLs knew we were going out)- they conveniently parked blocking my car in so I had to get them to move. Ends up with me cross for them rocking up when it suits and them cross with me for being cross with them.

All seething undercurrent as none of us want to have a row.

Ho well they are gone now so peace, calm and punctuality reign once more.

Time to move on!

OP posts:
JarethTheGoblinKing · 28/01/2011 19:10

YANBU.

Same issue with my parents, we are 40 mins away as well, e.g. I'll invite them over for lunch and they'll aim to get there for 12:00, phone will go at 12:20 and say that they're just leaving, but going to the shops on the way. They rock up at 1:30pm, wondering why I've eaten already and starving.. complaining that their lunch isn't ready Confused

If they didn't ring I would go insane.

5Foot5 · 28/01/2011 19:10

Are they retired? I think maybe once people have all day to suit themselves they get more casual about timekeeping and assume everyone else is in the same position.

Lara2 · 28/01/2011 19:12

YANBU - my DH's family are always late and it drives me mad. DH leaves at the time he's supposed to actually be there and always insists that he isn't late FFS!!! After over 20 years, I no longer wait for him and will often make my own way. I've given up making excuses at meetings and told them to start without him - he's a grown up and can do his own apologies and explaining.

I think it's appalling to be habitually late - everyone is late occassionally through no fault of their own and these days mobiles mean you can immediately phone and apologise and set a new time. To just turn up late is inexcusable.

mitochondria · 28/01/2011 19:14

My inlaws are like this. The day before our wedding FIL was telling me a hilarious story about how he was always late for weddings. I told him if he turned up late for ours he wasn't getting in. He just made it.

They live on the IOW. Spend most of their time missing ferries.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 28/01/2011 19:16

YANBU lateness is the height of rudeness and as people have said it basically says my agenda is more important than yours and you will have to wait for me or work to my agenda.

Lateness is rife at work (like 20 mins late for a 30 min meeting) and I got to the point where I would literally start the meeting no later than 5 minutes after it was due to start, wouldn't acknowledge late people coming into the room and refuse to recap for latecomers and the meeting finished the moment it was supposed to.

We had 6 people over for dinner last weekend, one couple were an hour late (with no telephone call to say they were on their way or any sort of good reason when they arrived), tough shit, they missed the starter and just had to pull up a chair and get on with main. I wasn't mean to them or anything but nor did I make an extra effort to accommodate their lateness.

mitochondria · 28/01/2011 19:16

My parents, on the other hand, always have to be early for everything. Almost as annoying, in their own way.