To expect people to be on time

[GnomeDePlume]

PiL wanted to come around to visit this afternoon. They said they would get here at 3.30. There were some time constraints for us so not a lot of flexibility if they want to see all their GCs. They didnt arrive so I phoned to check. They were just setting off (they live 40 minutes away). The only reason I know they are going to be an hour late is that I phoned them.

They do this so often and it drives me up the wall. Of course they arent reliable. Every now and then they turn up early just to screw us up in a different way.

I'm punctual, DH is punctual. They have no concept of time. If you can hear a thudding sound in the distance it is my forehead smacking on my desk.

Thank you - as you were.

my in laws are early and it really drives me mental. i would rather they were slightly late.

I have contact with a couple of people who are always late - so 30 minutes is added onto the time and sometimes we purposly bring the time forward by 30-45 minutes

it is horrid being late and it is horrid waiting for soemone

But in the last month one of the late people arrived spot on time - and guess what... my dd2 wasn't ready and the usually late person had to wait for dd2! and and it was frowned upon by the normally late person wow

It drives me crazy and I think it is especially difficult if you have little ones. My parents can be rather like this and even if they are just coming to the house an hour makes a big difference - do we put DS down for nap or not? Are we going to go out and do something because now it'll be a rush to get back for tea etc. I am not a routine nazi and DS is pretty flexible but he has to eat and sleep at some point and you make arrangements to try and make the best of the day. When it all goes to fuck because they are just basically faffing its VV annoying. We also have friends who do this, no kids, live 20 mins away but are habitually 1-2 hours late, even when we are cooking them a meal. It implies that their time is more valuable and I keep trying to get up the courage to actually cancel on them one day when they ring to say they'll be late.

Nest time, go out 30 minutes after their expected arrival time so they have come for nothing.

My mother was habitually late so I simply adjusted the time of events to take account of this but it was bloody annoying for all that. I've also got friends who seem unable to tell the difference between arrival and departure time and don't start their journeys until the time they were due to arrive at their destination. It's downright fucking rude! After all, how hard is it to make an arrangement that's conveniently timed for everyone and then keep to it? Nobody minds those exceptional times when you can't avoid being late but since everyone has a mobile phone there's very little excuse not to ring ahead and warn your hosts.

However, I also have a friend who is habitually early - a habit which is actually far more trying. She thinks it is a huge virtue and will not accept that people might structure their time around more than just her visit. I work mainly from home and I swear that she thinks she's doing me a favour by arriving early to entertain me. Which I don't. Also, were I to turn up at her workplace three quarters of an hour early I'd soon be told how inconvenient this was!

Ultimately, it is all insulting and self-important.

So annoying! YANBU. It is totally rude and worthy of a sharp knee in the fundament. Since it's family cat64's solution might be more diplomatic, i.e. telling them what time you are going out etc. After a few visits where they only get 5 minutes with you all before you go out and they have to turn around a go home the message might sink in.

The earliness thing is v annoying too. My parents once turned up 2 hours early for lunch, i.e. in the middle of the morning, house was still a tip - toys etc. How lovely I said, you must have known I would need some help. I made my dad hoover and pick up toys and my mum peel the spuds and set the table and they seemed to repent of their earliness!

Unfortunately PiLs knew that we were going out (I had told them when arranging the time plus it is something we have been doing every week for three years).

They are long retired (as suggested up thread) and have forgotten that the rest of us have limited time and lots to do. They have all the time in the world and therefore filling it with faffing.

The difficulty is that I really like them and dont want to row or cause a scene All I want is for them to arrive at the time they had agreed!

As DD1 observed (as I ranted up the road) I'll be just as bad one day.

I do hate people who don't turn up on time, and do my utmost to make sure I am not the unpunctual one - and if I am going to be more than 10 mins late through circumstances beyond my control then I call or text to explain myself.

But I actually hate the earlies and the lates with equal vehemence - unless it is only a matter of 10 minutes or so either way, which could happen to anyone if the traffic is unusually light/heavy.

DH's family are lovely, but some of them have a tendency to arrive up to an hour early when you invite them to dinner. They trot in smiling and asking if they can do anything to help, but really, I'd rather they arrived when they were supposed to so they don't have to witness me with half-done hair brushing cat fur off the sofas

My DSCs on the other hand turn up at least an hour late for everything, often 2 or 3 hours late - if they remember to turn up at all. I don't comment, DH does enough frothing at the mouth for both of us.