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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel offended that my over night guest brought his own towels?

74 replies

mousymouse · 28/01/2011 08:16

my father stays with us for a few days.
he has brought his own towels, or rather my bonkers mother has packed them for him.
I have plenty of clean, soft, lovely towel.
aibu to feel a bit offended?

OP posts:
bamboobutton · 28/01/2011 08:18

if it saves me extra washing i couldn't care less if someone bought their own towels.

i'd take my own towels too if i had room but my own duvet and pillows take up all the spare boot space.

JeelyPiece · 28/01/2011 08:18

YABU, maybe he did it to save you the extra washing? Much more likely than your parents thinking your towels are minging! Did you ask him why?

HettyAmaretti · 28/01/2011 08:19

YABU it's common courtesy to take towels as a guest.

YWNBU if it was bed linen, but really, I don't understand how you could be offended. Surely less washing is never a bad thing.

pinkhebe · 28/01/2011 08:19

I think he is just being considerate. I don't often have enough nice towels that match to leave for guests

Original poster
mousymouse · 28/01/2011 08:20

it doesn*t save me washing, because he does not use the hard scratchy towel when he can have a soft one.

OP posts:
RamblingRosa · 28/01/2011 08:20

YABU I agree that your mum probably was trying to be considerate and save you lots of extra washing.

pagwatch · 28/01/2011 08:20

Yabu

Probably did standard going away pack and didn't allow for uber sensitive hurt feelings.

You are over thinking it massively.

Btw my mum always used to make my dad have separate towels as he got very dry scaly skin as he got older. She was them in baby detergents for him. [sweet]

greedychops · 28/01/2011 08:20

My parents now take their own sheets with them. They say it's to save our washing, but I think it s a little odd. However each to their own. I know our sheets are not disgusting so I can only assume that they genuinely want to save our washing.

redskyatnight · 28/01/2011 08:22

Unless he also brought his own sheets, blankets, toilet roll and pre-cooked meals I think YABU. If I was staying with someone I normally check if they would like me to bring a towel (know many people who have none spare or are terminally behind in their washing). If I'd forgotten to check I would normally take one "in case".

Does he have any skin allergies? I would normally take our own towel for DS as he has a tendency to react to other people's washing powder/fabric conditioner.

weefriend · 28/01/2011 08:24

It's just to save you washing. My PIL even bring their own bedding sometimes when they stay over. Roll it out on the bed, sleep, take it home again. Means there's no washing for me to do. I take it as a kindness, especially as it's usually so they can babysit :)

alegre · 28/01/2011 08:24

I'd assume that it's to save extra washing and be grateful. We have family that sometimes bring their own duvets, although they're always clear that it's to save washing. I'm always really pleased - I hate having to put on extra loads of washing for extra sheets and towels.
If you're unsure why don't you just make a joke about it and ask? After all he is your father, not one of your in-laws, so I assume he'd be OK about you mentioning it?

BluddyMoFo · 28/01/2011 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

camdancer · 28/01/2011 08:27

I do understand your frustration. When my IL's come to stay they bring everything with them in their camper van and stay on the drive. That would annoy me enough, but they then bring in their breakfast cereals, in their bowls, with their milk. And before bed they bring in their mugs, chocolate powder and milk again. Oh and they also "helpfully" say that they have stocked up the camper fridge and freezer and did we want to share their ready meals and other food for meals. I could go on!

We have a nice warm, clean house with a spare bedroom. I spend loads on the types of food they like (nice meat and 2 veg) and I'm a decent cook. I even get in extra milk! They are offensive. Hopefully your Mum is just being considerate rather than passive agressive. You know her best though so your call.

Original poster
mousymouse · 28/01/2011 08:31

that is part of the problem, I know that my mother is passive agressive. she can be a right bitch and we don*t get on too well because of that.

OP posts:
echt · 28/01/2011 08:32

YANBU. Unless there is some special need/requirement, it looks rude.

As for the suggestion of somehow saving you expense; give you a tenner.

NinkyNonker · 28/01/2011 08:38

Yabu

NinkyNonker · 28/01/2011 08:39

Hang on, is this the father you didn't want to get the coffee machine out for? Perhaps he is trying to make sure he doesn't inconvenience you?

Chandon · 28/01/2011 08:42

Yabu,

I would just be pleased as it saves on washing.

My mum always made me bring my own towel when I visit people, it is a generation thing.

yabu yabu yabu

libelulle · 28/01/2011 08:51

Unless there is a good reason (coming on the train, from abroad etc) I actually thnk it's rude to turn up without towels! Friends/relatives houses are not a hotel and it's just common consideration to not leave behind a pile of dirty towels that your host then has to wash.

cabbageroses · 28/01/2011 08:53

YABU

He probably did it to save you washing.

I take my own towels- not to family- but on holidays when self catering etc as I am never sure how well, or in what, the towels have been washed.

I would also take my own towel if staying at a friends I didn't know too well for same reasons.

In your case, I suspect it's to save you the effort - and some people are short of spare towels!

Ragwort · 28/01/2011 08:57

camdancer - why be annoyed if your ILs stay in their campervan - seems to me like it is the ideal solution, you get to see them (if you want to Grin) without the hassle of overnight guests, clean sheets, extra cooking etc. My parents often book into a B & B - I'm not offended at all. I also think some older people find it quite hard to be in a busy 'family' - gets in the way of reading the Telegraph over their toast & marmalade !

It is definately a generation thing about bringing own towels - I think it is really helpful.

My mother has just stayed with us (in the house) and as she left she said 'I haven't used the bath towel - to save your washing' Confused.

Vallhala · 28/01/2011 08:59

I think it's a generation thing too. My mother always takes her own towels and I was brought up to (although nowdays I would ask my host if they wanted me to bring them).

Try not to take it too personally.

FreeButtonBee · 28/01/2011 09:02

My PIL do this too. It's taken 8 years for them to realise that we have enough towels to go round. They still bring their own toothpaste (which is prob fair enough as people have personal preferences) and face cloths (which they then leave artfully draped around the bathroom...

Bramshott · 28/01/2011 09:04

I love it when people bring their own towels Smile!

Pancakeflipper · 28/01/2011 09:05

As I face the prospect of the weekend of in-laws and my parents staying - I wanna go out and buy a camper van....

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