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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel offended that my over night guest brought his own towels?

74 replies

mousymouse · 28/01/2011 08:16

my father stays with us for a few days.
he has brought his own towels, or rather my bonkers mother has packed them for him.
I have plenty of clean, soft, lovely towel.
aibu to feel a bit offended?

OP posts:

whatdoiknowanyway · 28/01/2011 19:36

I had it the other way round. Went to spend a weekend with a friend. No towels provided just for us and none in the bathroom for 'communal' use either. Was very awkward - particularly as they had stayed with us and been provided with all towels etc.

onceamai · 28/01/2011 19:44

Just put the towels in the bathroom or on the bed and ignore. If he brought a sleeping bag it would help even more!

Be grateful SIL2 once asked if she should put clean sheets on the bed (after a free two week stay) and I said yes. She put on a clean sheet and clean pillow cases and put the dirty duvet cover on top (even though a clean cover was put out for her). Dirty cow! I then had to change the lot again - not sure if she's stupid or just took the piss to be fair.

sheeplikessleep · 28/01/2011 19:49

vom at 'guest toothbrush'

DrSeuss · 28/01/2011 20:05

We often take our own sheets/towels to family if we are only staying one night. That saves someone washing stuff that was barely used, especially given the recent weather.

SandStorm · 28/01/2011 20:07

My MIL has been known to bring her own duvet - on the train!

I think it's a 'mum' thing to save you extra work. I like guests like that though I don't expect it.

rookiemater · 28/01/2011 20:11

My parents bring their own towels and Mum says it is to save on washing, so to echo some other posters it must be a generational thing.

BIL brings his own mattress topper because apparently our guest bed is too hard to sleep on. No one else has ever complained about it, but as long as it helps him sleep well I suppose its fine, although I do wish I would remember not to make up the bed.

KurriKurri · 28/01/2011 20:16

You're probably right OP, I expect he said

'Oh God, Mousymouse's has minging towels, what can I do?'

and after a brainstorming session, you mother said

'Eureka I have it ! - you could take your own towels, and she won't guess that you think hers are complete pants'

But there was no fooling you was there?

Why don't you send your mum a rude e-mail saying 'never ever sully my house with your own towels again'?

Sorted.

cazza40 · 28/01/2011 20:20

Think its completely fine that he brought his towels - YABU

mum295 · 28/01/2011 22:12

My parents and PILs also bring their own towels, to save me washing.

I have a lovely pile of fluffy towels in the guest room, but they are seldom used...

Beamur · 28/01/2011 22:14

My PIL always bring their own, I don't bother putting any out for them anymore.
Doesn't offend me though. They always bring huge amounts of stuff with them - they even brought several rolls of kitchen towels with them at New Year - I was pleased, we'd run out.

cheesesarnie · 28/01/2011 22:15

i take my own towels.what if you had skanky towels?they wouldn't know till it was too late!
dh removes my towels from my case before i go anywhere which i despise him for

cheesesarnie · 28/01/2011 22:15

dh takes loo roll

rupert1 · 28/01/2011 22:22

Really not important,doesn't matter,if i stayed at my daughters i would definitely take a towel even although she is very organised.

A1980 · 28/01/2011 23:09

I take towels too. It never occurred to me that it would offend some people.

In fact I would ahve thought that they preferred it so I'm not using their towels.

TastesLikePanda · 28/01/2011 23:28

I had to buy a towel once when I was staying with a friend because she literally had one towel. We couldn't both shower...

On the other hand, a friend of DH's used to take a fork out of the cutlery drawer in our house and rinse it under the tap. Now that I found rude. I have no objection with people using a fork if they have turned up with a takeaway but don't fecking rinse a fork that has been washed up and put away

AllGoodNamesGone · 28/01/2011 23:39

Hmmm, not many people seem to have read past the first post to the bit about the OP thinking her Mum has done it as a passive aggresive thing and the Dad actually used the OP's soft fluffy towel anyway!

Well, OP, you will have got a little bit of revenge when she unpacked for him (assuming if she does his packing she also does his unpacking - my DH is on his own for both but hey!) and found her scratchy towel neatly folded and unused in his case! Unless he messed it up so as not to offend her

I would be surprised if she really did it to offend though.

I always take my own pillow to my parents as theirs are squashy and I like a firm one. Makes it slightly easier to sleep there but I do miss my own bed as I get older (used to be able to sleep anywhere).

TastesLikePanda · 28/01/2011 23:43

Tiny hijack here - Stayed in a really really cheap hotel in Florida last year and they had cheap, old towles that had been washed many times and were scratchy... they were amazing! Like an all over body exfoliation! I kind of wish I'd stolen bought one of them when I left.
I personally don't like fluffy, soft towels to dry with, they just seem to move the water around, instead of drying me. Or maybe I'm doing it wrong?

onmyfeet · 28/01/2011 23:50

We bring our own towels and bedding when we visit some good friends. This is because I want to save them washing. Plus, they don't use laundry soap that is unscented, and dh and I have allergies. I don't tell them about the sheets, I just put theirs back on when we leave.

cat64 · 28/01/2011 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Hulababy · 29/01/2011 00:01

I often take my own towels if gong to visit people. If hey provide towels I use theirs as it saves me on washing but intake just in case?

I'd not be offended if one of out overnight guests brought towels.

tigerdriverII · 29/01/2011 00:06

blimey, MN does really have a lot to answer for. In all my years it's never ocurred to me to take towels with me. We do stay at SILS and she with us and we take bedding to save stripping a bed for one night, but towels, - you just chuck em in the washer???

PS I haven't washed our bath towels this year, am I a slattern? We are all clean when we get out of the shower.

samels001 · 29/01/2011 00:11

So funny - I read your title thread and thought YADNBU. My inlaws do this and it really annoys me. But then I read everyone else's replies.

I'm now sitting on the fence. I still think YANBU - one of the pleasures of having people to stay for me is looking after them - I buy food they like, make sure the house is clean, tidy, comfortable. But I can now see that other people are being thoughtful too so thank you all for your thoughts - it was useful to get the other point of view!

Original poster

mousymouse · 29/01/2011 15:35

panda I wash mine at 60 with half the recommended detergent, then put them in the dryer for half an hour. that way the towels get really soft and fluffy but are still absorbent.
I dont like it when they are washed with conditioner, that makes the towels soft, but they dont soak up the water as well.

thing is, I think my mother does it on purpose. the night before my father came we spoke on the phone. she/he asked what they need to bring and I said (as always) that there is no need to take towels...

I with samels, I provide everything for my guests, I cook what they like and I try to have food in the house that they like as well. for example, my father loves peppers, my mother can*t stand them, so we will have a lovely goulash tonightm :)

OP posts:

MrsCuldesac · 29/01/2011 16:04

TastesLikePanda - we like scratchy towels, too. Washed in non-bio detergent, no conditioner, line-dried til bone-dry then folded with lots of "snapping" motion before going back into the airing cupboard. We have two extremely old towels (50 years plus - we have the photos from childhood Margate holidays)) which are still bathroom favourites. After one use they go all floppy. Sigh.

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