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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find it really gross when DP doesn't shower?

55 replies

codsworth · 27/01/2011 12:07

Personally I get a shower every night, I wouldn't feel clean going to bed without a shower. DP on the other hand doesn't seem to care. When I first met him he only used to shower once or twice a week. He began showering every other night but I think only for my benefit. Now he's going back to his old ways and if I don't mention it, he'll happily go two or three days without a shower. He has a physical job, works in a supermarket all day and is kept active all day (not sat at check-outs) so I really think its gross that he doesn't feel the need to get a shower when he comes home. A few weeks ago I went to cuddle him in bed and he absolutely stunk. I told him so and moved away disgusted, his excuse was that he'd run out of deoderant THREE DAYS AGO!! and he'd not thought to get a shower in those three days either. He says I'm OTT but am I really?? I just think it's so gross. Last night he got changed out of his work clothes, had a shower (under protest) and put on some clean boxers. This morning he took the same pair of boxers off the bedroom floor and put them on again for work! his excuse was "I only wore them for a couple of hours last night"

So who's in the wrong then, me or him??

OP posts:

madonnawhore · 27/01/2011 12:11

Gross. YANBU. Personal hygeine is about respecting yourself as well as the people you share space with.

I bet people talk about him behind his back at work. The thought of someone who hasn't showered for 3 days working in a supermarket is .

manicbmc · 27/01/2011 12:11

My ex could go for literally months without a proper wash. His argument was that the body is self-cleaning! And he wondered why I chose to sleep in the spare room and left him (though many other reasons for that too).

However people have different standards.
If he is smelly direct him to the shower. It's all you can do. I gave up.

ragged · 27/01/2011 12:11

There are people who will say you're the one being minging for showering at night and not in the morning.

Anyway, short cut, I suggest that you cut a deal with him. He takes a daily shower and in return you will do one daily thing that he'd like you to do but you think is an unnecessary nuisance.

Else you can enjoy spawning a long thread of people spouting off their opinions about what is and isn't acceptable levels of personal cleanliness, but if your DH won't listen to your request why should he listen to a bunch of strangers on the Internet?

KnittedBreast · 27/01/2011 12:15

i dont think its gross that he dousnt showever every single day. but if he is in a manual job then he should do at least every other day.

id with hold sex .

hel soon sort himself out.

alos if he works in a supermarket, how has he gone without deodorant?

coco2901 · 27/01/2011 12:17

I think it's a bit minging that you both get up and go to work in the morning without a shower... surely you sweat a bit in your sleep?

However, YANBU, 3 days with no shower and no deoderant is totally disgusting. I feel sorry for you and his colleagues. He works in a supermarket fgs, its not like he never had the opportunity to buy some.

Yuck!

Nefret · 27/01/2011 12:20

I would find it a bit gross too, especially if he isn't using deodrant and is getting smelly!

My husband is the opposite, he is in the shower twice every day, 3 times in the summer if it's hot.

MyMamaToldMe · 27/01/2011 12:21

He just sounds too lazy to shower. I agree with the witholding ideas... he'll soon realise no shower = no sex, cuddles, etc.

FabbyChic · 27/01/2011 12:25

I don't think it is minging to shower at night then get up and go out in the morning.

Different people have different bathing habits, what is different for one is not wrong, it is simply just different.

I believe that people should bath/shower every day. Some do at night some in the morning.

You are still clean.

I do believe that those having active sex lives should bath once before and once after at least.

justcarrots29 · 27/01/2011 12:27

OMG! Disgusting. Tell him he SMELLS and should be having a shower before and after work. Repulsive - I cannot understand why he thinks that he doesn't smell and if you tell him that people probably talk about him at work maybe it will be enough for him to think a bit more.

I confess this is the only thread so far that I have been shocked at...well this one and the one about a woman calling her child slithery but that was a joke I hope.

manicbmc · 27/01/2011 12:30

Before and after sex! I'd have no time for the sex. Between 4 and 6 baths a day?

samay · 27/01/2011 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 27/01/2011 12:38

YANBU

onehotmomma · 27/01/2011 12:51

This has made me feel sick lol I wouldn't be able to have sex with him sorry. It must really pong and I wouldn't want it anywhere near me lol

Asteria · 27/01/2011 12:51

Ah men! YANBU at all - musky in a clean way is good - outright stench is bad!
My aunt always knows she is in for a bit of romancing if her DH showers and brushes his teeth before bed - he is a beardy farmer and doesn't generally bother...
Just listening to classic FM and the score from Dances With Wolves is on - they must have really stank! Does anyone else find themselves wondering how people used to get it on without throwing up from the smell [vomitey emoticon](we really need one please MN!!)

FabbyChic · 27/01/2011 12:51

God he must be all cheesy.

Asteria · 27/01/2011 12:54

As an aside - my DS has v sensitive skin and my GP recommended his not bathing every day unless necessary (mudsliding/sharting etc) to avoid having to cover his skin in chemicals creams to get rid of the excema. The second he hits puberty I am going to insist though!

mackereltaitai · 27/01/2011 12:59

Well, I'd be on your dh's side, but you're the one he's married to. He should care that you love him clean but want to keep him at arm's length when dirty.

I would suggest serious carrot (as in carrot and stick) - i.e. every time he has a shower before bed, slather him in 'affection'.

minibmw2010 · 27/01/2011 13:12

On a flippant note, how can someone who works in a supermarket run out of deodorant and not buy more ?? I just don't see any excuse for someone not taking a shower, whether in the morning or evening, literally you could be talking 2 or 3 minutes and you're done. My DH loves his showers, he's in there for at least 15 minutes or so, I'm in and out in less but I'm absolutely clean.

tiredmomma · 27/01/2011 13:13

I was just about to post the very same topic codsworth . Absolutely imo he is in the wrong.
My own dh at present has not had a shower in two weeks.. and no horizontal rumba in the same amount of time, I will not have sex with a man who has no respect for me himself or our dc. I have a really bad sense of smell (a blessing in this case I suppose) but I am very sure other people can and do smell him. This is really starting to affect our relationship and how I view him :( .

I am at a loss myself as to what to do, having asked dh till I am blue in the face to wash himself. In my heart I know that this can not go on.

onehotmomma · 27/01/2011 13:16

Is it that he can't be bother tiredmomma? I think it's bad and if DH suddenly were to stop washing then I wouldn't be able to go near him either tbh

Gleeb · 27/01/2011 13:16

Same thing with my Ex. Absolutely refused to have sex with him until he washed - so so gross.

Onetoomanycornettos · 27/01/2011 13:23

I have now decided to appreciate my husband a whole lot more after reading this. Two weeks without a shower or bath, tiredmomma? Is he depressed? Seriously, I can't think of another reason for such a lack of self-care.

Some men are more smelly than others. My husband doens't like wearing chemical deoderants (only aftershaves) so he has a shower every day and even an extra one at night if he's had a hard day. He changes his t-chirt twice a day for the same reason. In fairness, he does smell if not, perhaps your men aren't as 'scented'?!

And in terms of sexy smell, I find starting the day fresh, then him running around creates just the right ambience for later.

I am all for not washing the children too much if they don't smell and aren't dirty, but these adult sweaty hormonal men DO smell and I pity their work colleagues as well as their spouses.

Put your foot down, seriously.

Onetoomanycornettos · 27/01/2011 13:25

And, as for what happened in the past, yes, people smelt. I even remember it from the 70's, people just had greasy hair (no, it wasn't self-cleaning) and some had BO, and the ones who really smelt were picked on more than the ones who didn't.

For men, I also thought there was a risk of infection if they didn't clean regularly in their, ahem, private areas.

cantspel · 27/01/2011 13:26

nasty ...... smelly knob cheesey men are not attractive

Heroine · 27/01/2011 13:29

You could

shave him all over - then buff him with wet wipes when he's asleep....

put a compulsory back from the mines shower unit in your hallway....

fire him.

Not washing every now and again.. maybe.. forgetting deodorant if showering regularly.. OK, both together (as people often say

It is going to affect how you see him, and how his employers see him Even under fire men in the army wash, so he can get his lazy ass in...

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