To find it really gross when DP doesn't shower?

[codsworth]

Personally I get a shower every night, I wouldn't feel clean going to bed without a shower. DP on the other hand doesn't seem to care. When I first met him he only used to shower once or twice a week. He began showering every other night but I think only for my benefit. Now he's going back to his old ways and if I don't mention it, he'll happily go two or three days without a shower. He has a physical job, works in a supermarket all day and is kept active all day (not sat at check-outs) so I really think its gross that he doesn't feel the need to get a shower when he comes home. A few weeks ago I went to cuddle him in bed and he absolutely stunk. I told him so and moved away disgusted, his excuse was that he'd run out of deoderant THREE DAYS AGO!! and he'd not thought to get a shower in those three days either. He says I'm OTT but am I really?? I just think it's so gross. Last night he got changed out of his work clothes, had a shower (under protest) and put on some clean boxers. This morning he took the same pair of boxers off the bedroom floor and put them on again for work! his excuse was "I only wore them for a couple of hours last night"

So who's in the wrong then, me or him??

I do believe that those having active sex lives should bath once before and once after at least.

what do you mean at least? should you be doing it during as well lol :o

as an aside I think the vomity icon command should be this: [thatfuckinggivesmetheboak]

Yep onehotmomma thats about the size of it - he just cant be bothered, its not a recent thing with my dh.
He has always been very lax in his personal hygiene. I would always be happy enough if he showered before sex or before we had a night out but I just find its not enough anymore.
It really is a lack of respect in my mind. We have a young teen and I have to beat encourage him in to the shower every night! The apple does not fall far from the tree.

lack of personal hygeine is often a sign of underlying depression, not plain laziness. if someone does not value themselves or feel valued, one of the first tings to go is personal hygeine.

Have you tried telling him you are worried about him, rather than just "you stink"

I have to admit to not showering every day if I'm not going out etc (never longer than every other day) but he sounds minging! Give him an ultimatum!

I suggest a car-wash/power hose set up outside the house - possibly with a garden incinerator to burn his clothing too. Don't get too serious and "I am worried about your self-esteem" with him - he will just start rolling in badger shit like a dog...

But seriously, I wouldn't try to analyse the reasons behind it too much with him - men generally (in my sparse experience) run miles to avoid the girly deep and meaningful delve into the emotional workings of their minds. If he genuinely cannot be arsed then just run him a bath/switch on the shower and usher him in. Serious lack of personal hygiene might indicate depression, but a couple of days is just lazy.

This thread is just grim! I seriously did not realise there are this many men out there who do not shower etc for as long as two weeks ??! Vile

Me and DH generally one shower a day in the morning but sometimes more if needed. Plus deodorant and perfume/after shave.

I am astounded. If my DH ever stops showering its out with the recycling on a Tuesday for him..

Do you think it'd help if you got him some nice shower/bath stuff? I know blokes aren't really into that kind of thing but it might make him look forward to it a bit more?

Poor you btw.

Gross - how do these soap dodgers manage to get in a relationship in the first place?

How does he manage not to buy deodorant when he works in a supermarket?

OP you have my sympathy

Well, looking at it from my point of view since I am similar... I just hate getting wet. hate it. And dislike getting in and out of clothes more than once a day. And I dislike turning the heating on, so associate baths and showers with getting cold.

How about buying a pack of washcloths (IkEA used to do a pack of 10 for some ridiculous amount) and suggesting he at least washes the key elements at the basin?

Yeah, I would second giving him some washcloths and making him have a wipe down using them if nothing else (not that it's any quicker than a shower).

But I would say not everyone can shower every day. I am really suffering with dry skin at the moment and our shower is buggered up. So I'm using the bath as often as I can but if I use it every day my skin gets very sore (even with emollient), so I am currently bathing every other day and washing the er 'key elements' with a washcloth the rest of the time. Sigh. It's a total pain as I love quick showers and long soaks, but have no option to do the first and really shouldn't do too much of the second.

2 weeks

I don't understand how can they be 'lazy' to shower. I see it as a pleasure, not a chore. I'm not lazy to eat cake or to drink wine so i'm not lazy to have a nice shower.

Is any psychological explanation

And no one batted an eyelid when I said my ex hadn't showered in months. I wasn't kidding - seriously. He was absolutely minging.

. YANBU.

I read an alarming statistic a few months ago that stated that 12% of the UK population do not wash everyday.

Does the lack of self-care indicate a deeper issue such as depression?

Gross! I won't shag DH until he's had a shower.

Why would people choose to be smelly? Just don't get it. Even day to day activity causes sweat to be produced and dead skin cells to be shed, not to mention other secretions [boak]

manicbmc no wonder he is ex!
I'm sure you had .... a fresh start and a fresh life after you got rid of him.

Fresh as a daisy and a lot younger

Urgh GROSS! Smelly people literally Make my eyes stream when I'm near one.

I don't understand how people can't give up 30 mins a day for being clean.

Yuckyuckyuck
bleurgh

Time was when people took a bath once a week, whether they needed it or not. And yet they managed to survive being near each other.

Neither are woman who go to bed clean but wake up caked in dried sweat.

A shower before bed? Seriously?

DH is the opposite, I can't get him out of the bloody bathroom. But I couldn't go out of the house for the day without showering so I think evening only showering is not nice either.

samay I really feel for your husband. Sounds like you hate him.

I think when clean people could only bath once a week, ie, tin bath in kitchen, like the DH's parents, they used to strip wash, sometimes in the freezing cold, every day.

I think the OP's husband is a dirty so and so and needs to mend his ways.

I tend to shower and change when I get home from work and have a rinse under the arms in the morning before putting on anti-perspirant and that seems to do me fine. The DS showers in the morning, the DD at night and DH has a daily bath - it's his relaxing time - 20 minutes every morning to set him up for the day.

If you ran him a bubble bath in the evening, would he get in it? I know you shouldn't have to, but desperate times...

I would be mortified if DH thought I was a stinker - surely you want your partner to think of you as fragrant and lovely? What's going on that he doesn't care?

My husband has the personal hygiene care of a caveman at times. He does a VERY stinky manual job and often when he's most busy comes home late at night and is "too tired" to wash. He also hasn't been to the dentist since he was a child. His teeth are horrible but I could never tell him this because he'd just sulk with me. Not go to the dentist, just sulk, like a child.

I've fallen out with him since yesterday because he was being an utter arse to me. Can you tell??