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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want cosmetic surgery on my genitals?

78 replies

NooniEnvy · 26/01/2011 13:19

I have name-changed for this.

Since I was a child I have been very embarrassed by my genitals. My inner labia hang down quite a lot, and the area where my clitoris is kind of sticks out rather than being hidden by the top of the outer labia. It has always bothered me, especially when I was about 22 and a guy I was seeing said "you're not like other girls down there".

I have been looking into cosmetic surgery options and I think that I could have two procedures that will make my genitals far more attractive looking. I would like my inner labia reduced and my outer labia and mon pubis (never knew it was called that!) augmented so that it is a bit plumper and not look so odd. Hopefully that will also encase my clitoris so that it doesn't stick out.

The thing is, everyone I have mentioned it to is absolutely horrified. They all think I'm insane. But it really bothers me. I can't pinpoint exactly when I knew I was a bit 'different' and I never saw any porn when I was growing up, so I didn't have anything to compare myself to, other than other girls at school, I suppose. I really want everyone to be happy for me, but they're just not. It is an expensive operation (about 12k) and I'd have to go abroad. I know that if I do this I would never, ever be able to moan about having no money as everyone would say, "well, you had that operation...". Also, I worry that people who I have told will lose respect for me. I wish I hadn't told anybody, but I have.

I so wish it didn't bother me and I could just grow up and accept it, but I feel so ugly. It really affects my relationships as I cannot enjoy sex as I am preoccupied with this.

Any thoughts? Does anybody else out there feel like me? Thank you.

OP posts:

woollyideas · 26/01/2011 19:26

I blame the fashion for Brazilians. A good old fashioned muff covered all kinds of er diversity.

trumpton · 26/01/2011 19:32

I have had vulval surgery for a cancerous growth. May I just say..... "OWEEE! " I was on an epidural for 3 days for pain control and had to have gas and air for pain relief to have stitches and packing removed. Please do not underestimate the pain involved.

I was offered plastic surgery for reconstruction but turned it down.

I can remember sobbing on DH that I could never ever have an affair now !! He said that he didn't know I was considering having one !. I wasn't and now accept that my new lopsided shape is part of who I am.

barteringlines · 26/01/2011 19:36

Haha solo I've been known to have a discreet tuck as well!
Am I the only one looking at that Embarassing Bodies page like you would look at a mag at the hairdressers - 'hmm that one wouldn't suit me'...'that ones nice' etc!

solo · 26/01/2011 19:39

Hehe barter, me too! oooh! that's a bit like me...oooh! a piercing!

solo · 26/01/2011 19:39

Just to add. I do not have anything other than my earlobes pierced.

germum · 26/01/2011 19:41

I think you need to see a psycho sexual counseller. Some are trained doctors so you would get an objective opinion as well as the counselling.

ItsGraceAgain · 26/01/2011 20:55

The jeans thing sounds a bit odd, though. You don't have to wear them incredibly tight (men manage to tuck all their tackle into jeans, remember). And if you do wear them incredibly tight - no matter how tiny your flanges - they dig into you, causing camel toe and discomfort! So you'd be having surgery in order to wear jeans that outline your genitalia ... which you could do now, if you wanted

barteringlines · 27/01/2011 10:29

I agree. It's definitely a no no to wear jeans so tight that people have a detailed view of the exact shape of your fanny - even if it's nice and neat!

0Lucylabia · 27/01/2011 11:09

If you go to www.showyourc**t.org, you'll see a vast array of differing fanjo's - don't do this at work, or in front of DC!

sadiesadiemarriedlady · 27/01/2011 11:17

You are normal. That guy was an idiot.

nikki1978 · 27/01/2011 11:27

I really would have some counselling first. Some men are twats and say horrible things. Happens to all of us in one way, shape or form!

My labia also protude and hang about half an inch or so down. My clitoris is also outside the larger labia. I quite like having 'fleshy' bits. I have had lesbian experiences and so have seen many others up close and personal. Saw lots of innies and I prefer mine! It seems softer and nicer to touch (no offence to innies, each to their own and all that).

My DH loves it and wouldn't have it any other way. He would be horrified if I wanted surgery. I would be very worried about something going wrong tbh. Losing sensitively in the clit would be a big thing for your sexuality.

Have some counselling and find yourself a good man. Cheaper and less risky :)

mackereltaitai · 27/01/2011 11:40

My sister had a 'boyfriend' when she was in her late 20s or so, who suggested she consider a breast reduction.

I suppose it's possible that she had been moaning about her large breasts, what a drag they were etc, and he was being solution-focused. But really, what an ARSE. An awful lot of men go through agonies about the size of their dicks as well, my dh won't consider skinnydipping in case someone sees his resting equipment (he's a grower not a shower), it's all so sad.

I should think it quite likely that your 'partner' was a virgin OP, and had only seen porn before, or that he was of very limited experience anyway. He may even have meant to be complimentary in a cackhanded way.

I may be projecting, but it really does sound as if your dislike of your own body, and all your worries about the 'punishment' that your friends would give you if you had the surgery, are very similar. You are worth more than this. Please do consider talking to a counsellor in RL. Of course, if you consider afterwards that you really do still want surgery, that is entirely your choice, but I really hope that you decide against.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 27/01/2011 11:54

I have seen so many fanjo's I can't count (I was a gynae nurse to clarify). There is no normal in the vulval world and the man who said what he did, was a cunt.
FWIW it does sound as if it is affecting your life to some extent - discomfort wearing jeans being one.
IIWY, i would go and talk to my GP and ask for a referral to a sexual health counsellor. Then, if that doesn't help, have a consultation with a plastics and reconstructive surgeon. Do not go abroad if you can help it.

fluffygal · 27/01/2011 12:03

When OH and I were dating he said my lips looked like a ball sac (they're not that bad! Just looked at that link and they're about average, OH hasn't had much action). I was so upset, I nearly broke up with him. Looked into surgery and everything. God knows why I married him after that comment,lol. Although since having our 3 month old daughter he never gets to see it anyway so who's laughing now!

If it really bothers you, get it done. I am not a great advocater of cosmetic surgery but I can understand why it would bother you as it did me.

barteringlines · 27/01/2011 13:13

fluffygal has your DH ever considered that his ball sac might look like a fanny?

fluffygal · 27/01/2011 14:00

Barter- pa ha ha!!! I might comment on it to him!

VoluptuaGoodshag · 27/01/2011 14:03

Mine are massive. Have often wondered the same but then I've decided just to live with them. We do come in all shapes and sizes and because that area is covered up we just never get a chance to compare them. If it helps my friend says her flaps are massive too since having kids.

tyler80 · 27/01/2011 14:28

Labia and the scrotum start from the same origin in the womb so it's not unreasonable that there is some similarity

dementedma · 27/01/2011 15:22

on Joy of Teen Sex last night there was a bloke taking plaster casts of fanjos - what a job - and some of the casts amazed me. i had no idea they could look like that. Looks like there's a pretty wide variety out there.

Honeybee79 · 27/01/2011 15:27

All fannies look at bit odd and all look different (not that I have spent my time gazing at loads of 'em).

I'm not a huge believer in cosmetic surgery but if it's making you unhappy, you can afford to get it done and there isn't a huge risk of complications then you should just go for it.

Cannot believe some bloke commented on it. What a wanker - it's not like all cocks look standard either.

TallulahdoesthehulainHawaii · 27/01/2011 16:30

Sorry, I'm not clear as to whether you have had children or not?

My labia did change a lot (for the worse) from before having children until after DC3. I think you would have to take any natural changes into consideration.

FetchezLaVache · 27/01/2011 16:38

YANBU. One of my labia hung down loads and I always hated it, I have thought about having surgery and would have done so if I could have afforded it. However, since giving birth to DS it has reverted to being an innie- I'm not sure how on earth that happened!!

TallulahdoesthehulainHawaii · 27/01/2011 16:41

Bonus

FetchezLaVache · 27/01/2011 17:11

Indeed- one very unexpected yet most welcome side effect of childbirth!

MommyMayhem · 27/01/2011 17:55

This reply has been deleted

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