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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want cosmetic surgery on my genitals?

78 replies

NooniEnvy · 26/01/2011 13:19

I have name-changed for this.

Since I was a child I have been very embarrassed by my genitals. My inner labia hang down quite a lot, and the area where my clitoris is kind of sticks out rather than being hidden by the top of the outer labia. It has always bothered me, especially when I was about 22 and a guy I was seeing said "you're not like other girls down there".

I have been looking into cosmetic surgery options and I think that I could have two procedures that will make my genitals far more attractive looking. I would like my inner labia reduced and my outer labia and mon pubis (never knew it was called that!) augmented so that it is a bit plumper and not look so odd. Hopefully that will also encase my clitoris so that it doesn't stick out.

The thing is, everyone I have mentioned it to is absolutely horrified. They all think I'm insane. But it really bothers me. I can't pinpoint exactly when I knew I was a bit 'different' and I never saw any porn when I was growing up, so I didn't have anything to compare myself to, other than other girls at school, I suppose. I really want everyone to be happy for me, but they're just not. It is an expensive operation (about 12k) and I'd have to go abroad. I know that if I do this I would never, ever be able to moan about having no money as everyone would say, "well, you had that operation...". Also, I worry that people who I have told will lose respect for me. I wish I hadn't told anybody, but I have.

I so wish it didn't bother me and I could just grow up and accept it, but I feel so ugly. It really affects my relationships as I cannot enjoy sex as I am preoccupied with this.

Any thoughts? Does anybody else out there feel like me? Thank you.

OP posts:
MollysChambers · 26/01/2011 14:38

Oh yes BalloonSlayer that's the one.

pjmama · 26/01/2011 14:45

Blimey! We really do come in all shapes and sizes! I had no idea, you never really see anybody else's do you?

ItsGraceAgain · 26/01/2011 14:45

Is it because of what that idiot said to you? I find it very sad to think of you disliking a part of your body that's so good to you! Tbh, I wish mine were a bit more porn-star tidy but wouldn't have them surgically altered. I think this is because - unlike eye-bags, say - your genitals are only on view to people who are very intimate with you. If they can't take your physical idiosyncracies on board, they're not likely to make a great partner for life or for sex!

Before pictures of female genitalia were so widely published (great link, Butterbur, thank you) I had no idea of their many shapes and forms. Neither did I know how many men LOVE exaggerated female bits :)

frgr · 26/01/2011 14:57

but mine are exactly how the OP has described hers Shock is there something i should be ashamed of? my DH has never mentioned any problems with it, and i'm thinking the bloke you spoke of meeting in your 20s just hadn't seen very many women's bodies so intimately. so - mine are like yours - but i'm definitely not going to go running off for elective surgery!

have it if you think it will make you feel happier, or more comfortable (jeans are a nightmare!) etc but

let's make this clear: yours aren't "not normal". at all. i would hate for someone to go through the trauma of surgery when they believe such nonsense.

CockneySparra · 26/01/2011 15:03

I think you should save your money and spend it on counselling instead. Honestly. Maybe a good therapist can help you see that the real problem here is that you were unlucky enough to date a complete DICKHEAD who gave you some sort of very warped idea of what you are 'supposed' to look likedown there.

Look, no two fannies look the same! They are genitals - not neat and pretty, but fleshy and hairy and womanly. The labia does hang down and can be stretchy and saggy in some people. Clitoris's can be the size of a pea or the size of a grape. Vulvas can be pale pink or blood red or deepest purple.

There is no normal about it, and the people who carry out these surgical procedures ought to be ashamed of themselves. It is barbarism.

BuzzLightBeer · 26/01/2011 15:44

I think you'd be better off spending some of the money on therapy to be honest.

And is a bit different from a nose job, unless everyone you see everyday sees your genitals.

BitOfFun · 26/01/2011 15:47

There's an artist who cast lots of different women's vulvas...I'm trying to remember who so I can link.

BitOfFun · 26/01/2011 15:48

There you go

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 26/01/2011 15:51

I would say go for it- but triple check you want to go abroad, be absolutley stringent about checking their aftercare service (if somethig goes wrong, you don't want to have to fly out of the country to get it fixed)

I haven't got a porn star muff but I've not been unfortunate enough to have been critised about it and my dh is very complimentary etc so I can definitly understand the fear of meeting new partners etc

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 26/01/2011 15:53

Btw- you do sound pretty normal down there to me

walkinZombie · 26/01/2011 15:56

If you A) feel it would improve your life

B) have researched

C) have the money

go for it

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 26/01/2011 15:59

What Butterbur said. Now, if a gynae nurse took one look and cried "good grief!" then there might be something in the "not like other women" thing. But I wouldn't take the opinion of some insensitive little prick who'd probably seen no more than a handful of fanjos in his entire life seriously. At All.

There are women who have extraordinarily large labia that cause them physical discomfort. Others whose fannies have been utterly ravaged by botched episiotomies. I could utterly understand them wanting work done - it would make sense. But yours is for purely cosmetic reasons based on the opinion of an arse.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 26/01/2011 16:01

fwiw your fanny sounds a lot like mine. And I have never been criticised for it. Quite the opposite, in fact (and I have been very free with my favours in the past - my fanjo has been widely viewed.).

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 26/01/2011 16:02

I shan't be posting a picture on my profile though so you'll have to take my word for it Grin

KerryMumbles · 26/01/2011 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 26/01/2011 16:23

Oh good grief - yours sounds perfectly normal , we are all different down there. Have a good look at that link, a REALLY good look and try and put your mind at rest. If it still really bothers you then see a counsellor, don't have bits hacked off you because some man made an ill thought out comment.

And for the record - google post op infections and see what you might end up with - my son had to be circumcised for medical reasons and got a post op infection - it was horrendeous and he was ill and couldn't leave to house for a month, and we had 2 emergency dashes to A and E. The pain was unbearable. Why would you put yourself through something so risky if you don't need to?

KerryMumbles · 26/01/2011 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notevenamousie · 26/01/2011 16:29

You can have this done in the UK.
You have to have psychosexual counselling first which I personally think is a GOOD thing.
Talk to a sensitive gynaecologist or plastic surgeon, talk a lot to the counsellor, and if after all of that you still want it done (most don't) then it sounds like a sensible plan.

PinkCanary · 26/01/2011 16:43

My best friend had this done at a very reputable UK clinic. I never saw the before or after but she was certain that it was essential to her life, and having split with her long term partner was worried that men wouldn't find her attractive enough 'down there'. I never understood myself, but supported her regardless.

She wasn't happy with the result and ended up having to go back repeated times for corrective procedures. I think it ended up that she didn't have to pay for any of the work at all.

DuplicitousBitch · 26/01/2011 16:46

have you had kids? if not, you might want to wait incase hey undo all the good work.

UrsulaBuffay · 26/01/2011 16:55

They are all odd aren't they? Most look like a badly packed doner kebab.

ItsGraceAgain · 26/01/2011 17:10

my fanjo has been widely viewed - Grin @ JMHPG!
Nobody's ever complained about my - er, frilliness, either.

Fascinating sculpture, BOF! Don't fancy the thought of waiting for the plaster to set ...

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 26/01/2011 17:11

just spat coffee at "badly packed doner kebab" nice one! Grin

Original poster
NooniEnvy · 26/01/2011 19:16

It's not just an aesthetic problem, I would love to be able to wear trousers (jeans especially) but I just end up sore. It was really hard growing up not being able to tell people that I couldn't wear jeans when everyone else was. Especially as I thought I was the only one in the world with this problem.

OP posts:
solo · 26/01/2011 19:19

Ahem I sometimes tuck mine up a bit if they are rubbing a bit Blush