I told DH I'm not his mum.

[oopslateagain]

Sorry this is long and moany

He's going away to work tomorrow for 3 days. Over the weekend I said he'd better let the bank know so there's no problems with his debit card (online banking so he just has to log on and click). He didn't. He'll be driving for 10 hours in Europe; tonight he said he would take food with him so he didn't have to stop. I don't have anything other than Dairylea triangles and Froobs, so I suggested he pop to the local supermarket (literally 2 minutes walk) as they've got a brilliant little 'lunch' fridge with sandwiches, wraps, fruit etc.

He just said he can't be bothered, he'll 'find something'.

He's sitting watching telly now, I asked if he was packed - I did all the laundry today and put all his clean stuff out on the bed so he could pick what he wanted. He said he'll do it in the morning.

He's leaving the house at 6.30am.

I asked if he had all his paperwork etc - he said he 'knows where it is'.

Bloody hell!!!

I know he's going to wake me up at oh-fuck-early panicking because he can't find something.

This isn't unusual; if something needs doing he tends to leave it and leave it and I usually end up doing it. Except for things that I CAN'T do, like make him go to the doctor to get the blood test he needs before they'll give him any more of his tablets, the ones that he ran out of in APRIL.

I just told him that I'm not his mum and it's up to him to get his stuff sorted, and not to wake me up in the morning panicking because he can't find something.

And now he's all huffy. And I'm going to be ever-so-nice and go and apologise, cos I can't let him go away while there's bad feelings.

But AIBU to make a stand and STOP picking up the slack when he doesn't do stuff? It will make life really awkward for a while, I just know it will.

OMFG.....you married MY DHs TWIN!!!!!

Last minute Larry's ARE a 1st class PITA to live with, when you are organised & like to prepare in advance......we've had many a doozy over similar situations to what you describe above...the only difference being, I refuse point blank to become a nag & act like his Mother, though I've had more than my fair share of stress too over his behaviour

After a particularly bad session..... Workmen arriving at 7 to start laying new ground floor flooring, & after several reminders that it might be a mistake to leave it until the last minute, as we had no idea what was under the middle of the carpet, so could be more work than bargained for, & I couldn't help him....he still hadn't even started lifting the carpets by 10pm the night before............I went to bed & left him too it, with the intention of disappearing in the Morning & letting him face the embarrassment of facing the workmen himself

He ended up, staying up ALL night & dooing his back in, as I was right turned out there was also floor tiles to lift in the middle of the floor.....so in the end HE paid for it, the only way I was paying, was by the stress I allowed it to cause me......

I also realised that as disorganised & LML as he always is, he DOES always get things done, & has never let us or anyone down yet......& no-one dies in the process either.....so at the end of the day, I couldn't change him, I just needed to stop letting it bother me......it doesn't any more, I can usually be quite relaxed about it & laugh now

It really WOULD do you good to do the same...from experience I know :)

Oh, & taking the P' out of them & calling them Last minute Larry to their face, whilst laughing your socks of at how cr@p they are being helps too

oh god it is so nice to know that this doesn't just happen in our house. I am trying very hard to step back - the dirty dishes i was confronted with when i came home the other night were still there in the morning becuase i refused to jump in them and do them (it was hard though)
have stopped doing all his ironing but I don't think he's actually noticed yet.
I asked him to do ONE fecking thing today - post the letters, one recorded delivery and urgent. Has he posted them?? answers on a postcard please.

The OP isn't about dishes, or towels or other everyday stuff. It's about getting her OH off for a business trip.

Can't people see the difference?

Since when was it in the marriage vows to provide a picnic? I suppose it should be tied in a checked hankie too.

fruitstick, the shopping should have been planned in advance.

If the OP cooks every day for children & OH I don't see why making a packed lunch is any different.

If the household chores aren't split fairly over all, then that's another issue.

He just rang me, he's about 3 hours away from where he's planning to stay.

Apparently he hasn't booked a room as he doesn't think he'll have trouble getting one.

Am I very very evil to be half hoping they say No?

Totem, if you're saying (I think you are) that I should have done him a packed lunch for the trip, well I would have, if he'd asked me. Absolutely no problem.

I assumed he'd stop on the road and get something, which is what we've always done when we've travelled abroad as a family - a chance to try the local food.

He told me at 7:45pm that he planned to take food with him. The supermarket closes at 8. That's why I didn't 'plan in advance'. And I only had enough ham for one lunch, was going out today to shop.

The OP isn't about dishes, or towels or other everyday stuff. It's about getting her OH off for a business trip

Sounded more like the joys of living with a Last minute Larry to me

"Getting her OH off for a trip"

Like sending a little boy off to Cub Camp?

FFS, if he is big enough and clever enough to have a job that requires business trips then it isnt unreasonable to expect him to be big enough and clever enough to get himself ready for said trip.

Its that attitude that creates "Son Husbands"

Bogey, I agree - I sniggered when I read the implication by some posters that she had to send him off in some way

It's not that far away that shite someone posted on here before Christmas aimed at working mums going away on business trips, talking about how freezing meals for them, writing post it notes around the house, etc was worthy advice

The question I want to know is, if theirs is a genuinely equal relationship (not neccesarily in terms of literal chores but in terms of attitude)... would the OP get the same treatment if she were to go away? Would the DH fanny around helping her organise her bits and pieces, as he seems to expect her to do?

We're not talking about a 12 year old boy on a school trip, we're talking about a man, a father and a husband - what kind of message does it give to little ones to see this sort of crap being perceived as normal at home?

"getting him off for a business trip'

My DP goes away on business sometimes - he lets me know where he's going, when he's leaving and when to expect him home. It had really not occurred to either of us that any further involvement was required from me. If he wanted a packed lunch he'd buy the stuff (or ask me to pick things up if I was going to supermarket anyway) and make it himself, if he needed clean clothes he'd wash them. It's not my responsibility to think of or do these things for him.

Same if I'm going away to a conference or something, I sort out what I need myself (though I am a bit of a last-minute packer!). I thought this was what most people did?

if you're saying (I think you are) that I should have done him a packed lunch for the trip, well I would have, if he'd asked me. Absolutely no problem. + the rest of your post but I won't quote it all.

That's different then, he shouldn't have taken the only food that was there. I always take some packed lunch for a journey. I assumed others do the same.

How often does he go away & what other things does he have problems with or cause a problem for you?

I sort out what I need myself (though I am a bit of a last-minute packer!). I thought this was what most people did?

Can you find everything you need during your last minute packing?

I still think you should be able to locate your passport within a minute. It should have a 'home' and be put back there as soon as you return from abroad.

If I only had enough packed lunch food in the house for the kids for school the next day I would forbid my husband from taking it. I don't see food shopping as my responsibility. If my husband wants a packed lunch and doesn't usually I would expect him to discuss this in advance and discuss 1 of us buying stuff. I wouldn't let him nick the kids' stuff. If he hadn't got himself organised enough to buy stuff he could stop en route.
I would have told him the ham and bagels were for the kids.
We usually have bread or something for breakfast though, so it's rare not to have stuff to make a sandwich

My DP had some elements like the OP's DH but I've managed to smooth most of them away over the last few years. His XW was a bit of a Stepford and did everything for him from cooking every meal to doing his washing to remembering all his family's birthdays and sending cards etc. When DP and I got together I made it clear that none of the above were in our relationship agreement. There were a few that initially slipped through but since our DD was born he has shouldered equal responsibilities and actually often more than his fair share as I'm pg and not up to much at the moment. I managed this by shouting at him a lot and refusing to do things for him.

If my DP had taken our DD's lunch as the OP's did I would consider that a yellow card offence and mark it down in the "reasons to leave him" column.

Good luck OP - re-training him is for his own good.

mine is the exact same - as far as I can see there are two ways of dealing with it:

1. You ignore everything and leave him to sink or swim.
2. You simply organise everything in advance and presume that he will be useless.

Number 2 is helped by the fact that my DH has a very efficient PA who also works on the basis of number 2 - in fact, we've occasionally doubled up on Christmas/birthday presents bought for him for various family members as a result!

If Number 2 doesn't work, I simply sort my stuff out and sail on by refusing to get involved in it.

I'm relieving this thread due to my DH being a tit.

He's lost his tax disc. It arrived a few weeks ago. He left it on the kitchen work surface. It's now not there.

Obviously it's my fault, obviously it's not his fault because he hasn't seen it since it arrived.

He is always doing this. He is selling the car on eBay this week as he can't afford to insure it. He is yelling that if it isn't found he won't sell his car and it will cost us thousands. I asked if he wanted me to help. He said 'Of course you should help, you fucking list it'

.

Lost it.

Bloody hell Fruitstick, he's being out of order. Did he find it? I hope you didn't help him look. Perhaps if men didn't just leave things randomly everywhere they'd be able to find things more easily.

He hasn't found it but has apologised for shouting at me and accusing me of losing it.

I didn't help him look but did go online and discover he could get a replacement for £7

I didn't know that fruitstick! Useful info.

At least he apologised.

My DH is coming home today; he rang yesterday to let me know what time he'll be leaving; apparently he has to come through London (at rush hour on a Friday ) because he took EXACTLY £1.50 for the Dartford crossing. He forgot he'd need another £1.50 for the RETURN crossing!

Knowing his luck, it'll be the only Friday afternoon in history that there hasn't been a horrible traffic jam all through London in rush hour.

Why doesn't he stop and get some cash?

He must be the only bloke around who doesn't take his wallet when he goes on a business trip.

Because he is bloody stubborn and once in the car won't stop for ANYTHING short of DD throwing up or me threatening him with dire bodily harm if he doesn't stop at the next loo

Faced with either stopping and driving into a town he doesn't know to find a cashpoint, or detouring through London in rush hour, he'll take the detour.

No, it doesn't make sense to me either

rebecca he took his wallet but he'd changed his money to Euros and didn't take any £s.

He could stop at cashpoint though as he has his cards in his wallet but is choosing not to. Not sure why he is moaning about this to you. He'll have to take a trip to get some cash when he gets home anyway, don't see why he doesn't just stop en route.
His choice I suppose.

"The laziest people make the most work."

As my mother used to say.

Along with

"Fail to plan, plan to fail."

(Just saying. )