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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my 6 year old on an overnight school trip?

103 replies

WimpleOfTheBallet · 25/01/2011 19:58

Or am I being too protective? She's starting a new school in a couple of weeks and the head told me that they have a one night overnight trip in April...year 2....is this really really young for that kind of thing?

DD will only have been going to the school for a couple of months but I read that it takes 6 weeks for them to settle...so she MIGHT be ok...but even then....Hmm

He told me that if a child's parentsdont want them to go overnight then they can go for the day activities....its not far away.

I just dont' see the point of it? He said they have overnights ever year and by the time they are ten they go to france....

This is a state school..is this usual so young...and more to the point do I send her?

OP posts:
Deliaskis · 27/01/2011 11:50

Well I take Brownies away for 2 nights or more at age 7. And Rainbows do overnights from 5-6.

It obviously just very much depends on the child, and so it should. Some are fine with it, some are not ready. I wouldn't ever want to force a child to do this, but it's also not really fair to prevent a child from going who really wants to, if it is just your concerns (rather than the child's) that is preventing them going.

FWIW, with some of our very young/new Brownies, they sign up to come, but on the agreement that they come for the day on Saturday, bring their bag, and then decide at teatime if they want to stay or get picked up to go home. None have ever wanted to go home, they're all too busy having a good time by then and don't want to miss out!

D

Niecie · 27/01/2011 11:59

Ours go from Yr 4 and that is young enough - some children don't cope well with it even at that age. The teachers are very upbeat and think it all goes swimmingly but I know children who have had weeks of upset both before and after one of these trips which the teachers know nothing about - the children put on a brave face. Go with your own instincts and what your child wants. Don't do it just because the teachers think its great.

6 is too young imo though and I don't really see the point.

Ragwort · 27/01/2011 12:07

Sorry if I have missed this bit but what does your DD want to do? Does she want to go on the trip?

Personally, I think it sounds fabulous and my DS would have loved to do something like that at age 6.

I am often amazed about how over-protective some parents are - I always ask myself how would my DS cope if I dropped dead? (or to be slightly less extreme - if I was rushed into hospital). I want my DS to be confident and independent and that means encouraging children to do lots of things on their own.

Nefret · 27/01/2011 12:15

I wouldn let my 6 year old go but that is because she doesn't sleep well and gets afraid at night, she would also get upset at being away as she has never been apart form me at night apart from when I was in hospital having dd2 and then she was with daddy.

I also remember going on a camp at 6 and I hated it!

You know your child and whether she would be happy or not.

Sirzy · 27/01/2011 12:21

I think it depends on the child very much. But I have taken a group including some 6 year olds away for 2 nights before and other than a bit of homesickness from a few of them (never bad enough to go home although the option is always there!) never had a problem.

I think it is actually good for them, they have a ball away from home and develop a bit of independence but still with lots of trusted adults around to help them with anything they need help with.

I would only consider if if it was what she wanted though and explain to her that your only x distance away and can go to pick her up if any problems etc etc.

risingstar · 27/01/2011 12:21

i think that in your situation i would say a provisional yes to the school. I would then, nearer the time discuss with dd, and if she wants to ( i will bet that her new best friend will be going to stay) i would let her as long as the school/ teacher PROMISES to call you to collect if she is upset or homesick.

If they have been doing it for years, i assume it works well for most.

supersewer · 27/01/2011 13:02

my 6 yr old beaver has stayed overnight with the scouts , they all had an absolute ball, she can't wait until next time.

WestYorkshirePudding · 27/01/2011 13:11

My DS is in Yr 2 and as going away on a school sleepover for one night in June. He's one of the youngest in the class so I did wonder for about two seconds if he's be ok but the trip sounds so fantastic that I know he'll be fine. They pack so much in that I don't think the kids will have the chance to be homesick.

This is new to our school, they usually go away in Yrs 4, 5, 6 but we have a new Head and he wants to spread the trips and cost over 5 years. We had a meeting at school where he went through the whole trip and it really reassured some parents - toilet worries, fussy kids, bedtimes were all discussed.

I'm sure she'll have a fab time and if the worst comes to the worst, you can always go and get her although I'm sure there'll be no need :)

LadyTremaine · 27/01/2011 14:25

supersweet you have a 6 year old beaver?

JamieLeeCurtis · 27/01/2011 14:27

My 6 year old DS2 wanted to go overnight - I thought he might get homesick at bedtime, but he didn't

JamieLeeCurtis · 27/01/2011 14:28

Beaver is such an unfortunate name isn't it .....

Bonsoir · 27/01/2011 14:29

OP - in my DD's school there used to be a 12 night school trip for the whole year (125 children), in two groups, in the spring of Y3 equivalent.

Obviously, in order to take children away for 12 nights, the children needed to be used to staying away from their parents for at least a week beforehand.

iwanttolearn · 27/01/2011 14:40

It depends on the child really. If she's up for it, let her.

I know some boarding schools that take children as young as 5 and they really love it.

iwanttolearn · 27/01/2011 14:44

I can't stand calling them the beavers... Why can't they be the rabbits or something??

new2cm · 27/01/2011 14:51

I had a similar experience. I phoned the "responsible adult" every 4 hours up to 10pm! Grin

Dd had a great time!

I later found out that I was not the only parent who was concerned and who phoned several times to check everything was OK. I don't believe the "responsible adult" will volunteer to do the trip next year.

You are being reasonable. And so what if you are being overprotective? Which IMO you are not.

I allowed my 6 year old daughter to attend because I knew the adults well enough, and I had all their contact details, and the where, what, how, when of the trip - IYSWIM - so I was reluctant but OK with the idea eventually.

Stricnine · 27/01/2011 15:00

Another Brownie leader here - we take them away from age 6 and up no problems - depends on the child and parent a bit but it's a great experience for them!

Definately worth doing... they love the freedom and independance and just knowing they can cope without mum or dad all the time is really good for them.

And to the comment about - that's what grannies are for.. all very well if you have GPs to take them, not all families do, so organised overnights are a great opportunity!

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 27/01/2011 15:57

Ragwort....good for you that yours are ntural confident away from you...mine is not. And she's only 6....

To those who wdered what DD thinks....well she doesn't know yet..she's only starting the school after half term so not oonly would this be her first ever sleepover ANYWHERE but it would be at a school she had only been at for 2 months...my op stated that.

I think if this came up now and at her current school neithr she nor I would worry...I wont tell her until she begin the school.

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 27/01/2011 16:09

Yes, I agree you shouldn't mention it until she's started

TheCowardlyLion · 27/01/2011 16:12

DS went on a PGL holiday with his school in April of Yr. 2. They were away for two nights and he was so excited. He would have been mortified if we had not let him go. Some of his classmates didn't go, though.

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 27/01/2011 16:17

There are mitigating circumstances here CowarlyLion

OP posts:
TheCowardlyLion · 27/01/2011 16:25

Not sure what you mean by mitigating circumstances?

I was just trying to say that some children love it, some don't - at DS's school, not everyone went (that was in case you were worried that she would be the only one not staying overnight), and that 6 is not necessarily too young.

But clearly I was just meant to say that YANBU.

undercovamutha · 27/01/2011 16:27

It does seem a bit young. I think I would let my DD (currently 4yo) go at age 6 as she is fairly confident and outgoing. She has also had a a few sleepovers at GPs (100 miles away!).

However I totally understand that some kids and parents would find it worrying.

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 27/01/2011 16:34

Lion...my DD will only have been at the school for 7 weeks...she won't know anyone well yet.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/01/2011 17:08

It may well provide the perfect chance for her to get to know people though.

I think you need to start thinking of it as a positive thing (not easy I know!) so if she wants to go then you feel more comfy with it.

Wait until she has been at the school a few weeks, talk to her about it and take it from there.

JamieLeeCurtis · 27/01/2011 17:28

Yes, forgive me (I don't want a poke too ... or do it? Hmm), you do seem to be talking yourself out of it. I think the fact it's a new school is hugely significant, but play it by ear

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