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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be slightly irked at my pg mate...

72 replies

purplepidjin · 25/01/2011 11:42

My mate is unexpectedly pregnant. She is keeping the baby, but has always said she is happy to be an auntie but didn't want to be a Mum. She's 3 months gone.

I have been crocheting booties etc - as much because I enjoy it as anything else - and, because I fancied sewing something the other day, made her a maternity top.

She is a bit offish about it, and suggested I ebay the top as she will make do with stretchy tshirts and leggings.

I'm planning on riding through it, because I think she is struggling to come to terms with the pregnancy. She knows and appreciates that I am here to support her through whatever happens.

AIBU to be privately a bit annoyed that she's not a bit more grateful??

OP posts:

Memoo · 25/01/2011 11:44

Maybe she just doesn't like the stuff you have made.

GloriaSmut · 25/01/2011 11:45

Maybe it is far too early to be forcing a pregnant identity on her?

minibmw2010 · 25/01/2011 11:45

Did she ask you to make it for her? No? Then I don't see why she has to be grateful because you feel she should be. OK, it wouldn't have killed her to say thanks, but what's the point if she's just going to put it in the back of the wardrobe?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 25/01/2011 11:46

I think yABU, sorry. I wouldn't have like someone to just make me a top.
Why should she be grateful?

clevercloggs · 25/01/2011 11:47

i would suggest stop interfering and wait for her to come to terms with the unexpected pregnancy

BellBookandCandle · 25/01/2011 11:50

If I was her I would have said and put it at the back of my wardrobe. 12 weeks is still quite early she won't be showing yet and maybe the top wasn't her style/colour.

However, am wondering if there is more to this than meets the eye?

BlueFergie · 25/01/2011 11:52

Well I think it is just basic manners to thank someone if they have gone to an effort for you or are trying to help. She probably is just overwhelmed and taking it one day at a time at the minute so thinking about maternity clothes and her body changing is freaking her out.
I don't think YABU to be a little miffed at her rudeness, but do keep it private and try and understand that she is going through a tough time.

MrSpoc · 25/01/2011 11:54

come on she is about to be a mum and your trying to turn her into a granny.

orangepoo · 25/01/2011 11:55

I think you can be slightly irked, but not very.

Difficult - I would not have wanted someone to make me a maternity top when I was pregnant either time. I would not have been pleased to be presented with one, however, I would probably have accepted it and said thanks. I think she is just being a bit blunter telling you to eBay it. Either that or she is a very rude person.

Clothing for yourself and for babies is a personal choice. I kept mine in sleepsuits and wouldn't have wanted any booties.

I am only being blunt as we are on the internet!

Anyway 3 months is not that far in and if she is quite well, she might not even feel pregnant and may have trouble actually really believing there is a baby inside her. Lots of people when pg have that sort of feeling anyway.

Probably just stay out of it for the moment.

MustAvBeenAGypsieInPastLives · 25/01/2011 11:57

she's only 12 weeks! ease off with the moo moos and booties, the poor woman!

pascoe28 · 25/01/2011 11:57

"forcing a pregnant identity on her"

What's that when it's at home, exactly?

The OP isn't forcing anything on anyone...least of all pregnancy!

I'd guess she's just being a bit precious and will come round. Don't take it to heart and support her through this.

SallyVate · 25/01/2011 12:00

Is she quite young?

BitOfFun · 25/01/2011 12:01

I'm in the market for a poncho if you don't mind though?

GloriaSmut · 25/01/2011 12:02

If the OP's friend has any ambivalence about this pregnancy then she'll want to come to terms with her pregnant state and come to terms with it in her own time.

Something that's not likely to be assisted by being hastened into maternity clothes that she's not asked for or given any indication she wants right now. So that's what "forcing a pregnant identity on her" is when "it's at home, exactly".

Clothilde · 25/01/2011 12:03

If someone had done that for me, I'd probably have thanked them BUT even with a planned and wanted pregnancy, I'd only have thanked out of politeness and not out of gratitude. She's only 3 months pregnant, she's probably scared and worried and needs to find her own way. Mothercare vouchers might be welcome, but a home-made maternity top and booties strike me as a bit odd.

MustAvBeenAGypsieInPastLives · 25/01/2011 12:06

what has her age got to do with it?

for those who say its rude, the woman is only 12 weeks and already the OP has made booties and a maternity top - surely better to say NOW that actually that is not my thing so that the OP doesn't keep making stuff that gets shoved in the back of the wardrobe with a shudder.

If it was just the odd thing, at maybe 6mths plus maybe, then I'd smile and say thank you etc, but this is too much too soon so I would worry that the trend would continue and maybe even got worse!.

I never wore maternity tops FWIW, and I did want kids before getting pregnant and was not young.

SallyVate · 25/01/2011 12:08

er, because if she's young she is more likely to not want to wear a homemade maternity top.

MustAvBeenAGypsieInPastLives · 25/01/2011 12:11

err okay
can't say that the likelyhood of me wearing such an item has increased with age though

SallyVate · 25/01/2011 12:12

That's why I said more likely in bold. Like that.

MustAvBeenAGypsieInPastLives · 25/01/2011 12:18

I saw that but still disagreed with you! that is allowed! doesn't mean I missed your point

I do not think that people who get preg post (what? where is the threshold?) 30? 35? say "right, there's the blue line, bring on the frump!"

think the OP acted inappropriately regardless of the friend's age or whether the pregnancy was planned or not etc.

LunaticFringe · 25/01/2011 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

purplepidjin · 25/01/2011 12:34

I told her about the top by text, she hasn't seen it. I told the truth, which is that I'd fancied a bit of sewing and had some nice leftover material from another project so had made a top. It's a plain dark blue tank style. She had already said that crocheted booties, mittens etc would be welcomed. She is making a blanket, so I am steering well clear or that!

It is currently our main topic of conversation, plus troubles she has had at work due to the pg, so I'm trying to be supportive but am possibly misjudging things. Thank you for the opinions, I'm not a mum and she is the first of our close friends to get pg so it's a bit of a learning curve for everyone.

OP posts:

PlanetLizard · 25/01/2011 12:36

YANBU. If you receive a present you smile and say thank you, and you certainly don't reject the present.

LunaticFringe · 25/01/2011 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MommyMayhem · 25/01/2011 12:38

Oh, I would be quite hurt at that, tbh. She could at least pretend to be grateful. She hasn't even seen it yet, it might be really lovely.

We are doing IVF at the moment and are hoping to fall pregnant soon. You could send it to me, if you like

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