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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be slightly irked at my pg mate...

72 replies

purplepidjin · 25/01/2011 11:42

My mate is unexpectedly pregnant. She is keeping the baby, but has always said she is happy to be an auntie but didn't want to be a Mum. She's 3 months gone.

I have been crocheting booties etc - as much because I enjoy it as anything else - and, because I fancied sewing something the other day, made her a maternity top.

She is a bit offish about it, and suggested I ebay the top as she will make do with stretchy tshirts and leggings.

I'm planning on riding through it, because I think she is struggling to come to terms with the pregnancy. She knows and appreciates that I am here to support her through whatever happens.

AIBU to be privately a bit annoyed that she's not a bit more grateful??

OP posts:

Loobyloo1902 · 26/01/2011 09:20

I'd second a lot of the above, my mum lovingly put together a box of clothes for my baby when I was about 3 months pregnant and I freaked out. Thankfully she had patience and now I'm terribly grateful.

Being pregnant was a surprise for me and although I didn't realise it, I needed time to come to terms with the huge changes that are happening.

I apologised to her (or at least I think I did...) and she's been wonderful since. Be patient and she'll get there x

Original poster

purplepidjin · 26/01/2011 09:30

Leroy, PM me, I'm happy to share

Trillian we do also talk about other things, including what's going on in my life, the news, friends etc. She's wonderful, not a "Preghead" at all

OP posts:

chipmonkey · 27/01/2011 22:53

I think until ds1 was actually born, I didn't really realise that I was having a live baby. It was all rather theoretical. The reality was a bit of a shock.

LoopyLoopsPoopaScoop · 27/01/2011 23:30

I don't want this to upset you OP, and you do sound like a really caring and lovely friend but...

I have a friend who is really overbearing. She wants to 'help' me all the time, and I find it very suffocating, especially ass I am a very practical person who needs very little help. Do you think that maybe offering her your own clothes, making maternity clothes and baby things is just a little too much too soon?

Having said that, I think she was very ungrateful and should have been more respectful of your feelings. I would certainly try and act pleased even if I were bothered.

Sadly my knitter died late last year, so this baby won't have all the lovely cardies etc. that DD did. I simply cannot understand people who don't like home made clothes for their children. It totally flummoxes me. What could be a nicer thing to keep than your very first teeny tiny hat or cardigan, knitted by Auntie X?

In future, I would say that booties and other gifts for babies are best given after the baby has been born. A maternity top is a very personal thing, and although I would be very grateful, maybe she is concerned that she might not like it, and worries about your wasted effort? So, again, in future I think it might be best to ask before making bespoke items, unless you were to present it to her wrapped up and put her on the spot a little (therefore she would surely be more grateful?)

begonyabampot · 27/01/2011 23:46

we got quite a few jumper/cardies/hats etc from old ladies I'd never even met but knew the GPs. It was lovely of them but not my cup of tea. Some were wierd shapes (think they went over on the arms) and the wool could be quite stretchy. Like your friend I'd rather dress them in stretchy babygrows and little jersey trousers and tops. I didn't really like people buying clothes for the babies - jeans FFS, or loads of buttons etc - they were only about a month old.

begonyabampot · 27/01/2011 23:49

saying that, I wouldn't be rude - I would act grateful and just pass on anything I didn't want to charity. Maybe she doesn't want you wasting your time.

Original poster

purplepidjin · 28/01/2011 22:12

Loopy thanks for the input. She mentioned not being able to afford new stuff, so I probably went a bit OTT assuming it would help (she does know this about me lol) If you would like some bits and bobs, I have some early stuff I was trying to do for prem babies but didn't get the tension quite tight enough. They're not a funny shape, just far too big for tiny prem heads and feet iyswim. I'll gladly send them your way now I've figured out the tension an amount of stitches needed! I also trimmed them in yellow or green, which I've since found out are the worst colours possible for prem babies as they're likely to be jaundiced...

begonya she's of the same opinion as you - babygrows and soft woolies for at least the first six months I can't wait - I have another, not as close, friend who is pg and I just know it'll be baby jeans and designer labels... In fact, I've made her a pair of baby sized Uggs, with a waistcoat and hat in the same colours. The hat has bear ears and a little face...

Ok, I'm completely OTT about this and must at least keep it private!!

OP posts:

pigletmania · 28/01/2011 22:16

YANBU at all, ok she did not ask for them, she is still struggling to come to terms with it, but there is no need to be rude. She should accept it in good grace, and one day when she is say 7-8 months gone and the stretchy t shirts are just not doing it, she will be grateful for that maternity top you made her. Just because you made it from your own bat, does not give her the right to be rude.

LoopyLoopsPoopaScoop · 28/01/2011 23:59

Purple that's very kind of you, but you have so many requests on here already, I feel like it would be taking the piss to take them from you. If you absolutely don't need them nor does anyone else want them, I would be delighted, but please don't feel pressured. :)
By the way, DD was 8 weeks prem and jaundiced, but my favourite colour is yellow and she wore it a lot, didn't even think at the time, but looking back... you are probably right!

Original poster

purplepidjin · 29/01/2011 09:42

I'm serious, Loopy, and nobody so far has taken their requests further into actually getting in touch! I'm a carer and work is very quiet at the moment, so I'm getting a lot done during the day. Send me your address, they're already made and need a good home. You can repay me by passing them or something else on to the next person who needs it

OP posts:

Pfaffingabout · 29/01/2011 13:47

It might be that she just doesn't like the idea of home made clothes - some people are funny like that! All clothes are made by someone's hands after all, either in a factory or at home. (Can you tell that I sew and have had some mixed reactions??)

Original poster

purplepidjin · 29/01/2011 15:28

I can tell from your name

OP posts:

CockneySparra · 29/01/2011 15:29

Sounds like the top was minging. Sorry.

Original poster

purplepidjin · 29/01/2011 16:35

Cockney, you obviously haven't read the thread:

She hasn't seen it to judge it, has been told by text

There is a picture of it on my profile.

OP posts:

hairyfairylights · 29/01/2011 16:37

Yabu ... I think the top was a bit ott.

lazarusb · 29/01/2011 16:46

When I was pg with dc3 my friend gave me some of her maternity clothes (I hadn't asked for). I thought that was ok but it included HUGE knickers and an outfit which she told me her husband had found her very sexy in. I never wore it. I never mentioned it, just returned it to her when I'd had the baby.
I think your friend should have done the same but I also think you should have asked her first. Give her time to get used to being pg.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 29/01/2011 17:11

Tbh you do sound a bit obsessional, perhaps your friend was trying to nip this in the bud before you get going, and as you've done so much already and shes only in the first stages, chances are you'd be taking sack fulls round by the birth!

Ive looked at the top, it looks like youd wear it a the very end of pregnancy, honestly, no first timer wants to think about how MASSIVE they might get.

Really think you could do with backing off, you do sound supportive, but perhaps a bit 'in yer face' iykwim.

Sorry

Original poster

purplepidjin · 29/01/2011 18:14

Lol, lazarusb undies, either recycled or bought, are way out of my comfort zone for anyone other than myself!

OP posts:

VerintheWhite · 29/01/2011 18:26

YANBU, my mother baught be a size 24 (I was a 14) nylon nightie with matching dressing gown, both covered in lace and, as a final insult they were lavender. I smiled and said thank you. What else could I do? She then said it was for hospital so I looked nice after the birth and for my stay (I ended up leaving five hours after giving birth), and that her mother had done the same for her. It was sweet, and kind and full of love, as well as ill fitting, horrendous, itchy and hot. She never knew tho :o

CockneySparra · 29/01/2011 18:34

Maybe she has seen other stuff you've made and knows you make minging stuff?

A homemade pregnancy top? Not unless you are Dolce Gabbanna's little sister!

CockneySparra · 29/01/2011 18:34

Dolce or Gabbanna, obv

Original poster

purplepidjin · 29/01/2011 22:54

How do you know I'm not

(I'm not )

OP posts:

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