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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling more and more like shit every day.

71 replies

AmazingBouncingFerret · 24/01/2011 21:38

Im going though the motions. Im shit. Im a freaky deformed person that cant do normal things. I try to put on a happy face and laugh and joke about myself but im getting nearer to fucking operation day and I cant hold it together much longer.

I'll be going through 10 hours of pain and God knows how many weeks of recovery just to be no different.

I have scoliosis. It's progressive. They are going to fuse it to stop it getting worse. they cant repair it though because of how my spinal cord has twisted.

I should be 5' 6" and im 5' 2" But I have the legs, these stupid ridiculously long legs and tiny little body. Like one of those childrens match-it puzzles with the wrong pieces in it.

I'm just a freak, I dont know why I bother. there's no point to me.

OP posts:
clevercloggs · 24/01/2011 21:41

:(

bubblewrapped · 24/01/2011 21:43

I am sure there is a lot of point to you!! :)

Please dont be so hard on yourself.

The op will stop it getting worse, which is surely the better option.

FabbyChic · 24/01/2011 21:43

Am sorry you are feeling so down right now.

I wish there was words of comfort I could give you to make you feel better, but I have no knowledge of your illness or suffering.

I hope the operation goes well, and you find something to smile about.

Take care.

Sossiges · 24/01/2011 21:44

In the tradition of Mumsnet, that's bollocks, you're a lovely person and there's a point to everybody. We don't all have to be purely decorative, y'know. (Good thing too, 'cos I'm not)...

Sossiges · 24/01/2011 21:45

Deffo not shit either.

porcamiseria · 24/01/2011 21:45

i dont know what to say! sorry and I am sure that many many people want you around

chin up and good luck with the op

eddiemccready · 24/01/2011 21:47

That is a very sad post. I'm so sorry You're having such a hard time. But you are not shit and not a freak. You are as valuable a human being as anyone. No one deserves to be feeling this bad. Do you have family support, or have you spoken to a health professional About how you are feeling. Talk to someone please.

Spero · 24/01/2011 21:47

Sorry. That is shit. Do you have anyone to talk to? Anyone at the hospital? Anyone who has been through the same thing?

Sossiges · 24/01/2011 21:47

Have a BIG HUG

CarGirl · 24/01/2011 21:49
Sad
ClaireDeLoon · 24/01/2011 21:49

I'm sorry you're going through this, but there is a point to you, that is - being you. People love you for being you, your family, your friends. Don't forget that. Maybe it is time to stop putting on that happy face, saying how you feel and letting those that love you give you the emotional support you need.

I hope the operation goes well.

stripeywoollenhat · 24/01/2011 21:49

i've seen you on here before and have detected no whiff of shit whatsoever.

sorry about your op, i hope it's easier than you're expecting it to be.

proffers Wine

outnumbered2to1 · 24/01/2011 21:49

aw bugger Ferret i really wish i had some words of wisdom for you but other than the traditional Scottish "Here You get a grip on yer arse and think about the positives" i can only offer ye a great big hug....

baskingseals · 24/01/2011 21:50

i'm not surprised you're finding it hard to keep things together

what a shit situation

thinking of you

onceamai · 24/01/2011 21:50

That's a very sad post but how old are you OP? I thought scoliosis was something that was dealt with in teens and early 20's. Is anybody looking after you and encouraging you.

A friend of mine had this op when she was about 18 and afterwards she was much straighter and the pain was much better. She was also one of the loveliest and prettiest people I have ever met.

Good luck OP. Post back and tell us a bit more about yourself.

LoopyLoopsHasComeBackBrighter · 24/01/2011 21:53

Pretty sure there is a lot of point to you, you're one of the funniest posters on the internet!

I'm so sorry you're feeling so crap and that you're having to go through this, but please remember that you're a good person and have a lot to offer. It's not all about having a perfect body.

:) Take care lovely. :)

pointythings · 24/01/2011 21:54

OP, I really hope the operation makes your life easier and less painful. You are not a freak, you are a valuable human being and anyone who can't see past the outside isn't worth your time.

One of the loveliest people I ever worked with (a clinical psychologist) had scoliosis, no-one cared how she looked, just about the difference she made to people with dementia and their carers.

Come back and let us all know how you get on.

Original poster
AmazingBouncingFerret · 24/01/2011 21:56

Thank you for all the messages.

Im 27, once. I was offered a correction operation when I was 14/15 but turned it down because my curve wasnt as severe and I was told it wouldnt get any worse. My parents also didnt want me going through with it as they felt it wasnt needed. (from advice from surgeon)

I cant have a traditional correction now due to MRI's showing that I have a split spinal cord and also a dodgy twist in it. As well as the curve in my actual spine itself.

I'm having ribs shortened and removed to give a slightly more normal appearence. But I might suffer with breathing difficulties afterwards.

The pain is hell. Im hoping it will make that better at least.

OP posts:
sb6699 · 24/01/2011 21:57

We come in all shapes and sizes and it matters not a jot and none of us are "freaks".

Do you have anyone at the hospital you could talk to about how you are feeling?

baskingseals · 24/01/2011 22:00

you are an amazing bouncing ferret woman

that's what you are

kayah · 24/01/2011 22:01

you are very nice and generous person - I have seen your comments to posters on many threads - so consider yoursel very valuable member of Mumsnet, 'cos this is true :)

I hope you have things organsed for your kids around that time, 'cos I bet that is worrying you too.

I hope all goes well and according to plan and you will be soon posting us about your progress.

FabbyChic · 24/01/2011 22:01

I hope you are getting the support you so richly deserve. It must be a very nerve racking time for you.

guessGoodEnough · 24/01/2011 22:04

Oh Ferret.
I recognise those feelings. Is so difficult to disagree with them but please try. There are bits of you that are fabulous, you're just not giving them equal weight. And that's not fair.
And no wonder. You are up against it just now.
Take care of yourself (as you would a friend feeling the same way about herself)

onceamai · 24/01/2011 22:04

I'm sorry you didn't get it sorted earlier but so hope that you will be in much less pain afterwards. I do know two things. Doctors often paint the very worst picture before surgery and it often isn't as bad as you might expect and secondly that being in pain is awful just awful.

You are having a shit time at the moment but YOU are not shit and neither are you a freak. I'm sad that you are feeling low and scared and possibly a bit lonely and really hope you have lots of support in RL.

TheOriginalNutcracker · 24/01/2011 22:05

ABF you are not a freak at all, please don't think of yourself like that.

My dd1 is 13 and also has scoliosis. We don't yet know yet how bad or not it is, but we will on Monday as she has her first appointment with a consultant.

I would hate to think that my dd thought that she was a freak, just because she looks a bit different.

Anyway, who wants to look like everyone else Wink