'me time' product of the noughties and daft?

[LadyTremaine]

Ok so a comment from DSDs mother prompted me to think about this. Did our parents ever get this 'me time'? When did this concept come about?

And why do people feel they are so darn entitled to soooo much of it?

Ok, I appreciate that as much as I hate the phrase, it is a good description of what we all need in some shape or form every now and again to keep ourselves sane...

But it seems to have got out of hand and all I every here from parents (mainly mums although I don't know how relevent that is? It seems to be a more female phrase) is about how they are exhausted and need more 'me time' despite the fact that it seems to me they have a lot more than generations past.

Am I being unreasonable to think the whole concept has sent people dolally and resentful of the fact that they have to complete standard parental tasks?

Yes.

Val - exhausted lone mother of two.

I think the difference is that the bulk of our parents' time was 'me time' and us children fit around them. Now there is a fashion to structure life entirely around the children and for parents to take second-place, it's understandable when parents feel the need to take time out.

I'm with chil

I think people just used to get on with life instead of thinking so much about every little thing and making it all part of some Great Life Plan. Did what needed to be done and just lived. Now we 'parent' instead of having kids and we have 'me' time instead of just getting a babysitter and going out.

I'm also with Chil.

Totally agree with Chil - as I recall, parents did their own thing and the kids were fed and watered.

Is it not more about a lot of parents now not seeing 'family time' as 'me time' but as something tiring that must be done in order to acheive an entitlement of 'me time' to get over it all?

Val, bless you. I was a lone parent until DP moved in so I know how exhausting it is. I don't mean that we don't all need a little break every know and again of course. It was more the phenomenon of how much a lot of people I speak to seem to think they need in comparrison to how this was seen, say, 20 years ago.

Maybe I'm just old

Crossed posts with hectate, yes that's probably what it is.

I don't know.
Maybe it's just the terms used and the talking more about it?

My dad always used to take my brother and I out for a long walk/visit to GP's on a Sunday and DM stayed at home.

Bet you're no older than me. :)

Besides. my DDs are tteenagers and so I should be used to the demands on my time after all this long as a lone parent. Personally I feel it because DD2 is "challenging" and DD1 is lazy!

Despite that... or maybe because of it... my life doesn't fit around my childrens' as much as I can manage but still there is much I can't do because I have to be there for the girls.

41 (challenges val!)

I was agreein eith you LT until I read Chil's post. If I compare my day with my mum's.

MM (My Mum)
All her friends were SAHM as well, they saw each other every day taking turn to visit each other for a cofee while we were in school or playing together with friends children.

Me
Was SAHM until recently starting part time work. All my friends were working at the very leas part time and I never saw anyone (unless begging then to come) the highlight of my social life being the school run and house work.

MM
Was sending us to school and appart from the first day where she walked with us to show us the way .

Me
I walk two hours a day to and bak from school with the Dcs.

MM
I we wanted to do ballet or anything else we would make our own way there (was walking 2 miles with a friend from 6yo to go to ballet lessons and when ballet lessons moved futher i was going on a bus)

Me
I have to ferry them walking or by bus and wait for them a lot.

MM
sent us to play outside with friends pretty much all the time, we were in only if really raining, cold not an issue with warm clothes

Me
Children expect to be entertained all the time by me instead of playing with each other or friends (probably my fault though)

MM
Cooked every meal from scratch

Me
cook every meal from scratch

I had a fantastic childhood , with much much fun and freedom and lots of love from my parents too, but the things our parents got away with our generation definitely does not. If we are not constantly behind our Dcs or doing something with tem we are more often than not judged as bad parents.

I'm off for a nice hot bath now while dp takes kids out

(jokes)

Beat ya!

46

Hmmm interesting I have some friends who want "me time".

"me time" for me is when my ds is in bed, and I get to do the ironing or watch The Hustle, or read a book.

I knew I'd be sacrificing my "me time" when I was pregnant and I made the decision to continue the pregnancy. I can't complain, as it was my decision.

Could be worse, I could be palming my ds off onto any member of my family who'll have him, like some people I know (SIL).

Don't be silly. Me time is nothing new, its called life. In fact its only recently we needed a name for it because the expectation arose that we should martyr ourselves on the altar of motherhood every minute of every day.

Never before have we expected so much of ourselves and each other, which is evident in the OP. The subtext being how dare you want to still be a person instead of a mother all the time. How dare you be selfish enough to think of yourself occasionally

I don't think it's new, the term "me time" might be. Quantity wise it isn't always comparable.

When we were growing up, 30 years ago, my mum, pretty much the traditional earth mother certainly devoted time to her own interests and used creches/nursery for us a few hours a week so she could get some space.

I get more hours away from the children (as I work part time) but less time all to myself, as DH works such that evenings are screwed up.

My mum and dad had ' me time' not that they called it that but it has resulted in them being very loved up for 40 years+, me having a fantastic relationship with my grandparents and wider family.

It has also made me grow up very family orientated eg. see the importance of extended family, am lucky to be part of a tight knit family group, lots of close relationships with them etc. I think its a good thing.

YABU. We all need some time away and to ourselves. DS goes to a creche for 3 hours a week even though I am a SAHM so he can get out and socialise, be ok with not being with me 24 hours a day and I can sit in peace and quiet and chill for a bit. I find I am a much better mum when I have relaxed and just had that bit of time, than when I am constantly being bombarded with questions, can I play this and that etc etc.

Today there is far more pressure on mums anyway. Most have to work, look after the children and run the homes. Years ago the dad was expected to earn the money, the mums didn't need to. Now we don't have that option as most people can't afford to live like that (I am an exception as I have a long term illness and can't work which is the only reason I am a SAHM, otherwise I would have to work too).

Me timn= didn't dads get a lot more of this due to being the main earners so there was an entitlement to 'me time' most nights in the pub, weekends playing/watching footie or golf. I think as the shift in mothers to work became the norm women started to demand that too, and not just 'me time' to do the weekly shop wothout kids but 'me time' to get hair/nails done, have lunch with friends, nights out etc.

I do think this is a positive thing and obviously fairer but I do see a lot of tit for tat and couples clocking up time and therefore spending a lot of time apart e.g. girls night out- blokes might out on alternate weeks. In my own personal experience this lead to the breakdown of marriage as ex DH really expected a lot of 'me time' hobbies all weekend, nights out, festivals etc so now we co parent and have lots of the me time we craved, its a shame it went that way though.....It can be a positive in the stress of modern life but it can have an impact on the family in the traditional sense of the word!

what val said.

and I'm willing to bet whatever is in my purse (not very much at the minute) that the reason you hear women saying it is because these women are the main care provider for their children.

Hmm maybe, and sparklyglitterybow makes a good point about the 'tit for tat' that goes on.

The woman in my OP who made me question this is the mother of my DSD who works 2 half days a week and has 1 dd of 12 yrs old who spend 4 nights a week with us (dp and myself)

The subtext was not 'how dare mothers want to be people in their own right' as and when time comes about that I can do things that are for myself I approach it with relish. If I didn't get that, maybe I would want it. I'm more talking about the quantity that people want 'these days' and I suppose the ill effect it can have on family life.

MAybe its the women who are run ragged who coined the phrase 'me time' and then everyone else liked the sound of it and jumped on the band wagon. Thus it has got out of hand with parents demanding it to be constructed in to their every day lives.

I remember my mum going to yoga and putting my Dsis in the creche. I also remember her going to lectures in the evening and also swimming (I went with once I was 16, it was womans only swimming) and I remember my parents going out in the evening and us having babysitters. We also got left with my grandparents whilst my parents went on holiday without us.
TBH I think my parents had more me time than we do.

I think that the only new thing is that it is now called 'me time'. Women of all generations had their own interests. Rather than feel guilty they should see it as a good thing and much better for the DCs to have a mother with outside interests.

makes me laugh when i read on facebook and similar about "mothers" who never have a moment to themselves, yet seem to spend every waking minute updating us on how they are feeling, what they are doing, that they cant stop their kids from fighting

get off the bloody internet then you lazy moo