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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to NOT decorate dd's room until she learns to keep it tidy??

81 replies

FairhairedandFrustrated · 22/01/2011 13:07

DD is 9.

She has a room of her own & it's lovely, she has enough storage units, a large wardrobe and two sets of drawers.. ie: she has no need to pile evrything on top of her desk and to throw dirty washing in a toy box when there is a wash bask oin her room too!

So, the bedroom was last painted when we moved into this house, about 6 years ago - it's pink with pink curtains and fairy theme, she says it's babyish.

Together we chose some lovely covers and curtains, cushions and lamp shades from Next (I think it's English Rose or something with roses on) and I told her if she could prove to me she could keep her room tidy for 3 weeks we would get it painted and the new covers on.

Long story short is I now have the covers since AUGUST and she has not managed to keep her room tidy AT ALL, never mind of the crappy three weeks.

I did a hugh clear out of stuff, leaving only the stuff she plays with and her massive collection of books, but she leaves books everywhere, there are 3 in the bathroom as we speak and another 2 lying on the mat here in the livingroom....

I don't forget what it's like to be 9 - I shared a room with 4 sisters and had to have all my stuff in its place - but DH is a through other so and so, so doesn't show her an example.

Anyway, my sister visited the other day and said she couldnt wait to see dd's room as she had heard she got lovely new covers etc.... dd then told her mummy said she wasn't allowed it done :( and the stuff had to stay in the cupboard :(

I could have throttled her and explained to sister that dd doesn't care enough about her room to have it tidied and I wasn't going to pay to have it decorated and all new stuff in it, to watch it being trashed again.

Sis said I was being a cow and that if I decorated the room, then dd would want to keep it tidy cos it would be pretty...

WWYD? She doesn't have the pressure of putting clothes away or anything, me or dh does that, well, obsiously if she is wearing clothes that are clean I expect them to be hung up, but we put away her clean laundry.

AIBU to not want to decorate it until she can prove she cares enough to keep it tidy?

Am prepared to be told AIBU.

OP posts:

Original poster

FairhairedandFrustrated · 22/01/2011 13:08

please excuse spelling mistakes - should learn to preview

OP posts:

RJRabbit · 22/01/2011 13:10

Sorry, I don't have a 9 year old DD, but could you send her to her room every day after school for 10 minutes of tidying time? I think you need to nag, nag, nag.

Gemsy83 · 22/01/2011 13:10

YANBU I have a daughter the same, messy mare! I have promised her new curtains, fairy lights bunting etc if she can keep her room tidy but not until.

orangepoo · 22/01/2011 13:11

I think I agree with your sister, although I wouldn't call you a cow!

I think you should decorate it and all the covers she chose on and try and take it from there. The battle you are curretly fighting isn't working for whatever reason.

bubblewrapped · 22/01/2011 13:11

I think its a bit harsh at 9 to expect her to be sorting her own dirty washing and keeping her room immaculate.

Decorating would be a good chance to have a clear out and big tidy up. She will probably be more keen to keep her toys tidier if she has a nice new room to do it in.

whingeomatic · 22/01/2011 13:14

same here - 8yo DD1 has a fab bigger room now we've moved with plenty of storage and it is a tip.

DH has just blitzed it again and she's under threat of the tiny box room if she doesn't keep it that way...

So no - YANBU!!

MrsPresley · 22/01/2011 13:15

My DD is 9 too and sounds just like yours!

In fact your op could have been written by me

So now we take 10 minutes every evening where things have to put away, usually before tea, or there's no, tv, laptop or book reading at bedtime.

It took a while, mainly because I would forget to tell her to tidy up, but eventually it became habit and now she does it without asking (most nights)

Best of all she's getting her room decorated next month, so perseverance does pay off, eventually

whingeomatic · 22/01/2011 13:17

Oh - and I don't expect her to clean it, just put her dirty washing in the laundry basket and put things away once she's finished with them (I put her clothes away etc)

Original poster

FairhairedandFrustrated · 22/01/2011 13:19

by 'sorting' her dirty washing I mean she thrown it in one basket - I sort the whites, colours etc!

She does tidy her room, but she tends to tidy as in, piling stuff on a chair and putting the chair in the corner with 4 teddies on it so it looks like the teddies are sitting on a hill!!!

I tell her all the time, it's just a matter of putting away stuff when finished with it - she just doesn't do that at all.

DS is 6 and his room is usually far tidier than hers.

OP posts:

bubblewrapped · 22/01/2011 13:21

She does tidy her room, but she tends to tidy as in, piling stuff on a chair and putting the chair in the corner with 4 teddies on it so it looks like the teddies are sitting on a hill!!!

I think at 9, that is reasonable enough.. sounds better than stuff being all over the floor.

FabbyChic · 22/01/2011 13:22

OMG you have not painted it for six years!

I redecorate every two at the very least.

Six years!

Thats awful.

nannynobnobs · 22/01/2011 13:22

We have the same problem here. Getting 9yo DD1 to keep her half of the shared bedroom tidy is like pulling teeth. I'm sick of it now. Last month I tidied the entire room, moved the beds, put EVERYTHING away, hoovered etc, and it looked brilliant. Fast forward to now and it looks fucking vile. Clean and dirty clothes thrown on the floor RIGHT NEXT TO LAUNDRY BIN. Books on the floor. Toys left on the floor to walk on and get broken. Shoes tossed on the floor RIGHT NEXT TO THE SHOE BOX. Paper and pictures ripped up. Crafty stuff like lolly sticks and pompoms all over the place.
I have told her I am never tidying her stuff up again as she doesn't give a shit when I do. I'm not going to let her have any friends over while it's a dump. I have tried every strategy going; breaking it up into simple tasks, rewards, putting everything in one pile so she can SEE how tidy it is when it's all cleared and how much she has to put away. She does not care!! And it drives me mad. I don't want it immaculate, I'd like to be able to open the curtains without turning my ankle on a pile of crap.
Sorry for the rant!

usualsuspect · 22/01/2011 13:23

I never stress over untidy bedrooms ...so I think YABU

nannynobnobs · 22/01/2011 13:24

WTF, why is it 'awful' to not redecorate every two years?! I can't afford to redecorate every two years nor do I want the monumental hassle.

Gemsy83 · 22/01/2011 13:24

*OMG you have not painted it for six years!

I redecorate every two at the very least.

Six years!

Thats awful.*

Not really sure of the point of that comment?

bubblewrapped · 22/01/2011 13:26

My mums solution to the laundry basket situation was a communal laundry basket in the bathroom. If clothes were not in it, they didnt get washed.

I do the same thing. One laundry basket is much easier to deal with than one in every room.

With regards to bedrooms, craft stuff was done in the kitchen or dining room.. not in the bedroom where spills are left and forgotten or not admitted to.

MrsPresley · 22/01/2011 13:28

Why is awful not to have decorated for 6 years??

It's a child bedroom, I certainly wouldnt be decorating/painting unless it's necessary.

I think my 9 DD was 5 when we last done her room, but now she's moving on from Disney Princess to something a bit more grown up, but not quite teenager style, that will wait for about another 4 years.

Also OP might have another 2/3/4/ bedrooms that need to be done inbetween plus the rest of the house.

If you like to decorate more often then good on you but it's certainly not "awful" that others cant/wont!

Original poster

FairhairedandFrustrated · 22/01/2011 13:30

nannynobnobs - I feel your pain, believe me!

usualsuspect, I stress over her room as she is always wanting friends over, her room is where her toys (books, styling heads, Ipod etc) are so they want to be playing in her room - it's a little stressful wondering if yesterday's dirty knickers are going to greet her friends at the door

And she comes home from friends houses saying how pretty their rooms are, how lovely it is to play in their rooms, but doesn't understand that if she kept on top of her stuff, it would be every bit as lovely :)

She's down there at the minute, lifting stuff from under her bed - the 2 build a bears that my sister (the same one!) bought her which cost a lot of money, have been lying there all week gathering dust.

FabbyChic, good for you - I'm glad you're that organised, and I'm slightly envious :) But I've been too busy educating myself and taking on two jobs in the past 6 years to worry about decorating, but now I'm organised maybe it'll come higher up on my agenda :)

OP posts:

bubblewrapped · 22/01/2011 13:30

My room didnt get decorated from me being 5 till I left home at 20!!.. mainly because from the age of 11 you couldnt see the walls for posters anyway..

usualsuspect · 22/01/2011 13:32

I'm sure her friends don't mind a bit of mess

TheSkiingGardener · 22/01/2011 13:33

You gave your daughter a choice, keep her room tidy and get the reward of having it redecorated, or keep it untidy and don't get it redecorated. I think you need to stick to what you have said but also say to her that you are very dissapointed she has not been able to keep it tidy and that now you set new rules on when and how to tidy.

If you redecorate on the basis that she will then keep it tidy she really isn't going to!

Original poster

FairhairedandFrustrated · 22/01/2011 13:34

But just because decoration isn't high up on my agenda, it doesn't mean that the rooms can't be tidy.

As I say, I came from a huge family, we all did our bit and at any time, anyone could have walked into our house & it was clean and tidy. I just want a little bit of that back now :)

DD has a wooden floor, so spills are dealt with easily, she does crafts in the kitchen at the table, it's really just stuff she has lying about - ie: empty shoe boxes, labels off clothes that she keeps, a bow off a christmas gift box, a pearl hair slide that is moved around the entire house, but never worn on her head

OP posts:

Hatesponge · 22/01/2011 13:36

YANBU.

I agree she needs to keep her room tidy. you say you've had a clear out already so it's not like her toys, books etc exceed the amount of storage she has.

I know a mum with an untidy DD a similar age to yours who redecorated her room...within a week the DD had trodden red lipstick into the new pale pink carpet (borrowed mum's lipstick for play, dropped on floor and forgot about it or lost it under pile of stuff), plus got marker pen on duvet cover etc. Her room is still a tip.

So I agree, get her to be tidy first. Setting aside 10-15 mins every day when she first gets home from school, or before dinner, might help.

As for decorating every 2 years...really?! I can't imagine who has time - or money - to do that!

usualsuspect · 22/01/2011 13:36

Sorry but that doesn't sound messy to me [slob]

seeker · 22/01/2011 13:36

Why do people insist on children's room's being tidy? Shut the door if the mess offends you. It's their room, not yours!

You can, and should, insist on whatever standards you like in the rooms everyone uses, but they should be able to have their bedrooms however they want them.

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