Help! So embarrassed.

[Queenofthekitchen]

I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I'm so embarrassed, so please don't laugh.

My wonderful (strict Catholic) MIL gave me a food processor for Christmas. I was so excited, I love to cook and there are so many recipes I've been longing to try.

I've been making something every other day, practically, it's great. Anyway, 2 evenings ago I was making something and DH walked in and saw me using it. I was telling him how wonderful it was and took the bowl off to scrape my mixture of soup into bowls ready to eat. He took one look at it and came and put his arm round me and asked if I'd try something. Now, before you call troll, he has a thing about kitchen implements. Lets just say I never knew there were so many uses for rolling pins and spatulas before I met him. It doesn't really float my boat but I love him and it's not as bad a fetish as some things so I try and indulge him occasionally.

Anyway, he pointed out to me that the drive shaft on the processor was really strong and he'd love to see me ride it . We have no dc's so have the house to ourselves and he was really keen so I did. It was very powerful! I was buzzing all evening. He loved it, says it was the sexiest thing ever (I had to keep my apron on). It was quite nice, I admit, although a bit too powerful, hence the buzzing.

Anyway, that's all fine but we went round to my PIL for supper last night and I took some of the leftover soup as we ran out the door (didn't really get round to eating much the night before), completely not thinking. I presented it to MIL and was gushing about the processor, when some very vivid memories from the night before popped into my head. My DH, who loves to wind people up said to his mother 'oh yes, the vibrations are very powerful.' I have never gone more red in my life. She made a catbum mouth and didn't say anything, but what if she guessed?! I'm so mortified.

Do you think I should refuse to use it again in that manner? It will disappoint DH dreadfully, but if he's going to crack jokes about it I'm going to be stubborn.

I know this all seems ridiculous, but I just know I'm going to go red every time I see my MIL now, and I've always wanted to make a good impression with her seeing as she's got such strict morals.

I've always thought that the food processor was leering at me .

The OP was amusing in a wtf sense, but some of the replies have had me in stitches!

rolling pins? f@ck me (not literally) megafanny strikes again..dunno if I quite believe this story either but its funny and think you should look for a publisher..

we haven't used the kitchen tools, but DH loves, loves, LOVES to twist up the tea towel, and flick my poor tush! When he uses a damp cloth, and really twirls it, it makes a loud SNAP! He says he loves the sound, but I don't know if he means the sound of me letting out a yelp, or the sound of the skin strike...

Sorry i know im new here but pmsl
In all seriousness please tell me you dont use the thing for preparing food as well ?
Like others have said how the hell would you bend that way ? and surely it would be a bit painful ?
Im all for each to their own but this has certainly put me off eating at other peoples houses i mean the rolling pin you dont 'reuse' that do you ?
I cant believe im actually asking tbh but the mind boggles
I also found the comment about he may of got it from the fact his mum is a very very good cook im scared to think of what he thought when he see her using the kitchen utensils shudders

Still like i say each to their own pmsl

Can I out myself here and say thank you for all the wonderful responses. Some were very, very funny, so thank you for playing along. I just figured people could use a laugh today. And food processors do look like fantastic potential sex toys.

For the record though, although I love my food processor very much (Kenwood Multipro, so you are indeed right, it only works with the bowl and lid attached) I'm not ready to have sexual relations with it (and never bloody will be, before I get a reputation here). Rolling pins have also never met my fanjo intimately.

Also I DON'T have a dh, let alone one that has a thing for kitchen implements. He is, thankfully, imaginary.

was feeling a bit crappy today untill i read this post
thanks op for cheering me up !

Well bathbuns..you really should get yourself a partner because there are people seriously missing out here

What a great lot you all are, it added a bit of brightness into my world last night. I know, how sad..

Anyhoo thanks bathbuns for encouraging my DH to get the mixer out. I am gonna have to bloody use it now (for making cakes, of course)

Magimix's don't work without the bowl attatched................................yes I DID check

oh bathbuns, i was enjoying that - but tell me, are you the original kitchen utensil lady? where can i find that thread or is it forever in the ether?

Ahh I love me a good bit of funny trolling. It helps kill time whilst my food prosessor is in for repairs.

See I've just allowed people to talk about something that is normally taboo. Shagging kitchen utensils and all that. You're all looking at your kitchens in a new light, right?

Deciduous, sorry you're now going to have to cook!

brightlights I am not the original kitchen utensil lady, sorry to disappoint. I really, really do not have a thing about them, promise. Tis the first time I have looked at them in this way, I swear.

I'm hurt that you lied to us, bathbuns. I feel so deceived. I was going to ask how you keep yourself so supple, but you're just a fraud :( I shall have to find solace with my spatula.

bathbuns good thread!

I think this is a 9/10.

Damn you! I'm going to get the giggles next time I cook now!

Were you making pom bears with it?

PMSL, bathbuns with an imagination like that, you REALLY ought to take up writing porn.....or set yourself up a txt/e-mail/phone sex service....you'd make fortune

Did you do this before or after you made the soup??

OMG! I went off to find some interesting kitchen implements after my last post and got a bloody VIRUS!!! My whole computer shut down and it took over 24 hours to fix! Thank heavens I don't do online banking because it would have taken everything!

Clearly I told the lovely chap who fixed it that I was looking for a new veg peeler rather than actually admitting that I was looking for kitchen based sex toys!!!

Have I missed the point of mum's net? You dont have any kids and post what is a tad porn like?

Call me unadventurous and old fashioned but I'd rather stick to sitting on the washing machine.

my washing machine has a surface above it so it's no fun at all

I feel for you Asteria. My washing machine has been out of order for the past week. I am so sexually frustrated. The food processor doesn't have the same sex appeal.