Help! So embarrassed.

[Queenofthekitchen]

I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I'm so embarrassed, so please don't laugh.

My wonderful (strict Catholic) MIL gave me a food processor for Christmas. I was so excited, I love to cook and there are so many recipes I've been longing to try.

I've been making something every other day, practically, it's great. Anyway, 2 evenings ago I was making something and DH walked in and saw me using it. I was telling him how wonderful it was and took the bowl off to scrape my mixture of soup into bowls ready to eat. He took one look at it and came and put his arm round me and asked if I'd try something. Now, before you call troll, he has a thing about kitchen implements. Lets just say I never knew there were so many uses for rolling pins and spatulas before I met him. It doesn't really float my boat but I love him and it's not as bad a fetish as some things so I try and indulge him occasionally.

Anyway, he pointed out to me that the drive shaft on the processor was really strong and he'd love to see me ride it . We have no dc's so have the house to ourselves and he was really keen so I did. It was very powerful! I was buzzing all evening. He loved it, says it was the sexiest thing ever (I had to keep my apron on). It was quite nice, I admit, although a bit too powerful, hence the buzzing.

Anyway, that's all fine but we went round to my PIL for supper last night and I took some of the leftover soup as we ran out the door (didn't really get round to eating much the night before), completely not thinking. I presented it to MIL and was gushing about the processor, when some very vivid memories from the night before popped into my head. My DH, who loves to wind people up said to his mother 'oh yes, the vibrations are very powerful.' I have never gone more red in my life. She made a catbum mouth and didn't say anything, but what if she guessed?! I'm so mortified.

Do you think I should refuse to use it again in that manner? It will disappoint DH dreadfully, but if he's going to crack jokes about it I'm going to be stubborn.

I know this all seems ridiculous, but I just know I'm going to go red every time I see my MIL now, and I've always wanted to make a good impression with her seeing as she's got such strict morals.

I think they did.

Yep, I have an automatic ouch

"vegetable isle in waitrose"

guffaw

do you take a private boat there?

We may have experimented with vegetables before already

OMG have just been bleaching the kitchen. Was thinking about my MIL walking in on DH as a teenager and suddenly thought 'why wouldn't he be carrying on in private?' He works from home one day a week when I'm not here. I'm not taking any chances. He's appalling at cleaning at the best of times. Should I just chuck everything out?

Nah just bleach the drive shaft. Sit on it and get anal bleaching for freeeee

private boat??

I shouldn't think your MIL's immediate thought after her son's comment would have been that you'd used the food processor as a sex aid! Think you're quite safe there. And if it was her first thought, then she's more open minded than you thought...

I myself prefer to slide my genitals up and down on my japanese mandolin. I have labia like raw chopped liver naturally, and I get though alot of germolene and gauze, but DH likes it, and I like him to be happy in that department. I'm thinking of moving on to the Black and Decker drill next.

omg fellatio that is soooo funny.... I was stripping the stairs when i fell on the electric sander and ....well...need i say more!

If you try and substitute the bowl for a mooncup, it would be a dream come true for many lentil weavers here. ..

MoldyWarp..yes, I think you should say more

FellatioNelson..oh my good lord.

PMSL well the smallest bit I can think of on mine that you could sit on & still work it, would be the coffee grinder ....if you can get that up there, perhaps your next name change could be CucketBunt

DH just came in complaining I'm on here giggling, when theres some fab teen sex programe on TV.....he won't p off & watch it now, as thinks this MUCH more entertaining

Does he want to give food processor sex a go too rockin?
(and thanks for the namechange suggestion. I might just use it!)

No he much prefers garden mud wrestling into mole holes...especially if theres a mole at home, something about wellies, teeth & the outdoors floats his boat....you should try it sometime, maybe your DH would enjoy the strimmer for a change

I'm never going to eat at anyone else's house again

Now, before you call troll, he has a thing about kitchen implements

Fair enough. That changes everything.

Brilliant ... Am seriously laughing with tears rolling down and trying not to wake the children, completely lost it with fellatio's mandolin. Bravo

Make, model, brand please

LOL

LOL!
one thought........
i hope the rolling pins are used on you rather than him!!

I'm going to go all internetz and shout TINWOP!!

What brand was the processor? My Kenwood has just died after years of duty and although I need one purely for culinary purposes, a processor that can take the full weight of a grown woman sounds sturdy and capable of years of good service.

best laugh I've had in ages reading this post.

admit - how many of you have actually gone to their kitchen and checked whether their blender works without the bowl...

Holds hands up

It didn't work :(

Brool Story Co.