not to have offered the inlaws a cup of tea?

[bluejeans]

DH's family like to pop in without ringing first (live locally). None of my family and friends do this and it still annoys me after all the time we've been together. DH thinks I'm uptight if I complain about it. I usually suddenly remember some washing that needs hanging up etc and leave DH and DD to entertain them. Don't have a great relationship with MIL at the best of times as she can be controlling and bossy.

So tonight DH is out (which to be fair they wouldn't've known) and DD is at Guides. It's rare for me to have the house to myself so was making the most of it by slobbing on the sofa with MN, crap tv in the background and some leftovers from one of DDs Xmas selection boxes.

It really freaked me out as they just walked in the front door and MIL came in and plonked herself on the sofa. Actually got a bit of a fright, I guess as I was so absorbed in MN relaxed so think I was quite rude to them. Jumped out of my seat and sort of hovered instead of inviting them in/offering them a drink. FIL stood awkwardly in the doorway. They ended up going after about 5 minutes muttering something about 'just a quick visit' but TBH they would've stayed all evening given a chance

I've now got the house to myself again but feel a bit guilty for being rude so obviously rude to them

I'm sort of hoping they won't feel welcome and it might make them phone first next time. But MIL is so thick skinned I doubt it. She's never taken a hint before!

I'm probably over reacting by starting a thread about it but it really annoyed me. Maybe I'm just mad cos they caught me surrounded by chocolate wrappers when I'm meant to be on a diet?

It wouldn't bother me I don't mind people popping in ...but each to their own

Did they have a key?

I would be more than a bit pissed of at them just waltzing in.

They let themselves in? Have they got a key?

Keep your door locked you numpty.

I'd hate to surprised by that - what if I was having a quick kit-kat shuffle to Keanu Reeves

Lock your door! Twice!

Do they normally just let themselves in?

If they have a key - change the locks!
This is bad manners on their part - what if you were having a romantic time on sofa with DH?

at numpty!

Yes - I must remember to lock the door when I'm home alone! (we usually only lock up when we go to bed) - exactly laurie I could've been doing anything!

No way will they ever get a key - MIL is so nosey - she'd probably come round for a nose when I'm at work

(luckily she doesn't drive so she can only come with FIL thankfully)

I can't get over the fact you have chocolate left over from Christmas

You should not feel guilty about being rude to people that were rude by barging into your house.

I know some people don't mind family dropping in unexpectedly, but you do, which is fair enough. Your house, your rules.

Perhaps use it to your advantage...
I'd phone and apologise, saying something like: "I'm sorry if I seemed rude but I was half asleep, so not really with it. You know how it is...rare moments of peace. Perhaps if you ring first next time I can get myself together a bit and put the kettle on? Lovely to see you and all that."

YANBU, this does my fucking head in, PIL do it too - they don't barge in to the house but they do look in the window to see if I/we are in.

I think you were very restrained actually. I'd have been fucking furious.

I'd hate it if anyone walked into my home uninvited, family or not. It seems hugely inappropriate to me. You are not their daughter - and even if you were, your home is private space, whether you are having a quiet cup of tea or a furious wanking session.

Anyway, it wouldn't happen here because I live in a flat, so the door locks whenever it's closed. But I'd keep my door locked wherever I lived - especially if my PIL lived very near us.

I like Dansmommy's idea. Smooth it over before Dh hears about it - especially if it is a source of annoyance!

redfairy I haven't started my Christmas choc yet! Does that make me weird?

not very safe to leave the door open like that. could have been anyone.

yes it would have been polite to make them a cup of tea. i don't like people turning up unannounced but that's cos i'm an antisocial bugger.

i don't understand why people don't sort that sort of thing (whether it's okay to have an open house or whether you like to be consulted about visitors first) out before they get married though...or at least pretty soon into the marriage. surely that sort of thing is a fundamental lifestyle preference and needs to be agreed between you?

DirtyMartini 'you are not their daughter'...exactly! I think that's part of the problem - SIL lives locally too. MIL does a lot of childcare for SIL and they are in and out of each others houses every day - SIL once had the cheek to go out somewhere without telling MIL where she was going and MIL phoned us in a rage .

MIL expects the same relationship with me

YANBU it is your house and just wanted time to yourself, they have no right coming into your house like that.My FIL sounds like your MIL and I have stopped trying!
No I never offer them a cup of tea anymore and not bothered as I have never been offered a drink in their home,always had to ask.
One day when dd was a baby, I was there from 12, til half 5 and never even had a drink of water.

yanbu, I don't like unannounced visitors. It's an invasion of your privacy and a quick phone call to say you'll be passing by takes minimum effort. To which you have every right to say "Oh to be honest, no-one else is at home and I'm slobbing about catching up on stuff. We'll all be around tomorrow if you want to pop by then."

I could seriously do with a chocolate orange!

Definitely lock the door. I remember we fitted a gate (with lock) on one house as PiLs would come in through the back door.

at gate with lock

Thanks everyone for the moral support. Feel so much better for venting on here.