not to have offered the inlaws a cup of tea?

[bluejeans]

DH's family like to pop in without ringing first (live locally). None of my family and friends do this and it still annoys me after all the time we've been together. DH thinks I'm uptight if I complain about it. I usually suddenly remember some washing that needs hanging up etc and leave DH and DD to entertain them. Don't have a great relationship with MIL at the best of times as she can be controlling and bossy.

So tonight DH is out (which to be fair they wouldn't've known) and DD is at Guides. It's rare for me to have the house to myself so was making the most of it by slobbing on the sofa with MN, crap tv in the background and some leftovers from one of DDs Xmas selection boxes.

It really freaked me out as they just walked in the front door and MIL came in and plonked herself on the sofa. Actually got a bit of a fright, I guess as I was so absorbed in MN relaxed so think I was quite rude to them. Jumped out of my seat and sort of hovered instead of inviting them in/offering them a drink. FIL stood awkwardly in the doorway. They ended up going after about 5 minutes muttering something about 'just a quick visit' but TBH they would've stayed all evening given a chance

I've now got the house to myself again but feel a bit guilty for being rude so obviously rude to them

I'm sort of hoping they won't feel welcome and it might make them phone first next time. But MIL is so thick skinned I doubt it. She's never taken a hint before!

I'm probably over reacting by starting a thread about it but it really annoyed me. Maybe I'm just mad cos they caught me surrounded by chocolate wrappers when I'm meant to be on a diet?

I can't imagine living in a world where people just walk into your house!

I don't care who they are, no-one just lets themselves in to my home. It's MY home, my sanctuary, my place. I relish my privacy, and think it is totally unacceptable to just wander in to someone's living room, especially in an evening.

I once made an arrangement with my MIL for her to come around at a certain time to collect me & ds and take us out somewhere. She came about 30 mins earlier than arranged, finding ds and I were still out. She then proceeded to walk around the corner, down the lane that runs along the back of our garden, let herself in through our back gate, and climbed through an unlocked back window into our house!? When ds and I arrived home, we found her in the sitting room, having helped herself to lunch from our fridge, watching TV. She seemed quite oblivious to my shock & disapproval too!
On another occasion, DH gave PIL the keys to our house for emergencies when we went to Australia for a longish holiday. When we returned, PIL had tidied the entire house (cuboards included) and MIL had even been staying there... worse, I was made to feel nasty for not being more grateful for her (entirely unwanted & unsolicited) efforts.

She still drops in uninvited, often at inconvenient times (espec. dc's bedtime etc) and no amount of dropping hints seems to dissuade her.

Don't feel guilty. Its rude and very ignorant to just walk in uninvited.

Unfortunately they don't know that. Get dh to read these responses and have a little word with his mum.
Or - for a few weeks give her a dose of her own medicine and visit her (especially when she is watching her favorite programs). Plonk yourself down and moan and groan all the time you are there.

YANBU. I hate unexpected visitors.

I would go ballistic at my own mother for just turning up and walking in like that, never mind anyone else.

It isn't making an appointment, it's just arranging a mutually convenient time. I couldn't stand to live in my family's pocket even if we lived close by - everyone needs their own life and space.

alibaba i dont even like my house phone ringing past 8 how rude.I have become increasingly anti social as time goes by,bit worried tbh,ill be a hermit soon.

Rude to just walk in imo.

Even if expected I would think someone would ring/knock first.

ILs used to have a spare key-until I moved in.

MIL-very dramatically, with tears in her eyes, sobbing/shaking voice said "I won´t be needing this now, will I?"-putting key down & not letting go

"No, you won´t thanks,I will"-me, nearly having to rap her across the knuckles

cornflowers - eek! He went through your cupboards (all your personal stuff!) and rearranged them and she just moved in!? Fooking hell!

cornflowers, what about your porn stash/thrush cream/dildo or the hundreds of other items you don't want people knowing about? i'm sure we all have them. i can't believe someone would just go through all your cupboards like that

OP, yanbu, that would freak me out too, apart from the 'making me jump' factor (which i really, really hate, i'm nervous enough some nights when DH is away with work, seems spooky here without him)... it's rude if they've been told you would prefer them not to do it.

to anyone still (yawn) posting "it's not rude, it's acceptable in my family" - surely if you let someone know you'd prefer to have some warning of them doing this, and then they keep doing it, without argument this is rude behaviour.

No one can get in our front door without a key when it is shut. They shouldn't be just walking in,

Cornflowers I would have died! She climbed in through the back window? That is literally insane. She is mad.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak I was thinking exactly the same thing.

My mum has a key to my house but no way would she ever turn up without letting me know first. And I would never do the same to her. And we are a close knit family...doesn't mean we aren't entitled to space and privacy.

My dad on the other hand...after many years of disappoval he has FINALLY stopped turning up announced. He now phones to say "I'm round the corner, wil be at yours in 5 minutes..."

YADNotBU!

It is your house and if you like people to call first that is not something you should ever feel bad about! I am the same and would not drop in uninvited to other people's homes.

I do not think she is being thick skinned - I think she is being disrespectful and wants things her way. You need to get some new ground rules down!

I think you were very rude TBH

You can definitely turn this to your advantage!

At the moment, as well as thinking you are inhospitable for not wanting them to pop over without notice, they also think you were rude for not offering them tea last night.

I'd phone them and say 'Just wanted to call and say sorry for not offering you tea when you called in last night. I was half asleep and then had the shock of my life when I woke up to people INSIDE my house! It took me a while to wake up properly and figuer out what what was going on! Give me a call next time you are in the area so I'm expecting you and I'll make you tea and cake and we can have a nice catch up then instead'

Will get your point across in a way that looks like you are apologising iyswim

I think you were very rude TBH

Are you serious?! People walked into her house and plonked themselves down. The OP was in shock!

No you are not unreasonable. I would at least expect a knock at the door.

TBH this is why i am glad i don't live in my husband's country, they do this; i have lost count the amount of time i have jumped at the sudden appearance of people. Also they never call. Even those living in England will just turn up for coffee and if it is dinner time i have to offer some!

YANBU! I absolutely hate this.

Our first home together was over the road from pils and they both used to do this all the time. They had a spare key for emergencies or for if we were ever locked out, but used it on a daily basis to just 'pop round' - even if I was in the house mil would just come over and let herself in with the key, I'd come down from a shower or something and get the shock of my life to find her sitting on the sofa with a cuppa watching tv! I started having to leave my key in the other side of the door so she couldn't get in, you could still hear her trying her key in the other side first but finally admitting defeat and actually knocking! Half the time I used to ignore her then when she mentioned it later tell her I must have had the hoover on/been in the shower etc, and not heard her knocking

I remember a few times when I'd gone to work and realised 5mins down the road I'd forgotton something and gone back home and found her in the house. It was like she was waiting for me to go out so she could come in for a snoop! I regularly used to come home from work to find items rearranged or the dishes done or whatever, or even fil in the back garden cutting the grass/doing some gardening! I tried to tell them both many times this all wasn't necessary but mil used to say "well you're both so busy with work, we don't mind popping over to help out" - it was like she thought I couldn't possibly have a full time job and take care of my own home as well, which wasn't the case. It used to drive me mad!! Oh and 9 times out of 10 I didn't offer them a drink either, I didn't care if I was being rude as I thought it was worse to just turn up unannounced when I was busy and expect to be entertained!

No matter how many times both dh and I told them they just kept doing it. It only stopped when we moved house a few years later and issued the only spare key to MY parents, who both wouldn't dream of turning up unannounced!

Anyways sorry for the long post but just wanted to say how much your post struck a cord with me. Do not feel bad about this and make sure your door is locked in future so they can't do it again!

This would do my head in. We are an hour away but DW's parents used to do it all the time. They'd turn up at odd times- like 4pm on a weekday when I was, as now, working from home - and just sit there drinking tea in the lounge. MIL would keep looking at her watch and asking in a bewildered way why DW was being so long at work.

When we moved, I thought they wouldn't do it as we are a little further away, but they've still tried it once or twice.

As for locking the door - I did that, but they phoned!! And if I hadn't answered the phone, they'd just have sat outside...