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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate when parents do this?

56 replies

meantosay · 18/01/2011 12:26

I was at a friend's house for dinner last night. It was a group of old college friends and we always have a great time together catching up. The friend hosting has a ten year old ds and a twelve year old dd. When we all arrived they came in and chatted to us for a while and we asked them all about school etc. Then they 'escaped' back to the toom with the telly with some sweets we had brought them.

However, when we sat down for dinner their mum said 'DS and DD, stop watching telly and come in and chat to us' (they had eaten earlier). So, instead of having a nice girls night catch up we had to have a polite, suitable for the children conversation.

AIBU to hate when parents plonk their children into the middle of what is meant to be an adult occasion?

OP posts:

WhyHavePets · 18/01/2011 12:28

If you knew she had dc and you were going to her house then I think YABabitU to expect not to have the dc involved tbh!

Having said that she called them in rather than them wanting to join in so I guess YANBU...hmm

Memoo · 18/01/2011 12:30

What do you want them to do, lock the kids in the cellar?

JaxTellersOldLady · 18/01/2011 12:30

If you are such good friends couldnt one of you said "oh, leave them to watch tv/play, they will be bored listening ot us"

well, that is what I would have done anyway.

unhappyshopper · 18/01/2011 12:30

Yanbu as I would have felt the same.

An adult dinner party should be just that.

Memoo · 18/01/2011 12:30

How old are your dc op?

Memoo · 18/01/2011 12:31

How old are your dc op?

Sirzy · 18/01/2011 12:32

If they had wanted to come and join in then it would be unreasonable for them to not be allowed. But if they were happy where they were it seems wrong to force them to join in

coatgate · 18/01/2011 12:32

How odd - I am always telling my DD (11) to go away when friends come round for
a bitch gossip.

MarniesMummy · 18/01/2011 12:33

YABU

I don't know what you expected. Seems like your friend did what anyone would do.

NoWayNoHow · 18/01/2011 12:34

YANBU. If they'd wandered in mid-dinner, then it would be different, cos you can't exactly shoo them away without being rude to the host.

But if they were happy in the other room, why did your friend ask them in??

If that had been me when I was 10\12 years old, I would have been BORED STIFF being dragged into the middle of adult conversation when I had been quite happy watching telly...

unhappyshopper · 18/01/2011 12:34

"If they had wanted to come and join in then it would be unreasonable for them to not be allowed"

why would it?

I dont see why children HAVE to be included in everything that their parents do.. surely the parents would like to have a bit of time where they can be grown ups and swear a bit.. or gossip without little ears listening in.

Is there some new law now that says parents must have their children with them at all times. lol....

LoveMyGirls · 18/01/2011 12:35

YANBU imo, when I was a child and my mum had friends round it was expected children went to play while adults chatted and to me their conversation was boring anyway and I'd rather be playing!

Now I'm a mum and dd1 is 11, when my friends come to see me, especially friends I had before having dd's I do involve her to start with but after the conversation such as you said about school, life in general etc then I steer dd politely to going off to do something else because my friends have come to see me and we might want to talk about things I don't want my dd to know about.

Original poster

meantosay · 18/01/2011 12:37

Memoo

My dc are 3 and 5 so usually in their pjs when guests arrive for dinner.
But I have no intention, when they're older, of including them in night time dinner parties where they will inhibit the conversation.

OP posts:

FranSanDisco · 18/01/2011 12:37

YANBU. They'd eaten and were watching TV. Why couldn't she leave them to it?

superv1xen · 18/01/2011 12:40

yeah i don't think they should have been there! doesn't sound like they particularly wanted to be anyway

AngelicaDemonica · 18/01/2011 12:40

It all depends if you knew if the kids were going to be there in the first place. You can never have a truly adult evening when the kids are in the house.

Our grown-ups nights are reserved for the rare occasions we can get the kids away because it's unfair on the kids to feel nervous about walking around their own home and not fair on the adults to have to tone it down for the kids.

Next time see if the kids are going to be there and don't go if they will be if it buigs you so much.

superv1xen · 18/01/2011 12:41

and not only does it inhibit the conversations when DC are around, they usuallly interrupt and butt in and make noise etc.

yanbu!

PuppyMonkey · 18/01/2011 12:41

Did she get them to do a little guitar performance and recite poetry too?

YANBU. Poor kids.

swanandduck · 18/01/2011 12:43

Why would kids feel 'nervous' walking around their own home just because there are visitors there.

All they have to do is amuse themselves in another room, which these children seemed quite happy to do.

YANBU OP. When I was a child we would do exactly as you described - have a couple of minutes polite conversation with the visitors (hoping they'd brought us sweets) and then happily watch telly for the night while our parents happily chatted to their friends.

unhappyshopper · 18/01/2011 12:44

"Our grown-ups nights are reserved for the rare occasions we can get the kids away because it's unfair on the kids to feel nervous about walking around their own home"

If they are young children, then they would be in bed.. and surely older children are capable of understanding that their parents are entertaining guests and they are to keep a low profile. Most kids would be more than happy to do that and not feel nervous!..

pinkstarlight · 18/01/2011 12:44

its her childrens home so sounds like your friend wanted to include them it also teaches them to be sociable.

if you want a proper girly catch up you go out for a drink meal or whatever.

swanandduck · 18/01/2011 12:46

I think children learn to be sociable around people their own age. It is also important that they learn to respect the fact that their parents are entitled to a bit of privacy when chatting to their friends.

aristomache · 18/01/2011 12:47

My kids aren't allowed in the room when I'm doing "adult entertaining" (No, I don't belong on the swingers thread )

They might be allowed in for a chat 15-20mins max, then they know it's adult time. I agree, I don't want to have to watch the conversation etc.

To be honest they wouldn't be round my feet if I didn't have company anyway so no reason for them to do it when I do have company!

RedHeels · 18/01/2011 12:47

I think people view their kids as people and not just kids, IYSWIM. So for the parents it's natural to include their children in conversations, while to other people they're just, well, kids.

RedHeels · 18/01/2011 12:48

First 'people' should be 'parents'.

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