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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

24 hrs and I am still fuming... AIBU??

75 replies

Whiteybaby · 18/01/2011 10:26

To give a bit of background I am 23 weeks pregnant with DC2. DD1 is 21 months. I work 4 days a week and commute to London for three of those with First Capital Connect using their carnet tickets. For those that dont know these are sold in packs of 10 singles and you fill the date in when you use them. It gives 10 singles for the price of 9 and is a great way to save some money and time if you dont need a season ticket due to not travelling 5 days a week.

Yesterday I was running late for the train so dashed on with a minute to spare. I hadn't filled in the date on my ticket (which you are supposed to do prior to entering the station) so before I sat down I got my pen out and filled in in. The train was heaving with people standing so I went into 1st Class.

Anyway a ticket inspector came into the carriage and immediatly said I shouldnt have got on the train before filling in the date on this ticket. I said sorry but that I was running late and had forgot to do it before. She said "if i ever see you do that again i will fine you!!!" .

She then went on to say this is a standard class ticket why are you in first? I explained that I was pregnant (very obviously so) and that there were no seats in standard. If you have a season ticket FCC will give you a letter to allow you to sit in 1st. However, with these carnet tickets you cant have that but I had been told inspectors would be sympathtic. She just kept banging on tho that I shouldnt be there without this letter. She finally grudgingly said she understood but that another inpsector would fine me!

She was rude and agressive from the start and to my shame I spent the rest of the journey sniffing into my hanky in true hormonal style .

I have reported the incident as think she was out of order but have been told that it is up to inspectors discretion as to whether a preg lady can sit in first if no other seats available. Am quite cross that we are just expected to run the gauntlet or make the decision to stand. I dont really want to pick on people to ask them to stand for me as thats pretty embarrassing!

AIBU? Can I just say tho in my currently hormanal state please be gentle if you think I am!!

Thanks for reading my missive! Hope it makes sense!!

OP posts:

ChickensFlyingUnderTheRadar · 18/01/2011 10:31

YANBU. She sounds like a right jobsworth.

piratecat · 18/01/2011 10:33

yanbu

what a cowbag.

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 10:34

You are being unreasonable I think.

Firstly, the reason (as I'm sure you know) that you have to fill the ticket in before getting on the train is so that you don't leave it blank and then use it again if you can get away with it.

Secondly, I'm afraid pregnant or not...first class is for people who pay first class fares.

omnomnomtom · 18/01/2011 10:38

YANBU- it sounds horrible.
I had to stand on a train whilst pg and fainted- would always make sure I got a seat now. When you reported the incident did you complain about her rudeness, it may be up to her discretion whether you can sit in first class but she had not right to be rude

WhyHavePets · 18/01/2011 10:42

Mutznutz is right, yabu - she could have been nice about it but then she could have been having a bad day too!

The fact is that she should have fined you but didn't and she shouldn't have let you sit in first class but did.

Overall I think you came out of the deal on top!

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 10:44

I'd be too scared to complain anyway since you're admitting formally that you (in their eyes) tried to travel with a blank ticket!

RunnerHasbeen · 18/01/2011 10:46

YANBU to be annoyed - but it isn't doing anyone but you any harm to be going over it like this. If you are told it was awful and you are right to feel this way 24h later, is it really going to help?

Perhaps people might be able to give you advice on how to deal with people like this woman, because they are not as rare as you would hope and you shouldn't let them upset you. What I would do is avoid saying "X told me," "Y said" but instead just cut to the chase and say: "As a pregnant woman, do you want me to stand in standard class?" or "I would appreciate if you could move people from the priority seating to allow me to sit in standard class." Always move these jobsworth people onto the issue of what to do next instead of letting them get in a puff of righteousness. They are much happier preening about how their colleague should not have said or done something than having to think on their feet.

Hope you feel a bit better soon and I'm sorry if you just wanted to vent. I'm not blaming you in any way and hope it doesn't sound liek that, just hate the idea that this woman will have moved on almost immediately and the victim is upset for a long time, it's sad.

mayorquimby · 18/01/2011 10:48

yabu, not looking to lynch you or anything just point out that if the options are yanbu/yabu I'm going with yabu.
In both circumstances you were in the wrong and it's the ticket inspectors job to make sure people follow the rules about tickets and about people being in the appropriate carraiges.

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 10:52

Sadly due to changing standards, lack of manners etc...not many people will give up their seats.

But what if all the elderly, infirm and pregnant were to decide to sit in First Class without paying extra? What would be the point in having a first class carriage at all?

Also, anyone can claim to be pregnant or unable to stand for some reason.

spidookly · 18/01/2011 10:54

"But what if all the elderly, infirm and pregnant were to decide to sit in First Class without paying extra?"

I know, just imagine!

The world might end.

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 10:57

No the world wouldn't end spidookly but there would in effect no longer be a first class carriage if everyone could pile in...therefore the elderly, infirm, pregnant etc who really needed it and were willing to pay for it could no longer do so...it would just become another packed carriage.

BarbarianMum · 18/01/2011 10:57

"But what if all the elderly, infirm and pregnant were to decide to sit in First Class without paying extra?"

Maybe they'd get rid of first class and add another standard carriage to seat all the people they'd sold tickets to?

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 10:58

Maybe they would Barbarian but that's a whole other topic Lol.

spidookly · 18/01/2011 10:58

Oh right, so only rich elderly, infirm and pregnant people count?

I get it.

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 11:02

Lol..you get it wrong then. Anyone wishing (for whatever reason) to travel first class are welcome to do so as long as they pay the extra fare. I don't see how that's difficult to understand?

dessen · 18/01/2011 11:06

Fill in your ticket during the day sometime so you don't have to phaff at the station doing this.

I don't know about 1st class in the uk but some countries do allow pregnant mums to go into first class with a second class ticket but you need a form filled by your doctor.

potplant · 18/01/2011 11:07

You know you were going to fill the date on the ticket in but how can she distinguish you from the many people she sees on a daily basis trying it on.

There's no need for the rudeness but having witnessed many examples of rude, offensive and agressive behaviour on trains from passengers towards ticket inspectors I'm not surprised she's on her guard.

FabbyChic · 18/01/2011 11:09

Sorry but I travelled at 9 months pregnant on the tube, and I stood for the whole of my journey.

You make the choice to travel whilst pregnant so if you have to stand so be it.

jumpingjackhash · 18/01/2011 11:11

YABU - you admit you didn't fill in your ticket properly, she let you off on that one.

On the sitting in first class point - while I can see how this is a reasonable thing to do if you're heavily pregnant (or genuinely unable to stand for long periods) - it wasn't your only option, as you could have asked someone in the standard carriage to give you their seat. You also point out yourself that season ticket holders get a letter to allow them to sit in first, you're not a season ticket holder.

However the conductor phrased her comments, she was just doing her job. Some people just lack manners - that's her issue.

swanandduck · 18/01/2011 11:14

YABU to expect to be able to travel first class on a standard ticket.

People who don't stand up for pregnant women (especially young healthy males and schoolkids, but also anyone who is well capable of standing) are also unreasonable, not to mention rude.

SudalivefromHMP · 18/01/2011 11:16

Runnerhasbean - very good post. That is very true about these types of people. I think maybe OP just lacks a bit of assertiveness and at the first sign of making an excuse or blaming someone else you find that very assertive people do tend to pounce on you more. Because I guess you are bowing to their 'authority' instead of speaking out for your own rights and what you want etc. Had the OP been a very important businessman (obviously without the pregnant bit) then I doubt the conversation would have gone down the 'adult to naughty child' route.

YApossiblyBU as I think you need to toughen up so therefore allowed this situation to happen to you and as others have said had she been a real jobsworth would have fined you for first misdemeanour and thrown you out of 1st class for second.

BluddyMoFo · 18/01/2011 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 11:22

I don't really think fining her for the blank ticket would have made the woman a 'Jobsworth'

You have to remember it's her job to check people have paid their fares. It's a fact that fare dodgers often do enter trains with a blank ticket and a biro at the ready incase the inspector gets on.

For the OP it was a genuine one off...but for the Inspector it was probably just another fare dodger. How is she supposed to know?

jumpingjackhash · 18/01/2011 11:22

OP - did you ask anyone in standard for their seat?

slowshow · 18/01/2011 11:23

"Sorry but I travelled at 9 months pregnant on the tube, and I stood for the whole of my journey. You make the choice to travel whilst pregnant so if you have to stand so be it."

But not everyone is as tough as you FabbyChic. I'm only six weeks pregnant and haven't had any problems getting a seat on the tube YET (living at the end of a line helps) but priority seats - which specifically say they are for disabled people and pregnant women - are there for a reason, and I'll ask for one if I think I need one, and I'm perfectly entitled to do so. I'm a fainter and I'm sure it would piss my fellow passengers off more if I passed out and someone hit the emergency alarm, than a polite request for someone to give up their seat.

I really don't understand why people are so mean about pregnant women needing a seat on public transport. All I ever hear are "I paid for my ticket, I deserve this seat" or "You CHOSE to get pregnant, why should I give you my seat?". So pigheaded.

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