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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

24 hrs and I am still fuming... AIBU??

75 replies

Whiteybaby · 18/01/2011 10:26

To give a bit of background I am 23 weeks pregnant with DC2. DD1 is 21 months. I work 4 days a week and commute to London for three of those with First Capital Connect using their carnet tickets. For those that dont know these are sold in packs of 10 singles and you fill the date in when you use them. It gives 10 singles for the price of 9 and is a great way to save some money and time if you dont need a season ticket due to not travelling 5 days a week.

Yesterday I was running late for the train so dashed on with a minute to spare. I hadn't filled in the date on my ticket (which you are supposed to do prior to entering the station) so before I sat down I got my pen out and filled in in. The train was heaving with people standing so I went into 1st Class.

Anyway a ticket inspector came into the carriage and immediatly said I shouldnt have got on the train before filling in the date on this ticket. I said sorry but that I was running late and had forgot to do it before. She said "if i ever see you do that again i will fine you!!!" Shock.

She then went on to say this is a standard class ticket why are you in first? I explained that I was pregnant (very obviously so) and that there were no seats in standard. If you have a season ticket FCC will give you a letter to allow you to sit in 1st. However, with these carnet tickets you cant have that but I had been told inspectors would be sympathtic. She just kept banging on tho that I shouldnt be there without this letter. She finally grudgingly said she understood but that another inpsector would fine me!

She was rude and agressive from the start and to my shame I spent the rest of the journey sniffing into my hanky in true hormonal style Sad.

I have reported the incident as think she was out of order but have been told that it is up to inspectors discretion as to whether a preg lady can sit in first if no other seats available. Am quite cross that we are just expected to run the gauntlet or make the decision to stand. I dont really want to pick on people to ask them to stand for me as thats pretty embarrassing!

AIBU? Can I just say tho in my currently hormanal state please be gentle if you think I am!!

Thanks for reading my missive! Hope it makes sense!! Smile

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 18/01/2011 11:28

i think YABU

if you don't want to ask anyone for their seat then you either stand or you pay for a first class ticket. you are aware that you are pregnant so you adjust you requirements accordingly. if you need to sit then you ensure you can by paying for a first class ticket.

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 11:28

You're right, it is pigheaded and selfish. Also, my personal experience is that it's nearly always the older generation that give up their seats for the elderly or pregnant.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 18/01/2011 11:30

OP, YABU in one way, but in another you aren't. You know which days you'll use the train so fill out the date in advance. As far as the seating goes, ask someone to move. If you make retching noises I am certain you'll get a seat.
Don't be a martyr to your pregnancy.

SudalivefromHMP · 18/01/2011 11:32

Yes I agree Mutznutz - that wouldnt make her a jobsworth - but if she were any of the things she's been called including a jobsworth I imagine she would have had the same attitude and thrown her out and fined her. Not saying that doing any or all of those would make her a jobsworth just that a jobsworth would probably have done them all.

I know what I mean anyway - thats the main thing Grin

Original poster
Whiteybaby · 18/01/2011 11:32

Thanks all for the replies. Actually most have made me smile and yes I hear what you say!

For the record tho I had filled the ticket in before she entered the carriage and before I saw her. She saw me finish it through the window and I did apologise but yes I could be like any other cheeky fare dodger.

Runnersbean I did ask if she wanted to ask someone to move for me. She declined. I promise those that think I need some assertiveness training thats really not the case! Not usually seen as one of my failings in fact often the other way!

I guess I was upset as I try to be polite to people and pleasant as I really believe we can all be a bit rude in our busy lives. There are so many notices about being polite to staff. Tbh I was just p*ssed off that the inspector didnt seem to think its a two way street!

Its difficult tho on our trains to ask someone to move as there arent any "designated seats" like they have on buses or tubes so how do you know who to pick on?

Also to fabby chic sorry we don't all decide to travel! I have a job, I have to work, I dont have any choice about travelling!

OP posts:
Muira · 18/01/2011 11:37

You're pregnant, not disabled. I'm afraid YABU.
I once "stood" on a train all the way from Newcastle to Edinburgh. I say "stood" because I'm very physically disabled and fell over constantly, into other standing passengers, into luggage, it was like I just ricocheted the entire journey. It was sore and embarrassing and I looked like a tit. I had the right ticket and I asked for help but I had to suck it up. The staff didn't care. I got over myself. I think you should.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 18/01/2011 11:39

erm, you asked her to ask someone to move for you?? what is wrong with your own mouth?

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 11:43

Sudalive I gotcha Grin

OP it's not the Inspector's job to ask anyone to get up for you...and even if she did, what about the next time your travel and the time after that?

Original poster
Whiteybaby · 18/01/2011 11:51

ok thats wasnt my point I am completely capable of asking someone to move! But at that point I didnt realise I couldn't sit in first (i do now) and so thought it a bit unfair to ask some poor sod to move for me when the 1st class carriage was completely empty. I was only responding to an earlier post saying I should have done this!

FCC have suggested that I write to ask if carnet ticket holders could also be part of the "mums to be" club that they have. There must be loads of second timers like me that work pt and are preg but don't have season tickets. Its offered because they recognise that some trains are hugely busy and its a solution for those that need a seat without inconveniencing anyone else.

OP posts:
Casserole · 18/01/2011 11:53
  1. 23 weeks is not heavily pregnant.
  1. The inspector let you off TWO infringements that she could have fined you for. You then went and complained about her.

Nice. Yes, YABU.

monkeyflippers · 18/01/2011 11:55

No you're not being unreasonable. All you wanted was for the woman to be polite to you. that's not too much to ask.

Maybe saying something like "I don't think this rudeness is necessary" to her would have helped (for future reference).

I would be upset to.

KickButtowski · 18/01/2011 11:56

Erm she didn't give you a fine, and then she let you sit in 1st class...... and you still complained?

I imagine she went home and told everyone about the ridiculous rude lady on the trian today who tried to travel on a blank ticket and then blagged her way into first class and then had a go at her for doing her job.

Get over yourself love.

rockinhippy · 18/01/2011 11:56

YADNBU.....& unless the rules have changed in recent years, you WEREN"T doing anything wrong either.....there was a "best kept secret" (told to me by a train driver friend & I once quoted & got an apology as a result) clause when I was commuting that you were actually allowed to run through without a ticket IF due to ticket queues etc, not doing so would mean you would miss your train....& lets face it, when is there ever NOT a queue on London bound trains

monkeyflippers · 18/01/2011 11:59

Casserole 23 weeks might not be that healvily pregnanct but it can be just as uncomfortable depending on where baby is lying. I could hardly stand from 5 weeks!

rockinhippy · 18/01/2011 12:00

Too true monkeyflippers I was often in AGONY at that stage, much worse than last trimester

monkeyflippers · 18/01/2011 12:01

Wow, the OP has admitted that she was technically in the wrong and is only complaining that the ticket inspector was rude to her (and since when is that ok!?) and still everyone is being really nasty to her. Sometimes I get shocked by how horrible everyone can be on this forum!

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 12:01

That's not even close to what happened rockin

She had a ticket already...but it was blank before she entered the train and therefore she could have got away with using it again and again until she came up against an Inspector.

Casserole · 18/01/2011 12:02

Sadly though that's not the inspector's responsibility to manage, and nor is it reasonable to expect her to do so. If the OP is in that much pain routinely she should at least get a GP letter. Or look at other practical steps to manage the problem. And I speak as someone who is 30 weeks pregnant and off out now to the chiro to try and sort my sore pelvis out.

monkeyflippers · 18/01/2011 12:03

rockinhippy I was often in AGONY at that stage, much worse than last trimester

Yeah it's weird isn't it as people are so much more likely to sympathise and help out when you are bigger but that's not always when you need it most.

deepheat · 18/01/2011 12:03

YABU. If the criteria for sitting in 1st Class were broadened to include pregnant women and the elderly then people like me might have to end up sitting with working class people. This is obviously unacceptable and I'm sure that when you read this in black and white you'll realise just how unreasonable you've been.

Joking of course. Slightly unreasonable in that she doing her job and these offers have specific terms and cons for a reason, but there isn't any excuse for rudeness and an unpleasant attitude from her. Don't go along with the 'she might have been having a bad day' argument. I have lots of bad days, but when I'm at work I'm paid to do a job and part of that job is to treat people with respect and decency.

kepler10b · 18/01/2011 12:04

i am with mutznutz YABU. although totally understand feeling a bit teary.

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 12:06

The OP has yet to give an example of the Inspector's rudeness though?

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 18/01/2011 12:07

YANBU

You didn't fill your ticket in before getting on the train but you filled it in straight away before you saw her, she only saw you through the window, it's not like you waited until she got to you.

The company need a rule on pregnant woman using first class (on a std ticket) - it should not be up to the inspectors to decide!

If you are pregnant you should be able to use the Pregant Mums thing on a carnet ticket.

mutznutz · 18/01/2011 12:11

How does the Inspector know when the OP saw her? For all she knows she could have spotted her in the packed carriage and thought 'Oh shit, I'd better get it filled in quickly'?

I'm not saying that's what happened but again from the Inspectors point of view (who has no doubt heard every excuse under the sun)

rockinhippy · 18/01/2011 12:11

Highly unlikely though mutznutz as she'd of had to pass through barriers at the other end, so she was never going to get away with it

& yes it is weird how people too often THINK its worse later on monkeyflippers but in my experience of commuting to London whilst pregnant......on rush hour trains no-one EVER sympathizes & don't give up allocated seats even when asked :( ....I stupidly did it past my due date, & even years later cannot gt over how awful other commuters were Shock