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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been a right bastard to DH. Come and virtually beat me up.

77 replies

bupcakesandcunting · 16/01/2011 17:49

Some of you might have read my slightly panicky thread about my DS and suspected swine flu yesterday. Cut a long story short, DS was very ill yesterday, high temps, vomiting, fever, shakes etc. DH and I decided last night that DS would be best sleeping in my bed (worried about choking on vomit amongst other things) and I said I would sleep with him, DH would sleep in the spare room and if I got a sleepless night then DH could take over this morning whilst I caught up on sleep.

Needless to say I got about 40 minutes sleep last night. DH got up at 8 with DS and I went back to sleep. Then DH woke me up at 8.30 saying that he was driving over to MIL's as she has emphesema (ongoing thing, obviously) and it had flared up and she couldn't catch her breath. I got up with DS and came down. It got to 3 this afternoon and DH text me saying she's been admitted to hospital for tests. I asked if there was any way BIL could drive over to the hospital and take over for a bit so that DH might be able to come home and take over here (BIL is 20 min drive away where as we are a hour) and BIL could not. I'm afraid I lost my grip a bit Blush There always seems to be a reason BIL will not help and it's riled me today as I'm tired/worried about DS/first day of heaviest perios I've had in months.

I told DH his brother was a spiteful prick and that if his mum had rang us on friday when she started feeling ill, she'd have been sorted by now. (MIL has this "thing" of not wanting to "inconvenience" us and BIL so never tells us she needs us for stuff until things get bad, like today, despite us drumming into her "please call us if you feel you're worsening." She left it so long last xmas without asking us for help that she got a blood clot on her lung and we all spent xmas driving over to hospital and back but if she'd told us a week before, some antibiotics would have been given and she'd have been fine!)

Anyway, I'm feeling shattered and resentful and I took it out on DH. I'm a right bastard. And to top it off, DS is constantly crying/asking for DH and it looks like he's going to be there for the forseeable. I text him with a lengthy apology, explaining that it's not him I'm angry at, it's his BIL and that I took it out on him and that I'm sorry and I just got an "OK" back Blush

Kick me up the bum.

OP posts:
Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 16/01/2011 17:50

*MY BIL, I should have said.

OP posts:
winnybella · 16/01/2011 17:52

Hmm. I'm afraid that I can't as I would have reacted in exactly the same way as you did. Sorry.

Is DS better today?

Ormirian · 16/01/2011 17:52

I wouldn't dream of kicking you up the bum. Have a virtual manly slap on the back and a 'chin up bupcakes!'

Nothing wrong with being cross in the circs and you've apologised.

Hope MIL and DS better soon.

clumsymumluckybaby · 16/01/2011 17:52

i'd have done exactly the same...probably worse in factBlush

compo · 16/01/2011 17:53

Your poor dh
but I can see you're stressed

belgo · 16/01/2011 17:53

No you don't need a kick up the bum.

You've had a very bad weekend. and I think you need to give yourself a break. You've apologised, that's all you needed to do.

Hope your mil gets better soon, and you have a better night tonight.

FaffTastic · 16/01/2011 17:54

You were tired, hormonal, stressed. Yep, you were a bit harsh to him but, under the circumstances, most people would probably have acted the same. You expalined you were angry at BIL and took it out on DH instead, as I would probably also have done.

Sorry, that probably wasn't enough of a harsh keep up the bum was it.

Here:

You sound like a right unreasonable stoppy cow and you should grovel on your knees for at least 24hrs and never ever take your tiredness and resentment out on your DH again. You bad, bad wife you.

Wink
BelleDameSansMerci · 16/01/2011 17:54

I think your reaction was understandable actually. Possibly not the best timing or expressed how you'd like but your points were all valid.

GlynistheMenace · 16/01/2011 17:55

No kick up the bum from me but huge hug.

Not surprised you cracked, I would have done the same. Sleep deprived and illness does not a calm mother make Wink

Now go and make it up properly with DH face-to-face or I'll be back to kick your ass

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 16/01/2011 17:57

I would do but he's still there :( I just want him to come home I'm tired. Hoesntly, hats off to single parents because I've struggled with one day...

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 16/01/2011 17:57

Chin up bup.

I would have been exactly the same.

My bil is a tit and I take it out on dh sometimes. I think its because I feel bil is never called on his shitty behaviour and therefore enabled to continue being a cunt.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 16/01/2011 17:59

I referred to BIL as "he who must never be bothered" to DH Blush There's always a reason for why he can't help and it fucks me off a bit. Well, a lot actually (can you tell? Grin)

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 16/01/2011 18:17

"He who can never be bothered" is fantastic. I shall be stealing this to describe my own brother!

Hope your DS and DMIL are better soon (should have said that further up, sorry).

Mishy1234 · 16/01/2011 18:20

No kick from me I'm afraid. I would have reacted in exactly the same way.

Hope your DS and MIL are better soon.

SummerRain · 16/01/2011 18:26

Nope... no kicking from me either... I'd probably have reacted even worse and not had the good grace to apologise yet.

You're tired, stessed, worried about ds, hormonal and justifiably annoyed at BIL and to a lesser extent MIL.... you reacted as most normal people would have under the circumstances and you apologised for it..... don't beat yourself up about it

brightlightsandpromises · 16/01/2011 18:29

No kick up the bum, here have some virtual wine instead!! Hope your DS and MiL are both better soon. Sorry you have had such a shit weekend :(

ENormaSnob · 16/01/2011 18:31

It is really galling when you and your dh constantly have to do the bils share too.

Hope your ds and mil are okay

Hassled · 16/01/2011 18:33

I think you've behaved like just about all of us would have. The BIL sounds like a twat and you're knackered. Your DH will understand.

minibmw2010 · 16/01/2011 18:44

I think you've probably kicked yourself up the bum enough and you don't need us to do any more (plus everyone seems to agree with you), but I would say that when DH does make it home, just try to keep your criticism for your BIL and not your MIL, I'd say your DH will be worried enough about her.

NorfolkNChance · 16/01/2011 18:48

No kick up the bum from me either. Also having BIL (albeit by proxy through SIL) issues.

Have a manly bum tap and a chin-up cuppa from me instead.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 16/01/2011 18:48

Thanks for not decking me Blush

DH just rang and confirmed that she's got another blood clot on her lung. If DH hadn't called her this morning, I don't know if she'd still be sat at home alone, struggling to breathe (we don't usually call the parents of a weekend, this morning was by chance) I just don't understand why a grown woman can't act for herself when she is ill Confused But then I am used to my own mother who is very vocal about every ailment Grin

OP posts:
allnightlong · 16/01/2011 18:51

Well at least you know you were being self absorbed. I can understand the 'OK' he must be so stressed and worried about his mum and his DS. Just give him some space.

allnightlong · 16/01/2011 18:53

FFS just seen your last post this woman has a blood clot on her lung and your moaning she didn't call sooner! You need to get a grip and find some bloody compassion!

MrsNonSmoker · 16/01/2011 18:56

DH needs to kick BiL up the bum.

Nanny0gg · 16/01/2011 18:58

Allnightlong - the OP has mentioned that this has happened before and is foreseeable if not preventable. So she isn't being unreasonable.

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