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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was i foolish letting my 9 year old use the cash machine?

54 replies

vicki2010 · 16/01/2011 10:44

we went to tesco yesterday and there is a coffee shop upstairs,whilst enjoying a coffee my 9yr ds asked if he could get some football cards and not wanting to use my debit card for 50p transaction i thought i would let him go to the cash machine,just outside the store....he is very responsible for his age and his face lit up at the thought of such responsibility etc so off he went,waved at me from the door and re appeared within 3 minutes. Anyway,dh thinks i was very irresponsable to let him do this as anyone could have got hold of him and demanded pin number etc...what do you think aibu??

OP posts:
Punkatheart · 16/01/2011 10:48

It probably was a bit daft, Vicki - but there has been no harm done. There are some rotten people out there - sadly - they could have taken advantage of a child at the cashpoint.

We all do daft things - and get told off sometimes! Don't beat yourself up, though....

purpleknittingmum · 16/01/2011 10:48

I wouldn't let my 14 year old use a cash machine

pastapestofor6 · 16/01/2011 10:50

Yanbu I have done/do this, they have to learn these things I think. My dd 11 takes my card to get money out (with my permission) and its handy when they can do these things, also shows him you trust him wich is good for dc's self estime and confidence imo

usualsuspect · 16/01/2011 10:51

really, why wouldn't you let a 14 year old?

I think in a busy place like tesco letting a 9 year old is probably fine ...but I would be worried about him putting in the wrong pin

purpleknittingmum · 16/01/2011 10:53

becacuse like you say she could put in the wrong pin, and I wouldn't have her knowing my pin in the first place, and you just don't know what could happen, someone seeing a young child there could see her as an easy target

Violethill · 16/01/2011 10:54

Yes, you are foolish to let anyone else know your pin number, and it also invalidates any claim you might make if, for example, your account was hacked into.

If your 9 yr old is responsible and mature for his age, surely he's old enough to understand the simple intruction that a debit card is an important thing, and that the rules are, only the card holder knows the pin number. Apart from anything else, an important lesson for later on, when he has a debit card - you don't want him thinking its ok just to let someone else have the number just to conveniently take out a few quid for him

mutznutz · 16/01/2011 10:55

If he wanted the responsibility and to learn how to use it, I would have gone with him and not interfered....unless he put the wrong pin in or took to long to grab the card and money.

valleyqueen · 16/01/2011 10:55

My did is 12 and has her own cash card to use at a machine and on chip and pin. Why wouldn't a 14 year old be able to use a cash machine.

Regarding your 9 year old there was no harm done so yanbu we could all spend our whole lives worrying about what if.

pastapestofor6 · 16/01/2011 10:55

You wouldn't let your 14 year old pkm? Whyever not? (Genuinely curious)

ChippingIn · 16/01/2011 10:55

What's the worst thing that could happen putting in the wrong pin? At the very, very worst the machine would keep the card and that's only if they didn't have the sense to come back to you after the second try to check the pin.

I wouldn't have any problem with letting them do it - but tbh it would depend on what the area was like, nice area fine, a bit rough probably not.

Violethill · 16/01/2011 10:57

P.S of course, there is likely to be no harm done in this situation, but thats not the point. I also think its totally wrong to make this into a 'trust' issue, and claim that its 'good' for a child to be given your pin number so they feel trusted!!! There are plenty of legitimate ways to show a child you trust them. Telling them your pin number isn't one of them.

valleyqueen · 16/01/2011 10:57

Sorry was going to say that you should think carefully about giving him your pin in the future just in case. If tr worst did happen You may not have a claim.

usualsuspect · 16/01/2011 10:58

Its an inconvenience if you put in the wrong pin 3 times and the machine eats your card ...then you have to wait days to get it back...thats the only reason

pastapestofor6 · 16/01/2011 10:59

Every bugger in this house knows my pin! But they are my dc's I trust them implicitly so I don't see a problem?

usualsuspect · 16/01/2011 11:00

Every one in this house knows my pin ...I don't have a problem with it

purpleknittingmum · 16/01/2011 11:01

She has moments of being a tad 'scatty'

The first time she does use a card I expect either myself or my husband will make sure she is OK

I did actually consider this just recently but thought 'not just now, maybe later this year'

Original poster
vicki2010 · 16/01/2011 11:02

at the time i thought it was a good lesson to learning responsibility etc but actually maybe i am a bit naive? perhaps i should have just stood outside and watched him and actually yes perhaps he's not mature enough to be completely trusted with my pin...i suppose he could get carried away and 'tell' someone,who knows? i just feel that society has gone bonkers and kids cant breath these days,i remember being far more street wise at his age and did far worse! thanks for the input i'll pass it on to dh who will prob be happy he was 'right'!

OP posts:
mutznutz · 16/01/2011 11:02

My 19yr old son knows my pin and if I had to send my 11yr old to the cash point (if I really couldn't go myself) then I'd let him know it too...not a problem.

pastapestofor6 · 16/01/2011 11:03

Yes violet I absolutely take your point that there are many other ways to show you trust your dc's, its just that I choose using cash point as ONE of they ways I put trust in mine, works for me but dosent for everyone eh!

valleyqueen · 16/01/2011 11:05

My dd is as scatty as they come but she knows if she messes up the cash machine it's her cash that is lost. It's made her really responible with money as what is put in her account is her clothing allowance and anything that she wants outside birthdays and Xmas ie CDs, magazines etc

HattiFattner · 16/01/2011 11:05

on another forum I frequent, a mum had allowed this in he past. Then her oldest ds got into trouble and took all the money from the account, (plus various other things).

Violethill · 16/01/2011 11:08

Agree valley - my kids had their own cash cards from around 12, and its great way to trust them to keep their own pin number secret and to budget their own cash. Its a really valuable lesson. And I wouldn't dream of expecting to know their pin numbers - that's their property

RockChick1984 · 16/01/2011 11:12

I don't think it's an issue of trust, from age 11 he will be able to get a bank account of his own with a card and pin. The worry would be if something happened, eg someone watched him enter pin then stole the card, u would not be insured as you had voluntarily compromised your pin. I work in a bank and have asked my dh to get money out for me before now, but I also accept that if something went wrong I would have lost my money. An adult is much less likely to have something happen IMO, so it's a gamble I'm willing to take on occasion. If you feel same then fine, but if something would have happened would you be screaming blue murder if your bank account was emptied and there was no way to get the money back?

valleyqueen · 16/01/2011 11:12

I know dds pin, I should teach her how to change it actually.

LisasCat · 16/01/2011 11:13

I disagree about the trust vs. security of PIN issue. My DP knows my PIN, because I trust him. And yes, yes, yes, I know the bank would say that invalidates any applicable laws/paperwork.....but so do customs when they ask if you packed your own suitcase, but guess what, I'd let him put something in my case too! Some rules simply don't apply to people who you trust with your life. Trust outweights rules, in some cases.

When there's no one around I let my 3 year old DD enter my PIN at the cash point (I tell her the numbers, she finds them - it's practising her numeracy). She's learning about money, where it comes from, why it's not an infinite pot we can always tuck into for anything she wants, etc. As she gets older, I'll sit in the car, give her the card, and watch her. At such time as I feel confident in both her and the neighbourhood, I will let her do it out of my sight.

OP, you know more about the scenario in which you allowed this to happen. I would be inclined to believe that, if you felt happy with the area and your child, that was with good cause.