I don't know! Help me out here!

[MaureenMLove]

DD is 15. She's been out with her mates all day, since 10am. That's fine, she's been doing things with a friends family, not trawling the streets.

The plan was for her to go bowling this evening and I was going to pick her up at 9.30pm.

Neither DH or I really want to be going out much past then, to collect her. She is still only 15 and she's got years of going out and I fully accept that there will be times that I will be collecting at midnight or 1am, when she's older.

Anyway, she's having a paddy, because I won't budge on my hometime.

Now all the girl are going back to someones house and she's the only one not going and can someone elses dad drop her home. I know the dad, that's fine, but I still don't want her home at 11pm or whatever time she feels like it!

What do you think? Happy to be unreasonable, but not a complete nightmare of a mother please!

What's your reasoning for her not to go? I'd be inclined to allow her to stay out till 11pm with a definite lift home from the dad, and she'll appreciate that sometimes you will bend the rules for her rather than being completely rigid. She'll respect you for it.

Can you compromise? Pick her up at 10.30? I do think 9.30 is a bit early.
(And I'm old and old-fashioned!)

Oh god i feel your pain.

As soon as I saw it was you I knew theres no way YOU'D be unreasonable but no your not unreasonable - we also have a 15 year old ds who thinks he should come home later.....his curfew is 8.30 at the v latest if hes somewhere that requires a lift home.

We are entitled to Saturday evenings too and if a later curfew is needed its something that needs organising a few days/weeks before,besides which I always think the more you bend the more you always have to bend and it will one day just become accepted that you will drive out and pick them up at 11pm every saturday - Id stick to your plans Mo,if I were you.

Disclaimer this will make you the cruelest behind the times overprotective mum in the world .

TBH, I'm not really sure what my reasons are! I think it's just too much too young.

Jut waiting for her to confirm what time other dad is collecting.

9.30pm is late enough. And even if it wasn't it's the time you told her she had to come home.

If you back down now she will see it as a red light to bug you for a later curfew everytime. YANBU.

Blimey.. at 15 I was sneaking into the local pubs with fake ID... lol..

You have to let her grow up a bit and give her some responsibility, or she will end up lying and you wont know where she is!

Shit I am the mean mother .

Not that it applies to your DD, but I moved out at 16, so in that respect 9.30 could be a tad controlling?

But then I'm not a parent of a 15 YO, and I reserve the right to completely contradict myself when DD1 is there in 5 years time

If he needs a lift home ,yes.

we dont live in a v nice area and I need to know where he is,if hes local it can be as late as 9.30 but certainly no later unless hes in a house where I know the parents.

It's a one off, a Saturday, you know where she is, who she's with and how she's getting home so I don't see the problem.

I heart valley .

It's not a school night and she's being dropped off by somebody you trust. I'd be happy with that for DS who is also 15. If he's going to be out late, I always agree a time with him and he has to be in by then - no excuses - or he doesn't get to stay out next time he wants to.

Could you compromise and say she has to be in by 10 or 10.30?

It's Saturday night, no school tomorrow and you know that she's safe and who she's with. If she was out wandering the streets, that would be different. Let her go, go on.

Saying they have a curfew makes them sound as though they're being punished for breaking the law.

I dont call it a curfew to him I call it 'coming home before I come to get you time' '.

2130hrs on a school night is fine, but not at the weekend. Give her room to grow or she will just go anyway. I would have {grin}

I might be concerned if I didn't know who was bringing her home, but as you say you know the person I can't see the problem.

It's humiliating to be the one dragged away early at that age.

And no, I'm not one of those parents who wants to be popular with their DCs - we put our foot down about a lot, but this wouldn't be one of those times.

Yeah, go on, let her OP, you're just like so fucking square man

reason with her...say ok, if you stay out 1.5hrslater tonight then you come home 1.5hrs earlier next weekend...then await her response..

if she agrees, then stick to the agreement for the following weekend, she'll soon appreciate the curfew you give her