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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't know! Help me out here!

67 replies

MaureenMLove · 15/01/2011 19:48

DD is 15. She's been out with her mates all day, since 10am. That's fine, she's been doing things with a friends family, not trawling the streets.

The plan was for her to go bowling this evening and I was going to pick her up at 9.30pm.

Neither DH or I really want to be going out much past then, to collect her. She is still only 15 and she's got years of going out and I fully accept that there will be times that I will be collecting at midnight or 1am, when she's older.

Anyway, she's having a paddy, because I won't budge on my hometime.

Now all the girl are going back to someones house and she's the only one not going and can someone elses dad drop her home. I know the dad, that's fine, but I still don't want her home at 11pm or whatever time she feels like it!

What do you think? Happy to be unreasonable, but not a complete nightmare of a mother please!

OP posts:

AtYourCervix · 15/01/2011 20:01

oh so hard.

for completely selfish reasons (mostly wine) i hate having to pick up past 9pm.

can she get a cab?

BitOfFun · 15/01/2011 20:01

I think you should let her, too.

Flisspaps · 15/01/2011 20:01

YABU. It's not like it's every weekend (make this clear to her) but once in a while won't hurt.

charliesmommy · 15/01/2011 20:02

I always look at it this way.

There is safety in numbers. I preferred my stepdaughters to come home at the same time as their mates, than have to walk home earlier because I set an early curfew.

Its dangerous for a girl to be on her own at any time... much safer if she is with her mates.

BluddyMoFo · 15/01/2011 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlentyOfParsnips · 15/01/2011 20:03

Might be worth letting her this time but making it clear in no uncertain terms that in future late nights are to be properly pre-arranged.

Flisspaps · 15/01/2011 20:03

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

valleyqueen · 15/01/2011 20:04

I just text my DM to ask what time I had to be in at 15.

Her answer was "it was 10.30pm biy like you ever bloody well listened to me"

kinda blows my post to bits really

nickschick · 15/01/2011 20:04

Well you see Herbie that might explain my 'strictness' with my 15 year old - He has come home drunk.actually no he didnt come home drunk thankfully a neighbour saw him and told us and dh went and got him also he has a disability that hes finding hard to accept.

Even so though with the older ds I was still strict about in times and he appreciates that I was right as a lot of the mates that did stay out longer have since had trouble.

missalien · 15/01/2011 20:05

I would let her go , things have really changed here since my son turned 15 . If they can get home safely I dont mind really I find its better to pick my battles. I think they can be more grown up than we give them credit for.

AgentZigzag · 15/01/2011 20:05

I'm getting a bit excited for her, there's nothing like getting off to a party you thought you'd have to miss cos your mum says you can't go.

She'll have a fantastic time and'll do anything you ask for at least the next two days without complaining

nickschick · 15/01/2011 20:06

lol valley - I had it v differently I could have stayed out all night and nobody ever gave a shit in fact quite often id come home and find one of my stepfathers friends pissed up and in my bed .

WimpleOfTheBallet · 15/01/2011 20:06

I also think you're being too full-on...15s not THAT young...it is young yes...but in another year she' could be asking you in you'l gie permission to marry!(unlikely but legal)

Original poster

MaureenMLove · 15/01/2011 20:08

Thanks Nickschick.

I think she's hit the nail on the head actually. We are entitled to a Saturday evening too. We alll work hard during the week, so that we don't have to rush around all weekend.

You're absolutely right Nickschick! Planning is the key. It's the last minute changing of plans that piss me off! I'm perfectly happy to collect from a party at mdnight, because it's all pre-planned. Tonight is not. It's last minute.com!

OP posts:

herbietea · 15/01/2011 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PlentyOfParsnips · 15/01/2011 20:12

AgentZigzag I misread 'there's nothing like getting off to a party' as 'there's nothing like getting off at a party'

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh · 15/01/2011 20:12

I'd say yes on the condition that it's no later than 11, she doesn't drink and any other rules you see fit to impose. If she breaks them (obv not her fault if the dad's late) then there will be no next time.

It's someone's house so fairly safe.

Bobbiesmum · 15/01/2011 20:13

I think yabu. At 15 I was out clubbing and drinking and worse. My parents were strict and it just made me lie. She is being up front with you and 15 is fairly mature for a girl.
Btw I now have a dd of my own and think you are being very strict if she has the offer of a safe lift home.
On the other hand she could be lying her arse off like I did and is off clubbing!
(by the way I am now a respectable doctor so did me no harm)

nickschick · 15/01/2011 20:14

We lwet him have a drink at home and if he were at a party then yes a few wkds or beers is ok - not drunk just tipsy.

But this was I think a bit of a blow out following a diagnosis - I like to think he was just 'testing' the water perhaps pushing his luck but chances are hes 15 and was taking the Pi~** although he was only 14 at the time and it was the level of deceit that went with it.

Hey Mo bet you let her go .

brightlightsandpromises · 15/01/2011 20:15

I think you should let her go, and go and pick her up yourself.

AgentZigzag · 15/01/2011 20:15

Both of which are perfectly true parsnips

compo · 15/01/2011 20:17

' I fully accept that there will be times that I will be collecting at midnight or 1am, when she's older'

why?

my parents never picked me up at that time

if I was old enough to go to a nightclub then I was old enough to pay for a taxi home

there is no way I'll be picking up my kids at midnight

TroubledPrincess · 15/01/2011 20:17

I think YABU 9,30pm is VERY early for a 15 year old. I was out all hours at thta time and never came to any harm.

Chloe55 · 15/01/2011 20:18

I would def let her - saves you having to leave the warmth of your house and you know the person giving her a lift home. I was also out clubbing at 15, mum knew but trusted I was sensible and would often collect me from the club as she is opposed to taxis. I was sensible....most of the time

PlentyOfParsnips · 15/01/2011 20:19

You could say no this time but tell her if she wants a late night in the future she can as long as she plans it properly. You don't always have to agree either. If she's old enough to stay out late she's old enough to respect your plans too.

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