I don't know! Help me out here!

[MaureenMLove]

DD is 15. She's been out with her mates all day, since 10am. That's fine, she's been doing things with a friends family, not trawling the streets.

The plan was for her to go bowling this evening and I was going to pick her up at 9.30pm.

Neither DH or I really want to be going out much past then, to collect her. She is still only 15 and she's got years of going out and I fully accept that there will be times that I will be collecting at midnight or 1am, when she's older.

Anyway, she's having a paddy, because I won't budge on my hometime.

Now all the girl are going back to someones house and she's the only one not going and can someone elses dad drop her home. I know the dad, that's fine, but I still don't want her home at 11pm or whatever time she feels like it!

What do you think? Happy to be unreasonable, but not a complete nightmare of a mother please!

Bobbiesmum You've just made me remember that I was out clubbing at 15 too.

OMG. Is 9.30 early for a 15 year old then? I'm in for a rough time when my dd is 15! I had to be home by 8pm every night until I was 16. I wasn't even clubbing or in pubs but at a friend's house.

Op, I think it's important that your daughter sticks to arrangements she's made. If you can negotiate later curfews then cool. But you agreed 9.30 this time.

Things have changed since our day - at 17 I was living with a bouncer from our local night club - he was twice my age- nobody gave a shit about me.

In conrast my own 17 year old ds is upstairs studying and chatting to his mates and is studying for his A levels and has just been offered places at all 5 unis he applied to - he can go out and does and sometimes asks for a lift sometimes sorts his own way home out but always he phones me during the night and lets me know where he is.

Let her go! I was always the one not allowed out/ having to be home early and it was awful.

OMg a 15 year old with a curfew of 8.30. My 15 year old did not have a curfew I let him use his own judgement when he went out straight from school. The latest he came home was 9.30, or I collected him.

I agree 9.30 is early for a 15 year old who has been offered a lift.

nickschick...but I was in pubs at 15 and also had a much older Boyfriend at 17...I still went to bloody uni!

I think it probably depends where you live Fabby ......Good for you wimple im not saying you cant do stuff like uni and that -what I was meaning was that today especially its important to know where the dc are and what they are upto.

I dont think its a good thing to be in pubs at 15 tbh,although this isnt the situation Mo has described so its irrelevant.

nickshick It all depends on the teenager. I would have completely rebelled against really strict parents and I think a bit of leeway helped me get through the teenage years. My parents certainly weren't pushovers but they compromised.

Sorry, I really shouldn't have started this thread, whilst I'm being chippies mate, helping DH hang a bloody door!

I will read all your responses properly in a while.

Ultimately though, DD has text to say the girls are all being picked up at 10.30 and she'll be home shortly after that.

Just one post I noticed though - 9.30 on a school night is OK?? Over my dead body!!!

Oh good, you let her go.

I did, yes.

I will be explaining to her when she gets in though, that the reason I was being so definate about the time, was because she wa moving the goal posts.

She's good at doing that and I don't want it to get out of control. She's a good kid, but she needs to understand, that we all deserve a weekend and despite her thinking her parents are old gits, we have a life too!

I really wouldn't have minded picking her up at midnight, IF it had been arranged this morning, but I'd got my head around the first glass of wine at 9.30 fgs!

Still alls well, that end well, DD is being brough home by someone I know and trust, so I've got my wine early!

Special thanks to Nickschick - your first post was exactly what I was trying to say!

Thankyou all for your input.

At 15 I was out til late on weekends. Having said that - I dread dd doing this. DH and I have already agreed that we will always pick dd up, no matter what time - even at 4am.

It must be so hard to let go but if you don't compromise, she will lie and say she's staying at a friend's house, then go anyway. I wouldn't cave completely - maybe 10.30pm and you pick her up. Make it clear that in future you will only allow "late" nights if previously arranged, but remember, with teens plans change and exciting things come up.

That's reminded me, Princess S - we've stressed to DS (y11) that he should never be scared to call home no matter how late it is.

I'd rather we were dragged out of bed at 3am than him get into a fight, arrested or worse because he knew we'd give him hell for staying out.

He doesn't go out much atm, as it happens - think he's actually listened to us when we've said he needs to revise!

But I think this can be a problem if you're too unbending - teens can end up 1) lying and 2) in trouble because they're scared of the music they'll have to face if they find themselves having to 'fess up.

I think that as teenagers get older and have a more late-night social life, they need to be prepared to stump up for taxis if they haven't arranged for a lift. That's what the rest of us have to do.

That's a fair point - but we live in the sticks a rural area and it's impossible just to pick up a taxi.

Yes, I forget that sometimes. I think it's hard being a teenager (or a parent of one) in those situations.