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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

wish my friend would talk normally to her baby

34 replies

gruffalo5 · 15/01/2011 11:22

Ok, probably sound like a right grumpy moo but it's really beginning to bug me! My good friend of many years has a ds and she always talks to him in baby talk (very high, sing-song voice, made up words) ALL the time. He's 14months now and I thought it might be easing a bit but it's not. I have three dd and appreciate we all coo at them at times(esp when tiny) but this is like she's gone a bit batty. AIBU to find this so irksome?

OP posts:

stoppinchingthedummy · 15/01/2011 11:23

yanbu but i find myself doing this too sometimes - cant help it - do it to the dog too

5DollarShake · 15/01/2011 11:25

No. YANBU in the slightest.

mutznutz · 15/01/2011 11:25

No it bugs the life out of me too. I think it's hard enough for kids to learn to talk and make their needs known...especially to Nursery staff and other non family members without filling their heads with made up words.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 15/01/2011 11:25

My MIL STILL does this with my 6 year old! Of course my 6 year old laps it up.

MIL uses "the voice" whatever the occasion and it drives me mental at times!

onimolap · 15/01/2011 11:26

YANBU to find it irksome.

But research into early language acquisition shows that "motherese" has a very positive effect (as the exaggeration helps the infant distinguish meaningful sounds). So I think YWBU to criticise her for doing it.

Original poster

gruffalo5 · 15/01/2011 11:28

We spent a whole day together last week and by the afternoon I was biting my tongue not to say anything (not that I could imagine what I could possibly say that wouldn't sound really rude!) It's so irritating especially when she totally switches to her normal voice when talking to me. It's like some kind of wierd alter ego! Any ideas on what I could gently say or is this Very Bad Idea? It's actually putting me off spending time together...

OP posts:

humanheart · 15/01/2011 11:30

YABU. leave them to it, it's their business. i still talk to my dd in an incomprehensible language now and again and she's 23. even recorded it on one of her birthday cards once. why should it be a problem for you?

pointydog · 15/01/2011 11:30

I can see that it would be irritating but the child can benefit from hearing baby-talk. Maybe your friend has read about this, maybe it just comes naturally to her.

You need to bite your tongue.

mutznutz · 15/01/2011 11:31

For the last 3yrs the Nursery teachers at my local Infant school have described the intake as being 'the worst yet for non speaking children'...meaning their vocabulary is becoming more and more limited.

I suspect this has more to do with the parents not interacting with them as much as they should...but all the same made up words are not going to help.

verytellytubby · 15/01/2011 11:31

YANBU. My friend's husband does it and it makes me feel a bit ill

Original poster

gruffalo5 · 15/01/2011 11:32

I know, a part of me does feel AIBU to think it but it's so irksome and maybe it's also because she is just the kind of person, who before being a mum, would have find this really annoying in other people

OP posts:

allnightlong · 15/01/2011 11:33

YABU it really doesn't effect your family so whats the point in being annoyed.

animula · 15/01/2011 11:33

I wouldn't say anything.

"Saying something" is basically you assuming the authority to tell her how she relates to her child. It's telling her that, if she wants to spend time with you, she has to behave in ways that you like.

That is massively rude, and a little bit master/slave.

I'm sure you don't want to do that.

Just bite your tongue. It'll stop.

coldtits · 15/01/2011 11:33

Made up words do help, cooing at babies is instinctive and that's why we do it, and you will notice that abbies and toddlers adore it - they listen harder, interact for longer, and concetrate more when the adult is cooing than when the adult is 'speaking normally.'

werewolf · 15/01/2011 11:33

I thought this was motherese and a good thing?

pointydog · 15/01/2011 11:33

Do you know all about the harm of using made-up words, mutz? Do you know quite a bit about speech development in babies?

BluddyMoFo · 15/01/2011 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coldtits · 15/01/2011 11:34

maybe she is secretly appalled at ythe way you seem 6to have little business meetings with your children rather than speaking to them in a loving way?

allnightlong · 15/01/2011 11:34

animula I totally agree no one has the right to tell you how to speak and react to your DC just because you find it irksome!

mutznutz · 15/01/2011 11:35

I can't see how made up words help...especially when you think that a Nursery teacher or anyone minding the child might not have a clue what they're asking for...this can lead to a very stressed out child throwing a major tantrum.

OP I would never say anything to her as it would be rude...as much as it bugs you, it's not your child.

mutznutz · 15/01/2011 11:36

No pointydog but on the other hand if any point of view put forward on MN was only from professional experts...this would be called 'Professional Net' would it not?

pagwatch · 15/01/2011 11:37

As the mother of a child who has had 14 years of speech therapy - sing song voice is good for kids !That is why the telly tubbies spoke as they did, sing song rhyming tones for burgeoning speech.

And at the very least the increasing number of children with speech difficulties suggests that we should let a parent interact with their child as they see fit - it is better than not interacting at all.

TBH i think sometimes the desire to talk like an adult to a child is a form of misplaced intellectual snobbery.

pagwatch · 15/01/2011 11:39

made up words, for a 14month old, are not a problem.

at that age the interaction, the give and take of communication is way more important than individual word construction

lazylula · 15/01/2011 11:40

YANBU to find it 'irksome' or irritating ect, but it really is none of your business how she talks to her child and you would be BU to say anything, so should continue to bite your tongue!

allnightlong · 15/01/2011 11:40

munt I agree that baby talk is not great for childrens speech development and proper pronunciation in older children (although I sure I read somewhere once it actually can help them hear and repeat sounds back) if spoken to like that all day and night but OP isn't concerned with the childs speech it's more about it making her cringe.

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