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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you think a baby will not impact on your social life

66 replies

wishingforcrystalball · 14/01/2011 19:27

you are living in cloud cuckoo land.

I was having a chat with friend who is pregnant who isn't going out at the moment as 35 weeks and tired, 'It's hard to adjust to children, but social events change.'

Her response 'oh no nothing will change in the summer I will go to pubs and sit in the beer garden, and any socialsing I do now I will continue to do with baby in tow.'

AIBU to think this is not the case, and this will be a huge shock to her, or did others find there was no impact on their social life?

OP posts:
stoppinchingthedummy · 14/01/2011 19:28

no yanbu it will be a shock for her ,i have friends like this too Grin

Flisspaps · 14/01/2011 19:29

YABU.

I have a friend with a very young baby who doesn't appear to go out any less now than before, he goes off to nanny's for the night if she goes out.

I however, have practiacally become a hermit since DD was born, and I like it that way.

Chil1234 · 14/01/2011 19:30

YANBU... something will probably have to give. But I do know people who don't let children impact on their lives, take them everywhere and seem to carry on regardless and I rather admire them! The antithesis to the 'martyr' parenting style :)

MrsChemist · 14/01/2011 19:30

Tiny babies, on the whole, are easy to cart around after you. It's when they are toddlers that sitting in beer gardens will lose it's appeal quickly.

BitOfFun · 14/01/2011 19:31

It depends what the social life is like to start with, I suppose. It doesn't necessarily have to change all that much. But she won't want the baby in tow all the time, that I can confidently predict.

Cappster · 14/01/2011 19:31

I'm with MrsChemist

while they're still in a car seat you're laughing

but when they're 6 and 10 and moaning their heads off...

Particles · 14/01/2011 19:31

Well at least she's optimistic! We still manage nights out as have lovely friends and family to babysit but it takes preparation and planning and long summer afternoons in beer gardens are a thing of the past, as is "popping out for one" after work on a Friday! To put it simply, I can't do "spontaneous" anymore! But I am allowed out of my cave for special occasions!

xfirsttimemummyx · 14/01/2011 19:31

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traceybath · 14/01/2011 19:32

Depends on the baby.

DS2 I could have done that as he was such an easy baby.

DS1 and DD - ummm no.

Good luck to her though - I so remember that magical time when pregnant with dc1 when I was full of such lovely dreams Wink

Imarriedafrog · 14/01/2011 19:33

This reply has been deleted

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samay · 14/01/2011 19:34

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MsKLo · 14/01/2011 19:34

Women who are pregnant with first baby - yes they have funny dreams

And annoying ideas!

BendyBob · 14/01/2011 19:35

Yanbu but just nod and smile.

For me it wasn't so much an impact as total annihilation at one pointGrin

Original poster
wishingforcrystalball · 14/01/2011 19:37

BendyBob that is oh so true Grin

OP posts:
saffy85 · 14/01/2011 19:39

YABU- sort of.

Your friend can ofcourse go out to the pub and sit in the garden with the baby in tow- I used to. Emphasise on used to. Baby will be fine in the pram or being bounced on someones lap and if it's a happy baby like my DD was people will smile and coo at it.

BUT once baby finds it's feet that's it. No more relaxing last minute trips to the pub coz you're on your feet the whole time trying to stop your baby getting into mischeif. Been there, done that. Your friend will find this out one day fairly soon.

newmum001 · 14/01/2011 19:39

Dp's friends are having a baby and he made a joke that the guy should chuck his xbox out now as he won't have time to go on it. The GF got extremely defensive saying nothing will change etc that he will be able to go on the xbox as much as he does now. I have a 4 month old and personally can not wait for their baby to be born. They are in for one hell of a shock!

runningrach · 14/01/2011 19:39

Yes YABU, if she has the type of social life that she can take a small baby along to then why shouldn't she. I knwo plenty of people whose infants had quite the social life. I have a 6wk old and we still go out for meals and the same sort of places we did before, even though I'm still a bit knackered form the birth and getting used to feeding and being up all night. We never went to clubs or posh bars/restaurants in the first place. Agree with others it gets harder when they become less portable.

You sound pretty jealous to me, why are you so desperate for your friend to have a miserable outlook?

fruitful · 14/01/2011 19:41

I could have done it with ds2 as a baby - but by then I had a 6yo and a 3yo so couldn't anyway. And dd and ds1 definitely didn't put up with me having a social life when they were babies.

Although I was so exhausted when they were small that I didn't want a social life. There is that aspect, too. When dd was 3mo some friends pestered dh and me until we agreed to them babysitting while we went out for a meal. I remember sitting looking at dh in the restaurant thinking "I'm too tired to talk to you, what on earth have we done?". We were home by 9pm.

Most things about having your first baby are a huge shock, tbh.

runningrach · 14/01/2011 19:41

I really hate when some smug parents think they know better and that everyone else will have the same experience they do.

MrsRhettButler · 14/01/2011 19:42

Yabu obviously depends on the social life you have and maybe on the child but I can honestly say that mine hasn't really changed since having dd now 5

runningrach · 14/01/2011 19:42

that was a general comment from me btw not aimed at fruitful who just happened to post in the middle of my two (and had interesting comments!)

MadamDeathstare · 14/01/2011 19:43

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fluffles · 14/01/2011 19:44

well our social life generally revolves around ALL of our friends' small children.. i can't see much change if we have one of our own (except that we might be slightly less irratated by our own, or at least have some kind of hormone thing that makes us love them anyway Grin)

warthog · 14/01/2011 19:45

yes - maybe with a baby but not with a whining toddler.

good luck to her.

YummyorSlummy · 14/01/2011 19:47

Samay, you sound so cool! Envy

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