to think that if you think a baby will not impact on your social life

[wishingforcrystalball]

you are living in cloud cuckoo land.

I was having a chat with friend who is pregnant who isn't going out at the moment as 35 weeks and tired, 'It's hard to adjust to children, but social events change.'

Her response 'oh no nothing will change in the summer I will go to pubs and sit in the beer garden, and any socialsing I do now I will continue to do with baby in tow.'

AIBU to think this is not the case, and this will be a huge shock to her, or did others find there was no impact on their social life?

Horton

"I didn't realise that when you are at at home all day being TALKED AT by a toddler who will not be quiet for one second, the only thing you want in the evening is some peace and quiet and the last thing you want is to talk to any other people, no matter how much you like them."

Ah, so very true.

I know people who've maintained some semblance of a social life pretty well with babysitters and taking turns with their partners to step out, but personally I just wanted quiet and sleep in the gaps when they slept for... uh well three years and counting!

My niece (18 months) has been to more cricket games and football/rugby matches than I have in my life. She seems to visit the pub more often than me too.

I think with one your life doesn't necessarily have to change too much depending on what you like to do. My sister's pregnant again and already mentioned that this one will change their life far more than her first.

YANBU - and she will learn, bless her

She might be right. Didn't impact on me until DD1 was crawling. Used to load her into the car in the evening and drive to meet DH at work. She slept under the table in the pub or in a restaurant. Now we have 3 it's more of an impact, mainly that DH and I go out together less often. Two were home births so the party went on from the moment of birth - had midwives drinking champagne (end of shift!) and mates turning up with curry an hour after DD2 was born. Might explain her huge social confidence?!

ROFLYSST I too thought that, i had my mum who is the best babysitter ever thinking oh my mum will take DD and i can go out and see my friends etc. smack down to earth with a bump, fiances will only allow rare nights out and although my mum will take DD any night i ask (and some nights she asks) come the weekend im too knackered to do anything but eat malteasers on the sofa. We do bring DD out as much as we can but her 7 oclock bedtime makes it quite restrictive. i think alot of people pregnant with their first imagine that situation but the reality is much different

I wouldnt say having a child has had that much impact on my social life. I still go out and have long afternoons in beer gardens, drinking with my friends, shopping trips etc. I have a very busy social life and having children hasnt changed it at all really, and my daughter is nearly 3.

I dont see why having a child has to change what you did before as you are still a person in your own right, so think she should go out and enjoy yourself.

Sitting on the fence over this one. Otoh a very active adult-type social life could be difficult to maintain, otoh some people seem to think you can't do anything with a baby- can't travel, can't do outdoors stuff, can't socialise. Looking back I have done all those things with young children and other family members have done far more (e.g. regularly taking toddlers across Europe on the train).

Even with a baby/toddler I did more museum visiting and hill walking than I did soft play. I just had to work harder to ensure that the toddler was having a good time.

noodle69 out of interest, how do you manage to have long afternoons in beer gardens, drinking with friends and going on shopping trips, with a 3yo? I mean, is she in nursery or does she come with you? Does she amuse herself or does she interupt you constantly? Does she enjoy browsing round shops or does she whine and pull away all the time?

Sorry that's a real barrage of questions, I am not being sarky, I am genuinely
interested how that works with a 3yo as I couldn't do it with mine!

I took DD(2yo) to pubs and restaurants as soon as my stitches had healed. Still do, only to slightly different pubs (beer garden, fenced off, big sticks = hours of peace) and restaurants (brightly lit, wipe clean floors, no couples trying to propose to one another).

However, had my social life pre kids consisted of eating cold pizza under bright lights followed by drinking large gins in the pub in order to be lubricated enough by 8 when you have to leave, then no, it would not have changed.

Thankfully this was not the case. The social life I had could not possibly have accommodated a baby or small child of any age.

Hellinarcher - I work in a nursery and she comes with me when I am working, but when I am not in work we go to bars/restaurants a lot in the afternoons. I socialise with mostly child care workers so we are used to it I suppose. I am not the cafe, groups type of mum as I am playing with her all day when I am at work so when I finish the shift I prefer doing other things.

Always best to carry around things to play with eg crayons, colouring pad, special toy etc. (I have a large handbag!) Like going to bars/pubs/restaurants with soft play areas or outdoor play areas if in the beer garden. Have been known to have a drink and some food and then go down the slide in to the ball pool with all my friends and my daughter to.

She doesnt whine and pull away but then mine and my friends job is to distract kids and occupy them so when we are all together between us we do it. I just make everything in to a game and a laugh and that always keeps the children occupied.

When my husband is off/mum and dad take her I do get lots of nights out without her to just socialise with friends as well. I go clubbing a lot as well. I dont get tired though as I am a relatively young mum so I am still in the few hours sleep, burn candle at both ends mindset. (speaking from someone who last night got in at 3am but got up at 7.15 today! Its not difficult when your used to doing it).

I will also add my friends and I are probably very immature sometimes! We used to go to the funhouse adults nights and drink and go in the ball pools/slides before she was born!

We all go in with my daughter and sometimes I do think we must look like weirdos lol. I have had my brother, me and all my friends in there with her whilst all the other children are just on their own. I just see my daughter as part of my social group.

My bf was adamant that her life would not change. Her ds is 4 and she does still have her 2 seater sportscar. But it doesn't get driven much!

She was constantly critical of me for 7 years before she had her ds - I didn't go out enough without my dd. Actually I did go about probably twice a month on average. BF did not go out without her ds at all for over a year, and now manages maybe once every 3 to 6 months...

DD2 and I were in the pub when she was 17 hours old. I had cranberry juice though, so a small change there...she had milk.

It depends on you, your baby and your social life. People should basically do what works and suits them - and bear in mind that whatever your baby is like, it won't be like that forever anyway.
When my DS was a baby, I spent a fair amount of time taking him to pubs and letting him sleep in his buggy, when he got a bit older I was more inclined to leave him with his dad or grandparents when I wanted to go out, now he is 6 and it varies - some socialising I do is not suitable or enjoyable for him, so he stays with dad/grandparents, sometimes I have a word with whoever is hosting whatever I've been invited to as to whether the event is child-friendly and whether any other guests are bringing theirs.

I think it's all a horses for courses kind of thing. I think there's probably very few people who have a baby and then instantly just want to go out and get pissed with their friends every night.

But I think there are LOADS of people who have their first child and then adapt their social life accordingly, ie take baby everywhere and still have a good semi decent time. Particularly if they have an easy baby. I know we did, as we were the first of our group of friends (by about 10 years!) to have a baby. Sometimes, people like to whinge about how hard having a baby is a liiiitle bit too much!

its denial, when i was pregnant i remeber thinking people exagerated the tiredness i could roll around laughing thinking of that now and the zombie i was for six weeks fortunately my ds sleeps like a angel at six months.

i know parents whose whole life has become about the children one said that nothing but childrens tv should be on til nine at night and two weeks after giving birth i had my first night out at a barbeque with dh and ds we had a drink and there was family with us to help out someone said to me remember you have a baby now i think my response was yes i remeber my fanjo tear is still healing from it thanks.