Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to think that if you think a baby will not impact on your social life

66 replies

wishingforcrystalball · 14/01/2011 19:27

you are living in cloud cuckoo land.

I was having a chat with friend who is pregnant who isn't going out at the moment as 35 weeks and tired, 'It's hard to adjust to children, but social events change.'

Her response 'oh no nothing will change in the summer I will go to pubs and sit in the beer garden, and any socialsing I do now I will continue to do with baby in tow.'

AIBU to think this is not the case, and this will be a huge shock to her, or did others find there was no impact on their social life?

OP posts:

Original poster

wishingforcrystalball · 14/01/2011 19:47

No not jealous - I posted here to see whether I was being wrong in my thoughts, and have been proven wrong by some people.

Maybe I am being judgemental in as much as if I was going to the pub after work for drinks, I wouldn't think 'oh i will carry on doing this when I have a baby'.

Maybe its the pub and baby link I have thought over.

OP posts:

cobbledtogether · 14/01/2011 19:48

I remember once having a conversation with someone about how I would relax in the garden with baby resting gently on a blanket while I sipped wine.

Shame I gave birth to a colicky screaming reflux baby. Otherwise it could have been so beautiful.

I'd just leave her to it. And remind her that she said it.

Original poster

wishingforcrystalball · 14/01/2011 19:49

No way would I ever say 'i told you so'. I did just nod and smile at the time.

OP posts:

TickettyBoo · 14/01/2011 19:52

YANBU - however, she may well go in the beer garden, but suddenly will be aware of so many things such as baby changing facilities/needs, is it hot/cold, are there people smoking/being noisy, when does baby need feeding etc etc lol, it's do-able but not quite as simple perhaps! :)

cupofteaplease · 14/01/2011 19:52

I mananged to enjoy the summer dd1 was born and spent many a lazy afternoon with friends in various beer gardens. It was when dd2 came along and dd1 was a toddler that it all went to pot!

However, I still go on many nights out, I just have to organise for dh to stay at home or for the children to have a babysitter or go to my mum's on the odd occasion. If you want to have an active social life, I believe it is still achievable with children.

TuttoRhino · 14/01/2011 19:56

Ah let her have her dreams while she's still pregnant. I had some lovely ones. Sadly my velcro baby didn't oblige in helping me fulfill them.

DilysPrice · 14/01/2011 20:00

Babies yes, toddlers no.

But that said, I have a theory that if you put your mind to it you can pick one thing from your previous life, be that travel, social life, career, music festivals, X-Box, and preserve it as long as you are sufficiently determined and prioritise it over any "nice to have". Obviously money, health and family support helps, with them then you can save two things, without them even one becomes a struggle.

LeQueen · 14/01/2011 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaVoo · 14/01/2011 20:08

YABU, but only in that we all think and say stupid things when we're pregnant with our first. I know I did and I'm currently enjoying listening to the things my pregnant friend says. Apparently she can't wait for the baby to be born so that she can get her life back [hollow laugh].

Give her a break. She'll learn soon enough.

TragicallyHip · 14/01/2011 20:11

Um maybe they are just too tired LeQueen

I had a very active social life before Ds and thought that I would keep this up after he was born.

I was just too god damn tired and not really in a sociably mood half the time.

Just takes time to adjust sometimes!

BendyBob · 14/01/2011 20:11

Actually I do remember going to a restaurant with dd as a baby with thoughts that nothing needed to drastically change and all was calm and controlled.

It drastically changed alright within 2 minutes of our food arriving right on cue with a massive meltdown from dd. We bolted the food and left pdq.

Then later, when dd was 3 and dt's arrived, I gave up

No, actually we did still go out (only occasionally, to remain in touch with the outside world) but it was a military operation involving hours of bag packing and lugging about of distraction-type toys and bribes and drinks.

Then furtive reconnaissance missions by dh through windows to see if the place could cope with us all. Once inside rearranging furniture and chairs and sitting by doors and tripping over other diners and generally causing a huge embarassing kerfuffle.

Then praying one, two or all three wouldn't kick off in the allotted time we'd be there. Blimey it was stressful.

northerngirl41 · 14/01/2011 20:33

We have a friend like her - it's really irritating and truly boring for the poor child. Every blooming time we all get together, having found babysitters and glammed up she turns up with her (uninvited) 10 year old.

One of the more charitable members of the group even offered to have the son round to play with her son in the evening. Response: "Oh no, he's no trouble really and it'll probably be a late night anyway, I'd just like to go straight home".

The poor kid is bored to tears by all the mummy chat, we don't really get the chance to let our hair down and we've all stopped inviting her.

Let's see how long her social life stays sociable if she insists on bringing the baby everywhere...

brightlightsandpromises · 14/01/2011 20:37

This reminds me of my boss when his wife was pregnant telling us that he didn't think his lifestyle would change at all after having a baby!! We were literally rolling on the floor laughing! Poor deluded sod

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/01/2011 20:40

Up until 3-4 months it is possible to just take the baby anywhere. They sleep, don't need much entertaining and can't move.

Then it gets harder!

BertieBotts · 14/01/2011 20:51

Oh yes, babies are very portable. Stick them in a sling or a car seat and get on with your life - once they're crawling/walking/awake for more time than asleep you're fucked, really.

She's clearly not thinking beyond the newborn stage here.

altinkum · 14/01/2011 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Horton · 14/01/2011 20:56

I could and did take DD to pubs etc as a baby where appropriate (not smoky or loud places etc and only ones that really didn't mind). But there were certainly things I just didn't much feel like after I had her.

When she was tiny I hadn't previously realised that I would need to be with her almost as much as she needed to be with me. Obviously not everyone feels like this and I do think it might be a form of hormonal madness in a way.

And I also hadn't properly realised that she might be really upset by being left with other people (even when she knew them really well and I absolutely trusted them and only for a shortish time).

I also didn't realise that she'd refuse to ever take a bottle and wouldn't drink more than about 50ml of liquid in a day (and never milk) from ANY kind of container other than my breast until she was well over a year old. Somehow when you are worrying about your baby being thirsty, a drink after work seems like a lot less of an attractive option.

I didn't realise that when she first started talking, other people would have literally no idea what she was on about and I would be the only person in the world she could actually talk to and be completely understood.

I didn't realise that when you are at at home all day being TALKED AT by a toddler who will not be quiet for one second, the only thing you want in the evening is some peace and quiet and the last thing you want is to talk to any other people, no matter how much you like them.

I didn't know that I'd have a complete velcro baby, either, who developed separation anxiety at about three months and still doesn't seem to have entirely got over it at four.

I didn't know how much I'd want to be near her and just be able to pop up and see her little sleeping face at night, either.

It can't be denied that my social life has lessened since having a child. But it also can't be denied that I wouldn't actually want the same social life I had before her any more. Having a baby totally changed me.

PS OP, YANBU!

lovechoc · 14/01/2011 21:00

sounds like your friend has a big shock coming her way...

Honeybee79 · 14/01/2011 21:04

Depends on (a) what your social life was like before and (b) what your baby is like.

You can take a small baby to the pub. But personally I think it's unrealistic not to expect to have to make some changes to your socialising. And I found I wanted to make some changes - wanted to stay in more basically.

emiwo · 14/01/2011 22:10

I used to work 60/70 hour weeks before my DS was born. Hes now 9months and iv got far more of a social life then ever before and baby is in tow

AlpinePony · 14/01/2011 22:13

YABU.

I don't feel I've lost my social life at all. Perhaps this is the advantage of being fecking ancient - I did all my partying long ago. But my newborn was out at restaurants at under a month old. Can't see what all the palava is about tbh.

StartingAfresh · 14/01/2011 22:17

Well having a baby didn't change my life one bit!

But that was because my life has always been chaos, with no routine or plans or even managing to do the same thing for very long.

A baby certainly didn't turn that upside down!

BoobyMcLeaky · 14/01/2011 22:30

Horton I think you're me in three years time!

I know someone like this, her social life hasn't changed. She doesn't take the baby with her though, just leaves her with IL's.

To be honest I probably go out more now than I did before - so many coffee mornings, so little time

tigitigi · 14/01/2011 22:45

Horses for courses. We take ours pretty much anywhere (and they are toddlers now) and get a sitter when we can't (very late etc), any restrictions are down to work not babies. For various reasons mine have adapted to less than ideal scenarios in terms of where they were during the day (one time we spent 5 weeks going every day to hospital for 12 hours a day) they were always with me and never caused me a moments hassle.

Mind you although mine were bottle babies i'm not a big take the whole house with me in the changing bag person, and guess if I were it would have been more difficult. I sometimes wonder whether, if I ever have no 3 they will be a completely different baby who will not let me leave the house at all!!

Booandpops · 14/01/2011 22:56

Horton

If I had quid for all the little things I took for granted before having kids I'd be living on some paradise island right now!! You cant turn the clock back but oh Its so fun to laugh at the niavity of those that think they can. Hee he'ee

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread