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Original poster

To be shocked 90% of Down's babies are aborted?

575 replies

Strictly · 14/01/2011 09:20

I was jut reading this sorry, yes it's from the DM!

and then did a little Googling and it turns out 91% of people told their baby has DS will have an abortion... Shock

I'm just astounded it's so high. I'm not making a judgment on the idea people might abort, but am very shocked that it seems almost universal to abort if told the baby has Down's.

I wonder what it is about that particular condition that 91% of people feel they could not live with? The rates for abortions of Cerebral Palsy babies for example is nowhere near as high. Is it just that Down's is easy to detect so the majority of people actually get the chance to decide?

OP posts:
midori1999 · 16/01/2011 19:45

I agree with what is being said. It is the baby people imagined having that is 'much wanted', not the baby they got, or they would have had it.

People never say 'I terminated the pregnancy or would terminate the pregnancy because I couldn't stand the worry of whether I would miscarry before term', they say they 'couldn't cope with a child with DS' or 'it wouldn't be fair on siblings' or similar.

I also think there is a huge difference between someone choosing to end a pregnancy because they don't want a certain child (and I am not talking about conditions whoch are always incompatble with life) and someone who loses a child and can't do a damn thing about it.

goingdownhill · 16/01/2011 19:57

MY DAUGHTER AS SHE WAS WAS VERY MUCH WANTED. JUst because I chose not to subject her to a life of pain and suffering does not for a second mean we did not want her.

I only wish she had something like downs and we would never of terminated for that reason. We terminated because I did not want her to suffer pain, seizures and not even having the brain function to have a sense of self. Do not dare suggest that she was not wanted. I have spent the last nine days contemplating suicide because all I want is to be with her. As I have a 2, 3 and 4 year old I can't take that get out.

For the record I think me putting my desire to have her here before her suffering is a thousand times more selfish than the choice we made. The person suffering now is me. I would rather that any day than my daughter.

mathanxiety · 16/01/2011 20:00

WRT taking care of the DS child for all of his or her life - it is highly recommended that once a DS child reaches adulthood they are placed, if at all possible, in some sort of appropriate housing just as other children of the family would be expected to move out once they become adults. It is important for people with DS not to be treated as perpetual children.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 16/01/2011 20:16

goingdownhill Sad. Are you getting any support? I am sorry you are having such a dreadful time.

midori1999 · 16/01/2011 20:21

Goingdownhill, I am very sorry for your loss, it sounds like you have been through a dreadful time.

I apologise sincerely if you found my post insensitive, I should have been more clear about what I meant, but I was not referring to people in your type of situation at all, this thread was about people terminating because of DS.

2shoes · 16/01/2011 20:23

goingdownhill please don't think any of my posts were directed at you as they wern't.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 16/01/2011 20:25

Going downhill, I'm sure NO-ONE meant you, you sound exceptionally selfless and caring!

expatinscotland · 16/01/2011 20:28

none of my posts were directed at you, either, goingdownhill, so apologies.

when i started on this thread it was about people with DS and then i went away for the weekend and came back to it.

2shoes · 16/01/2011 20:29

WorzselMummage Sun 16-Jan-11 19:26:55
That depends on your definition of life I guess.

that has to be one of the most offensive posts I have read.

goingdownhill · 16/01/2011 20:29

Thank you MrsDV. I really haven't wanted to talk to anyone at all. Nobody can say anything that can bring her back and that is the only thing I want.

It makes me so angry that according to some I had a "choice". A choice between terminating or watching her die a slow and painful death after a life of no understanding. Some flipping choice.

I have no fear of disability my DS has autism so I very much know that having a disability in no way defines a person. I love him unconditionally and would not change him to NT if I had the power as I would lose the essence of who he is.

I don't even know why I am having this argument.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 16/01/2011 20:33

Probably because this thread has upset you so much going. It is one thing for us to theorise and discuss on the ethics of termination and the social and medical models of disability. It is another for a grieving mother like yourself to have to read it.

I lost a DD, she was 14 years old. I do not think my grief is anymore important or painful than yours. We have both lost our daughters and we want them with us.

goingdownhill · 16/01/2011 20:40

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. The loss of a child is the worst thing in the world. I think I have gone slightly mad. I am normally the most placid and none confrontational person you could meet. Yelling at people on internet forums is not my usual thing!

slightlycrumpled · 16/01/2011 20:44

goingdownhill I am so very sorry about your baby girl. Your sadness and pain must be overwhelming.X

midori1999 · 16/01/2011 20:49

goingdownhill, have they offered you a bereavement midwife to talk to? I would never have considered it, but she happened to ring me on a bad day after I lost my girls and I burst into tears on the phone and arranged an appointment. We didn't really talk about much, I just went through everything that had happened with her and it did help to just get it all out. Maybe that's an option for you if your hospital have one?

GORGEOUSX · 16/01/2011 20:51

Just want to say I can't imagine the pain you must be in - I'm so sorry for your losses and hope that your friends and family are a support to you both. BIG CYBER HUGS

goingdownhill · 16/01/2011 20:53

Midori I am not sure about a specific bereavement midwife, I have the community midwife coming tomorrow so I shall ask. I was very lucky that our local hospital were incredibly supportive. I was in there for 5 days after Alexandra was born as I suffered a ruptured uterus and an EMCS after her induction went wrong. We were treated with nothing but kindness and sympathy which I know is a much more positive experience than alot of people.

midori1999 · 16/01/2011 20:57

Do ask, I wouldn't have considered it but it really helped. Our local one contacted me herself, she only deals with bereaved mothers now and is specially trained. It did take her several weeks though. I am sure your midwife would know or be able to find out for you. I know it doesn't change anything, but I found talking got things a bit clearer in my head.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 16/01/2011 20:58

going grief can make us feel mad. We are not, we are reacting naturally to the most unnatural event - the loss of a child.
Do you mind me asking - you dont have to answer, did this happen very recently? Your children are close in age and you cant have had much time to process all that has happened to you.

goingdownhill · 16/01/2011 21:07

Alexandra was born nine days ago. We knew for 7 weeks that she had severe abnormalities. We continued as I wanted to know exactly the level of her problems. I was referred to the Fetal Medical Centre in Birminghan who were excellent, but every test, MRI etc all took time and as all of this was ongoing over christmas and new year it all seemed to go on and on. Her conditions were difficult to diagnose as they are very rare. I just knew that for me personally termination was my absolute last resort. I had to try everything and be 100% sure about her prognosis. People could not understand why we kept going when we knew but alot of it for me was that I didn't want to let her go. Everyday since I have questioned my decision. In my logical part I know we did but in my heart I am tortured and always will be.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 16/01/2011 21:22

*going Sad it is all so new and raw for you. No wonder this thread has upset you. You have been through such a terrible trauma, I am so sorry.

Reading your posts it seems impossible to me that you wouldve have made your decision out of anything but love for your daughter.

Words seem so inadequate, I am just so sorry.

lastresort · 16/01/2011 22:18

goingdownhill- I had similar situation to you. And it was awful . After coming home from the hospital I walked round the house in circles, almost like a cat looking for her kittens, IYSWIM.
What helped me was making a special box of things that I had belonging to DD....a tiny pair of shoes that I just couldn't resist whilst out shopping whilst pregnant, photos that the hospital staff took for us and a copy of her hand and footprints.
At the time it was no comfort, but over he years, I have opened the box and smiled at the contents, and it does help, sort of.

BuzzLightBeer · 16/01/2011 23:09

so sorry for you downhill Sad please do try to ignore the posters who pontificated on situations like yours as they are furiously denouncing themselves now.
You just have to keep telling yourself that you made the best decision out of love.

expatinscotland · 17/01/2011 01:16

going, i am so sorry. your situation is so sad. i have known mrs devere, and also 2shoes, wannabe, riven, eidsvold and others throughout the years. my own child is afflicted with disabilities well compatible with life but no test to detect them antenatally.

i'm sorry if you've been hurt by this. it was started to discuss children with Down's Syndrome.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/01/2011 06:16

Buzz, jumping up and down with glee and shit stirring is not becoming..

BuzzLightBeer · 17/01/2011 10:51
Hmm
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