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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like DS has been unnecessarily told off

35 replies

IloveJackWhite · 13/01/2011 20:59

I'm so upset - DS is only 17m and loves running around. We live in rented flat and neighbours below (also tenants - who moved in knowing kids were in here,after us) have banged on their ceiling twice tonight in response, I think, to DS running around.

He goes to bed at 7.30 so it's not like it's late and he's just excited to see his Daddy for 1hr before bed. I feel so upset and as though he's been reprimanded. DH is not getting why I feel this way and doesn't care what they did as we aren't in the wrong.

I feel like we're letting our son down not having a place where he can be free to do what he likes (within reason!) in his own home and that our neighbours have been unreasonable. AIBU?

OP posts:
Aims80 · 13/01/2011 21:01

If they can't politely knock on your door if there is an issue then ignore them. You could be partying late into the night so they should count themselves lucky..

BusyMissIzzy · 13/01/2011 21:02

YANBU, and IMO banging on your ceiling is a very cowardly way of addressing the issue with you. If they have a problem they should come and talk to you. Maybe the banging was unrelated to your DS though?

Beamur · 13/01/2011 21:03

Your DS is not doing anything unreasonable, but sound can travel horribly through flats. Is it carpeted or a hard flooring? A chum of mine lived in a flat and her upstairs neighbours changed to a wood floor - even when they just walked around it sounded like a herd of elephants on the move.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 21:05

next time they bang, bang back they will soon be up those stairs all sweetness and light asking you to keep the noise down. at which point you will politely inform them that a child is entitled to play in his own home and the noise is neither excessive nor late at night but that you will be considerate of them as you hope they will be of you and not bang on the ceiling. how rude of them. what sort of a way is that to address any problem.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 21:07

fwiw my last neighbour (semi detatched) used to complain about hearing my high heels in the kitchen in the morning (around 8am) before i left for work. some people really have little to do with themselves.

BootyMum · 13/01/2011 21:08

We have also had this issue with our previous downstairs neighbours [who were only in their 30s not officially grumpy old farts!] They banged on their ceiling when our son was crying one night [at 10pm mind you not even that late!]
And they always complained about floorboard noise, again not that it occurred that late as son was going to bed between 7 and 7.30pm.

YANBU - your neighbours are twats!

It is upsetting though and you can end up feeling inhibited in your own home which is really unpleasant.

FortunateHamster · 13/01/2011 21:08

Your DS isn't in the wrong but neither are your neighbours really if the sound is travelling through badly. If you have laminate and want to avoid more floor banging, I'd consider a change to carpet.

bb99 · 13/01/2011 21:08

YADNBU

Many years ago I lived in a d/stairs flat and the tenant upstairs made an awful lot of noise when her and dps children got together - didn't mind that at all, it was the late night adult noises that used to freak me out Shock or maybe I was just Envy

Don't worry about it - 7.30pm is a reasonable bed time and if they've really got ishoos with it they should talk to you - you are neighbours!

iloveyankees · 13/01/2011 21:09

I would just ignore them tbh, as others have said it's not exactly late is it Hmm

we too had this problem when we lived in a flat and my neighbour below me used to say she could here my son crawling around. I said WTF do you expect me to do, strap him down?

Thats the problem with flats you can hear each other fart lol

sarahitaly · 13/01/2011 21:14

Rugs are your friend. Especially the very cheap washable ones from Ikea. I was in a flat until my son was 3. Anything that will deaden the sound of feet, dropped toys and hurled sippy cups was a big help. Took the edge of the noise for them and stopped me from getting paranoid and curtailing his fun.

Also, take off shoes.

It won't help with those who failed to stick to a more reasonable plan of seeking a top floor flat only, and instead are under the impression that they have the right to expect the people above to tip toe around in virtual silence day and night.

Original poster
IloveJackWhite · 13/01/2011 21:16

BootyMum that is exactly how I feel, I hate feeling uncomfortable in my own home.

FortunateHamster we rent so have no say in flooring - our hallways and living room (and theirs too above the next flat) is laminate.

I wish they would knock on the door so I could respond to it and explain (I think they are youngish couple, no kids).

Thanks though to those who think IANBU - it's made me feel a lot better about it.

Fingers crossed they've just had a bad day!

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 13/01/2011 21:16

hmm i have lived on the flip side of this and i can tell you it's HORRID!

not saying that your situation is exactly the same, but the people above us had laminate and the noise was CONSTANT. it wasn't only when their child ran about... we heard everyhting. we could even hear the toilet flushing, them having sex, their doorbell going...

eventually it just becomes almost impossible to live with, and hearing a much lounder banging for an HOUR can just literally drive you to distraction

so i would say that while yes, your son should be allowed to be a little boy and run around... you also need to consider the feelings of your downstairs neighbours.

I mean, for all I know you're out all day and this is the only noise, in which case yanbu at all! But if there is a chance that there is a lot more noise than just this then it would be polite, and neighbourly to maybe have a think of any ways in which you could help reduce the noise?

thisisyesterday · 13/01/2011 21:17

sorry, you replied before i hit post!

maybe try some cheap rugs?

I know it isn't up to you to do so, but would feel happy going and knocking on their door? that way you would get to explain at least

aPixieInMyCaramelLatte · 13/01/2011 21:19

We're the downstairs neighbours.

Our upstairs one's are a fucking nightmare.

They put wood floors down which they aren't even allowed anyway and the bloke is just so damn inconsiderate. He actually bounces a basketball around in the flat.

Then their little girl started walking, then running. I wouldn't mind so much but she goes to sleep when she falls asleep, literally which isn't until about 1am.

During the day pisses me off more though. The last thing I want to hear is them banging and crashing around at lunchtime when I've just got both my babies down for a nap.

So whilst I understand where you are coming from I can totally sympathise with your downstairs neighbours.

mangle · 13/01/2011 21:20

I was talking to a friend who said she had been sick of how noisy the child in an upstairs flat had been and has put a snippy letter through the door. The next day there was a leak so she had to talk to her neighbour and she apologised for the tone of the letter. The neighbour explained she is very anxious about her son not making too much noise and is constantly telling him to be quite, when he is only playing. My friend told me she then felt terrible and realised she had been very intolerant. Why not try and have a friendly chat and explain you don't want them to be disturbed but he isn't actually doing anything that any other child wouldn't do!

thisisyesterday · 13/01/2011 21:22

it might also be worth seeing if you can find out whether hard flooring is allowed in the building? if it isn't then you could possibly force the landlord to change it to carpet which would help a lot

Original poster
IloveJackWhite · 13/01/2011 21:24

I feel it'd be a bit confrontational to knock on their door, but if it continues will have to I suppose.

TBH I'm fairly sure they are only there in the evenings and pretty sure the only sound travelling would be feet. I'm sure they can't hear anything else.

Wouldn't rugs be dangerous though with a toddler? DS always wears slippers!

I do understand the noise issue - we have the whole flat vibrating when upstairs put on their spin cycle. Damn crap expensive rental property!

OP posts:
Beamur · 13/01/2011 21:30

We have wood flooring and lots of rugs, you can get stuff to put under them that stops them slipping. My DD never had a problem with them.

Firawla · 13/01/2011 21:31

yanbu in a way but getting a rug probably would help. we are also downstairs neighbours and does annoy me at times the upstairs kids running when im putting mine in bed as it disturbs babies, if not for that then i really wouldn't care less but if its disrupting my dc then obviously is not ideal. not that i've complained or ever banged on the ceiling though.

TheMonster · 13/01/2011 21:34

I would HATE to live under a small child, but they moved there knowing you were above them. However, wooden flooring in a flat where there is likely to be running (or stomping, as my old neighbours were prone to do!) is just inconsiderate.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 13/01/2011 21:35

If people dont like noise then live somewere other than a downstairs flat! It's simple.

vicki2010 · 13/01/2011 21:37

I was the 'upstairs' neighbour until a year ago...we lived in a first floor converted house,you know the type with the high ceilings and HUGE rooms,we have two boys who were 2 and 5 when we moved in and the man downstairs complained so much about the kids(who also were in bed by 7pm) that our lives were unbearable and i still get awful feelings when i think back to how little i let my kids do,they couldnt play in their bedroom before 9am as his bedroom was below theirs,they couldnt jump down from the sofa,we couldnt have friends round,i even put a friendly not through his door saying my child was having a tea party for his 4th birthday,it was a nightmare and he lost the plot one day during the night and had a stick running around the flat banging the ceiling to wake us all up!! that was the final straw!! we had to leave,i did feel bad for him but im actually scarred from his torment towards me and my kids just for living!!!! its an awful situation to be in and will get worse as your child gets older,sorry to be so negative but i wouldn't want anyone to suffer like us

TheMonster · 13/01/2011 21:38

Very true, wimple, very true.

aPixieInMyCaramelLatte · 13/01/2011 21:38

Wimple Not really , some of us didn't have the choice. If we didn't take this flat, we would have been homeless.

Luckily we're back on our feet again now and we can move out come April and some other poor sod can put up with the crap.

AuntiePickleBottom · 13/01/2011 21:41

my neighbour got sick and tired of the noise ds made he made weekly complaint to the council, helped me out loads as they moved me to a lovely 3 bedroom house with a front and back garden.

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