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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry about my brother

57 replies

seteer · 12/01/2011 20:35

I've had my brother staying with me for the last 5 days, he came Saturday and went home after school today. Last night I had a hysterical boy begging me to let him live with me.
I spoke with him and I'm really concerned with how he is being treated by my mum and stepdad. Apparently they go out to the pub several times a week (neither work) and leave him home alone, leaving him on his own. From what he said I get the impression that no-one spends anytime with him and that he is routinely told he should be grateful that is fed and has a roof over his head. He's 13 by the way

OP posts:
stoppinchingthedummy · 12/01/2011 20:37

Aww your poor brother :( yanbu to be worried but at 13 children do tend to over react sometimes - perhaps speak to your mum see how he behaves at home etc? aww bless him :(

LoopyLoopsIsNoLongerFestive · 12/01/2011 20:37

Of course you should be worried, YANBU.

Do you get on with your mum and step dad? Can you speak to them
What is your home situation like? Are you able to offer to help in this way?

FrequentNutter · 12/01/2011 20:38

Could you provide a home for him? some children would love the freedom it would give them, others need love and nuture.

He is coming up to a critical time in his schooling and will need stability love and someone to talk to.

You would be entitled to extra benefit and his child allowance if he came to reside with you.

Have you discussed this with your parents at all?

Makes me feel real sad having children not much older that a child is suffering.

tulpe · 12/01/2011 20:38

YANBU to worry about him.

Too many people assume teens are ok and that they prefer to be without the constraints of parents.

charliesmommy · 12/01/2011 20:39

sounds like a shit life for a kid if he is feeling lonely..

some kids like their freedom, and dont mind being left to their own devices..

when I was that age, my parents would go out 2 or 3 times a week from about 7.30 till 10.30 (not to a pub, they were dance teachers holding a class).. but I enjoyed being on my own so it was no problem.

would it be viable for him to move in with you?

Original poster
seteer · 12/01/2011 20:42

I couldn't afford to have him live me if I'm being honest, my finances are very tight as it is.

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsIsNoLongerFestive · 12/01/2011 20:44

You need to call your mum and discuss with her.

Original poster
seteer · 12/01/2011 20:47

Yeah I think I do need to say something to my mum and stepdad.

OP posts:
byrel · 12/01/2011 20:56

YADNBU I think you need to have words and quite strongs with your mum and stepdad. Going out to the pub several times a week leaving him on his own really isn't good enough. I also have a problem with them telling him that he should be greatful that he is fed and has a home and using it as an excuse to emotional neglect him.

popelle · 12/01/2011 21:02

YABU Tell him to grow up and stop being meladramtic, I'm sure there are plenty in the world who have far worse than him. From what you say he's not being abused and if he doesn't like it then maybe he should look at kids in care, I bet he'd stop moaning then.

LoopyLoopsIsNoLongerFestive · 12/01/2011 21:07

popelle: Hmm Are you sure you know enough about the situation to say that?

Original poster
seteer · 12/01/2011 21:11

Popelle I don't think he was being overly dramatic he was really upset. I know that there are many that probably have it worse than him but that doesn't alter the fact that he was really upset.

OP posts:
popelle · 12/01/2011 21:15

I'm very sure its not as if he's shown the OP bruises from where he's been hit or that they shouting and swearing at him constantly. It sounds to me like a typical teenage overreaction and the OP has bought it hook line and sinker. I'd bet that they don't go to the pub several times a week.

teenyanne · 12/01/2011 21:22

YANBU to worry about him. Have you talked to your mum about it, or maybe you could try and get your mum and brother to talk about it between them. Also, do you live close enough that he could maybe come round a couple of evenings so if your mum and step-dad want to go out, your brother has some company? Maybe he tells your mum that he doesn't mind being on his own, and if your mum and step-dad knew how he felt, they could do something about it?

huddspur · 12/01/2011 21:23

I fear this is what life is like for my brother most of the time. My parents show little interest in him and never seem to spend time/ do anything with him., he isn't doing well at school but they don't seem to care (my dad seems to think its funny Confused ). Try and have a word with them about it but if they're anything like my parents it won't make any difference.

Original poster
seteer · 12/01/2011 21:27

We don't live that far apart (20-25 min walk). I don't know if he tells them that he is fine but I suspect they don't ask. When I think back my mum never really tried to engage with me once I got past 12.

OP posts:
Original poster
seteer · 12/01/2011 21:27

Huddspur- What did you say to them when you spoke about them.

OP posts:
huddspur · 12/01/2011 21:31

I just told them that I don't think having your son get up in the morning and going to school without seeing them was good enough etc. Fell on death ears though

Hassled · 12/01/2011 21:32

If he lived with you FT you'd be entitled to his child benefit, I believe. Would that make enough of a difference to make it doable?

Original poster
seteer · 12/01/2011 21:40

I don't know if I got his CB whether that would make him living affordable or whether my mum and stepdad would even allow it anyway.

OP posts:
popelle · 12/01/2011 22:01

I can't believe the overreaction on here, on the basis of next to nothing people are advocating/suggesting that he should move away from his mother to his sister who is doubtful as to whether she could afford him Hmm

Hassled · 12/01/2011 22:04

Fair point Popelle, but I don't think many of us have come across 13 year olds begging to live elsewhere. And we're working on the assumption that seteer knows him well, and knows her mother well, which is a valid assumption.

Original poster
seteer · 12/01/2011 22:08

I just tried to call them to arrange to go and see them tomorrow night but guess where they were

the pub

OP posts:
popelle · 12/01/2011 22:11

I still think its a massive overeaction and speaking from experience teenagers are highly prone to mass exaggeration

uyter · 12/01/2011 22:22

Poor boy he sounds horribly lonely I think you should say something